The 10 Commandments of Dating/Being Friends With an Uber Sports Fan

Y’all, big news. HUGE! OPENING DAY FOR THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS IS JUST 4 (4!!!) VERY SHORT DAYS (and 9 hours and 26 minutes and 15, 14, 13…seconds) AWAY!!!!!!

Not that I’m counting or anything.

Totally not counting.

Okay. I’m definitely counting. For those who don’t know, I’m kind of a big Brewers fan[atic]. Like, the biggest. I’m not even gonna try to sugarcoat it. And this madness, this undeniable fandom that I have? It’s a crutch. Being so emotionally invested in a handful of professional athletes who don’t even know you exist is a torrid addiction. This is a sports fan’s cross to bear. But here’s the thing you have to understand: If we’re going to have this as a vice, it’s much better than any other vices we could possibly adopt. Really. You’re lucky it’s sports we love.

But please don’t ever say it’s “just” a game.

1. Thou shalt not interrupt the game.

It’s sneaky and disingenuous to ask us to take out the trash, or what we want for dinner, and especially if it’s okay if your mother comes to visit. Please save all questions on how our day was until the final buzzer/inning/quarter. We appreciate that you care, but how we feel about our day is wholly dependent on this game. We will be able to tell you how our day was afterward. Also, if you RSVP or plan an event or date at the same time a game is on — especially when you know the game is on — you waive all rights for being angry when we explain why we just can’t even.

2. Thou shalt not tell us we’re getting too loud in the bar.

If the bar did not want us to be loud, they would not be playing the game on one of the TVs and encouraging us with loads of alcoholic beverages. WTF!!! ARE YOU CRAZY, UMP?!!? HE WAS TOTALLY SAFE!!!

3. Thou shalt not record your show when the game is on.

Hulu and HBOgo exist for reasons. The game takes precedence. This is why it’s wise to invest in the kind of DVR that can multitask recording one show while you’re watching another. Really, it’s worth the money for all parties involved.

4. Thou shalt not call us crazy when we stay up late or wake up early to watch a game.

Sssh, babe, go back to sleep. We need to watch this in real time. It’s not our fault time zones absolutely suck.

5. Thou shalt not question absurd team-related purchases.*

Such items include: $300 for an autographed picture; a signed ball; a vintage, collector’s jersey; ridiculously exorbitant tickets when our team is finally in town; tickets to the championship, etc. If this is our one chance to spend hundreds of dollars on a playoff game? Yeah, we’re going to do it. When else would we have $900 lying around for no reason? This might not happen ever again!

*This does not apply to cardboard cut-outs of our favorite player as living room decor. Really, it’s for our own good. We’re gonna want to do it, but don’t let us do it, because if you do, pretty soon we’re inviting Lucroy to the dinner table and saying that “Lucroy and I agree” when we disagree with you and really, nobody wins in this scenario.

6. Thou shalt not try to understand why we are so emotionally invested in a game whose outcome we have no control over.

Look, rooting for sports is like loving movie stars in that there is really less than 0.00005% chance that having a crush on Chris Pratt or Chris Evans (call me!) is going to result in holy matrimony, and there’s less than 0.00005% chance that our undying love for our team is going to help them win a game. But, you know, there’s a chance. We like to think there’s a chance. It gives us the will to go on.

7. Thou shalt not question our “odd” pre-game rituals.

Up to and including: sitting in the same chair every night; live-tweeting the game like it is the second coming of the Oscars; or wearing the same, grubby jersey/pair of socks every time. We will take care of that sacred piece of laundry when we see fit.

8. If we are in a fight, thou shalt not begin rooting for the rival team just to piss us off.

And if we go into this relationship already rooting for bitter enemies, well, get ready for some really passive-aggressive, irrational arguments. (And you’re not allowed to introduce us to your friends as “She’s great, even for a [____] fan!”)

9. Thou shalt not complain when all of our friends always come over to watch the game.

The rules of Sportsfanship™ clearly stipulate that the house with the biggest TV and appropriate cable package hosts any and all game viewing. If you really want to see less of the rowdy couch cheering section, get a smaller TV… actually, no, please don’t do that.

10. Thou shalt order the pizza and wings to show that you care.

Truly clutch people also buy the beer, but really, if you just respect that this time is sacred time between us and a motley crew of athletic spectacle, that is more than we could ever, ever ask for, amen.

**Cubs and/or Cardinals fans need not apply.

Three days

“Ray. People will come, Ray. They’ll come to Iowa for reasons they can’t even fathom. They’ll turn into your driveway, not knowing for sure why they’re doing it. They’ll arrive at your door, as innocent as children, longing for the past. “Of course, we won’t mind if you look around,” you’ll say, “It’s only twenty dollars per person.” And they’ll pass over the money without even thinking about it, for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they’ll walk off to the bleachers and sit in their short sleeves on a perfect afternoon. And find they have reserved seats somewhere along the baselines where they sat when they were children. And cheer their heroes. And they’ll watch the game, and it’ll be as they’d dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick, they’ll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come, Ray. The one constant through all the years Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It’s been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again. Oh people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come. ”

Three days.

Just three more days until the magic begins.

#OpeningWeek

Thoughts on a Thursday

1. I’ve got a fever, guys. SPRING FEVER! The last few days here in Denver have been absolutely glorious and it’s defintely making me even more excited that spring is just around the corner which means warmer weather, baseball, cute dresses, baseball, hikes in the mountains, baseball, baseball, and oh hey, baseball!

2. Speaking of baseball, this is the first year in a long time that I am going to miss the Brewers’ Opening Day in Milwaukee (just 25 more days!!!). I just started my new job and unfortunately the ‘ol vacation time doesn’t kick in quite yet, however you better believe I will be watching and cheering and rooting on my guys from afar (although I do find it ironic that they’re playing the Rockies). Good news is that they’re coming out here this summer for a three-game series (if you need me June 19-21, I’ll be at Coors Field double-fisting a hot dog and an ice-cold lemonade).

3. Last night before I went to bed, I haphazardly threw my hair up into a messy bun just to get it out of my face and it ended up looking amazing! So naturally this morning when I tried to replicate the chic “just rolled out of bed” look, I ended up looking like Pigpen (but without the whole dust storm thing).

4.  This proposal. Not gonna lie, I was crying even before he got to the actual proposal part. SO. DARN. CUTE.

5. It was in this proposal video that I first discovered the amazingness that is Anthem Lights. I’ve had these guys on serious repeat the past few days. Obsessed. Their song Best Thing will give you all the feels. Listen now, thank me later.

6. So there’s this game called Settlers of Catan and apparently, it’s just the best thing since sliced cheese. And apparently I’m the only one who has never heard of or played the silly thing. I’m getting together tomorrow night with some friends to finally play it and will report back on how gouda it really is (see what I did there?).

7. Anyone else eat freshly made Rice Krispie treats for breakfast? No? Just me? Hey, stick anything in a bowl with a fork and you’ve got a meal. #SnapCracklePop

8. It just hit me that in about a month I will be turning 28. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?!?! I’ve just decided that I’m going to stay 27 forever. I’ll let you know how that works out.

9. If I look over my shoulder while walking at night, I’m not afraid of getting mugged, I’m just checking to see if it’s safe to fart. FYI.

10. TOMORROW’S FRIYAY!!!! ‘Nuff said.

Have a great Thursday, y’all! 🙂

Thankful…

I’ve already told you guys how much and why I’m thankful for books (just ALLLLLL of the books), but I wanted to take some time today to shed some light on the other things in my life that make my heart smile.

I’m doing this a bit early seeing as all I plan on doing tomorrow is watching football, playing with my little cousins (one of them  promised me an epic no-holds-bar, fight-to-the-finish game of hide and seek and you better believe I am holding him to it!) and falling into a tryptophan-induced coma.

1. My awesome and crazy family who love me–and put up with me—no matter what (cue the “awwwww”)

2. My awesome and even crazier friends who love me–and put up with me no matter what (cue the double “awwwww”–good golly I’m adorable on Thanksgiving)

3. Harry Potter. Duh.

4. The Milwaukee Brewers. Double duh.

5. My faith, my courage, my strength and my willingness to never, ever, never ever give up.

6. Good hair days.

7. Bad hair days (because it really makes you appreciate the aforementioned good hair days.)

8. Sweat pants.

9. Ben & Jerry’s.

10. Ben & Jerry’s.

11. Ben & Jerry’s.

12. My health (especially after all of the aforementioned Ben & Jerry’s.)

13. And Billy Murray.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, everyone!! 🙂

What’s Your Trademark?

“Dude, I am going to go full-on beast mode on this burrito!”

“Heading to the gym, babe. Gonna beast-mode it up.”

“Did you see what that guy was wearing?! He was totally rocking that polyester suit beast-mode style.”

Beast mode (adj.): A mode of awesomeness; A pure blank state of mind, in which you become greater (more beastly) than anything else that stands before you. Derived from the original beast: Prince Fielder (when he played for the Milwaukee Brewers).

Okay. Maybe he wasn’t the original beast, but he was definitely my favorite. Let us take a moment to remember and respect how amazing this was. The Brewers may be down one of their beasts, but we definitely have a host of others who are about to do a repeat on 2011’s National Championship run. But this time we’re going all the way. World Series, baby.

Beast-mode style.But back to my story.

I have a dear, dear friend, let’s call him Joe, who insists on beast-moding his conversations as often/much as he can. In fact, I don’t there is ever a time when he doesn’t use the beastly phrase.

“I went all beast-mode vacuuming today.”

“Pumped my gas like a beast!”

“Decided to beast-mode it up on that Harry Potter book. 787 pages ain’t got nothing on me!”

See what I mean?

Now I’ve seen and heard other people use this phrase. Heck, even I have been known to beast-mode it up from time to time, but my good friend Joe does it all. of. the.time.

Seriously.

It’s almost like it’s his signature thing, his trademark if you will.

This got me thinking (like a beast)…

Do I have a signature thing? A trademark?

And if so, what is it?

Tina Fey has her glasses.

Jerry Seinfeld is known to have quite the Superman collection. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

Lindsay Lohan has an affinity for mug shots.

Garfield has his lasagna.

But me?

I’m not quite sure what my trademark would be.

I do have the tendancy to reveal my Midwestern upbringing, sprouting out phrases like, “Oh yah knooowww” and “Furrr shurrrre.” The more I surround myself with my Minnesota/Wisconsin people, the more it comes out.

And strong, doooon’t yah knowww?!

Strong as, say, a beast?

I also am known to knock back a pint….of ice cream.

But I’ve got to say, I think that if I could trademark myself in anyway, it would definitely have something to do with books. I’m never without one, am reading at least two at three at once, and have an apartment that is currently imploding on itself for shear lack of space due to said books. Not to mention the fact that everyone over at Tattered Cover knows me by name (think Norm from Cheers, but instead of chugging back beers, it’s books).

Some would venture to say that I am even a bit of a book hoarder, but I would just like to think of myself as an avid booklover, bookworm, book collector, book…well, yes, maybe a bit of a hoarder.

But that’s okay.

After all, it’s my trademark 😉

So tell me, friends. What is your signature? Your trademark?

 

 

25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me

Happy Wednesday!

Since we’re almost over the hump of the week, I thought I would do something a little bit different today. This is one of those super-random blog posts that I figured might be fun and also spark some great comments from you guys since I always love learning more about you!

The questionnaire provides 25 prompts to reveal “25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me,” and while longtime readers probably already do know some of these things, there are a few random nuggets thrown in that may reveal some new stuff. Feel free to play along in the comments section of this post and have fun with it!

25 Things You Don’t Know About Me

1. I’m happiest when…1.) I’m hanging out with my family and friends 2.) I’m reading a great book 3.) I’ve made someone laugh or smile
2. …Especially if it involves…1.) The Milwaukee Brewers, 2.) Great food 3.) Doing absolutely nothing together
3. I’ve always wanted to…visit Italy. It’s at the tippy-top of my bucket list which will hopefully (hopefully) be crossed off very soon. Mi amore 🙂
4. My family and I…are some pretty crazy characters who support and love each other unconditionally. And always, always have a lot of belly laughs and fun together.
5. I was a terrible…go-kart driver. When I was 13, my family took a trip to Estes Park and one day, we all decided to go go-karting. I decided to be little miss speed demon and while on my last run of the track, I slammed (SLAMMED!) into the side barricade, sending the protective tires and hay bales in every which way. The go-kart track attendant was more than a little PO’d at yours truly, but in my defense, I was only trying to turn around so that I wouldn’t get yelled at for going around the track one last time. And that’s what those tires and hay bales are there for any way, right?
6. My first job was…working at a shoe warehouse. It was hot. It was sticky. And it was A LOT of work. But I still tried to put my best foot forward (I mean, you didn’t think I would let that pun-derful opportunity slip me by, did you?)
7. I could probably eat ice cream every day. There should not be a “probably” in this equation.
8. I stole…candy once from the grocery store. I was five and didn’t quite grasp the concept of the “fill your bag with candy from these large bins, weigh and then pay later.” I still feel guilty every time I eat a gummy worm.
9. I was born on the same say as…Melissa Joan Hart (aka Sabrina the Teenage Witch) and Siri Cruise.
10. My all-time favorite film is…a toss-up between Field of Dreams and Father of the Bride.
11. I do a mean…Kermit the Frog impression.
12. I’m still mad…that the Brewers didn’t make it to the World Series back in 2011. But this year is THE year. I can feel it.
13. I met my husband…in college. Actually, I’m single as a Pringle, but just between you and me (it’s in the vault?), there is someone who I have secretly crushed on ever since college, someone who I love dearly and is my best friend. Someone who I could definitely see as my husband one day.
14. I always knew I wanted…to become a librarian (or work with books in some capacity). Bookworm to the nth degree.
15. I’m not afraid to…jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
16. I make the best…Chocolate-chip cookies. Ask anyone. I’ve got references.
17. I have almost…no dance ability whatsoever. I mean, I can dance. If this is what you call dancing.
18. I always cry when…I see those holiday Hallmark commercials. The family all coming together over turkey and pie…just bring me the tissues already!
19. I’m (now) a…Coloradan, but I will always be a Wisconsonite at heart.
20. I’ve lived in…Michigan, Wisconsin, Georgia and now Colorado.
21. I wish my folks…didn’t live half-way across the country.
22. At 5, I was deeply in love with…The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and jelly shoes.
23. I believe that if everyone exercised a little bit more kindness, the world would be a better place.
24. I can’t stand…the smell of tuna. Or the taste. Blech.
25. Whenever Seinfeld is on, I’ll watch it. Best. Show. Everrrrrrr.

Okay, friends. Your turn.

Answer one or all of the following prompts from the survey (or choose your own!)

I’m happiest when…

I was born the same day as…

At five, I was deeply in love with…

I could eat_ _ _ _ every day

I make the best…

Woman Crush Wednesday

My #WCW goes out to a pretty cool gal.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t think that she was all that pretty at first, but she’s one that’s grown on me.

She’s imperfectly perfect and I think that’s what I like so much about her.

She has a way of making people, including herself, belly laugh,

and she’s never afraid of looking dumb for the sake of humor.

She used to be fantastic at getting worried and stressed out over the littlest of things, but she’s mellowed out with age.

When I think of her,

she’s not just a number on a scale,

or a size on a pair of jeans.

She’s sarcastic and witty and charmingly weird.

She’s a lover and a fighter [it just depends on the topic *cough Milwaukee Brewers cough.*]

She’s somebody who tries to make everybody feel like a somebody.

She changes  her mind [often.]

She forgives, but she doesn’t necessarily forget.

She loves love.

She’s not cool by any means, and that suits her.

She makes mistakes. She forgets to call you back. And she sometimes acts first and thinks second.

But she owns it.

She also loves fiercely and loyally.

She’s naturally nervous, a lover of high-fives and bad puns, and is unapologetically herself.

She’s worked very hard to be exactly who she is,

which is why she deserves to be my woman crush every Wednesday day.

She’s me.

How Much Would You Pay…

One of my best friends and I have this hypothetical game that we like to play from time to time.

Basically, we name off random things and ponder with a deep consternation, how much we would really pay for such a crazy, hair-brained but awesomely awesome idea.

Case-and-point: Our convo last night.

It all began when I expressed to her my intense desire for delivery ice cream (million dollar idea, no?!?! Someone needs to get on that ASAP!) I was walking sulking around my kitchen looking for something to nosh on, deeply saddened that I had polished off the last of my Ben & Jerry’s Cookie Dough  just the other night. Anyone who knows me knows that ice cream is one of my major food groups and when I do not have direct access to a supply of the cold and creamy goodness, I tend to get a bit hangry.

Anyhoo, I was talking to my friend, wallowing in my misfortune when I said to her, “You know what should be a thing? Delivery ice cream!”

This ended up being the catalyst for a brief edition of, say with it with me folks….”How Much Would You Pay?”

Below are just some of the questions we heavily debated along with my answers:

How much would you pay…for delivery ice cream? $30-$40 easy. Have I mentioned I like ice cream? And when you gotta have ice cream, you gotta have ice cream. Yes, it may be a slightly steep price to pay, but just hear me out. You’re sitting on the couch, deeply engrossed in some Netflix or a book when all of a sudden, your stomach starts yelling, nay, growling at you. It’s 10 o’clock at night, snowing/raining/dark out, you’re in your Sponge Bob pj’s, you’re fresh out of Rocky Road and there’s no way you’re leaving the comforts of your home to go forage for some ‘cream. You simply call the ice cream delivery guy, place your order for a double scoop triple scoop of Cookies N’ Cream, and in just 15 minutes (or it’s free), you have a nice, cold, creamy and delicious bowl of amazingness on your lap and in your mouth. TOTALLY worth the $30, am I right?!

How much would you pay…to be able to hear/decipher your dog’s thoughts? $800-$900. This may sound weird, but I have always wanted to know what my dog Thunder was thinking when he cocks his sweet head at me in that way, giving me a wink and a smile. What’s sick is that I probably would end up paying more than that and his thoughts would be, “FOOD!!!”, “Car ride?!”, “MOMIREALLYGOTTAPEE!!!”, and “You smelt it, you dealt it sista.”

How much would you pay…to throw out the first pitch at a Brewer’s home game? Um…an arm and a leg and possibly my right eye. This might get tricky because I throw with my right arm but practically do everything else with my left. Seriously though. how amazing would that be (not the losing the arm, the leg and possibly the right eye part of course, but the throwing out the first pitch part)?!?! There are some experiences that you simply cannot put a price tag on. This my friends, is one of the things.

“How much would you pay?” is a fun game because most of the things brought up will never, ever, never happen; you’re basically playing with Monopoly money, wishing and hoping and dreaming that one day, you will live in a nation where your four little children will be able to eat Chunky Monkey at all hours of the day, have intense political conversations with their four-legged friends (and when I say political, I mean conversation about bacon and butt-sniffing) and can play catch with Lucroy and Gomez before a double-header against the Cardinals.

The question is…how much would you pay?

 

Homerun of a weekend

Hey guys! Happy Friday-eve!

So this happened today….

Mr. Tumnus! Is that you? #WakingUpInNarnia

 

Gross.

It’s April 3rd for goodness sakes. I thought the expression was “April showers (not SNOW showers!) bring May flowers. Oy.

But it is Colorado after all and from what I am learning very quickly, the weather here suffers from a bad case of “I-can’t-make-up-my-mindness”.

Such is life, I guess.

In other news, I thought I would share with you some pictures from my weekend up in Wisconsin. As you all know, I am kind of a Brewers fan fanatic. Every year, I make it a point to go up for opening day, no matter where I am in the country. I’ve traveled far and wide to see my Brew Crew play ball and will continue to do so for as long as, well, ever.

This trip was even more special because not only did the Brewers reign victorious over the Braves opening day (*side note: I realized the evening of the game that I had, mistakenly of course, put my skivvies on inside out. Guess who has a new superstition tradition?!), but I was able to spend some much needed and long-awaited time with good friends (and even got to meet some new ones!).

You definitely cannot beat that!

On the docket:

A freakishly freaky after-hours Milwaukee Airport (Langoliers anyone? Eek!)

Creepy! Just creepy!

 

Getting to see this lovely lady,

A wicked bonfire, dare I say, the PERFECT bonfire which included wieners and s’mores. But mixed together. Because that would be nasty. Or would it…?

OPENING DAY!!!!

Friends, baseball, and little Hank. What more could you ask for, really?

 

And rounding out a pretty fantastical weekend…a trip to the zoo. We were there visiting my family 😉

And the award for the tallest (and cutest) photobomber goes to…

 

As is a rule for all weekends and vacations, they fly by way too quick. I had such an incredible time, sharing laughs and memories with the best friends a gal could ask for, and am already looking forward to next year!

But until then, you know I will be cheering on the Crew from afar (and live and in person when they come to open a can of whoop ass on the Rockies in June–speaking of which, if any of my Denver friends are interested in going to the game, let me know! I would LOVE to Brewer it up with ya!!).

Hopefully by then, all this fluffy white stuff will be long-gone.

A girl can dream…

Have a great rest of your day, friends!

 

 

 

Life’s Little Awesomes: NOT playing the lottery and NOT having your numbers come up

I don’t play the lottery very often, but when I do, I’m pretty sure I’m going to win. I take great pains to ensure that all of my family members’ birthdays, my favorite Brewer’s player numbers, and the combination to my sixth grade locker are evenly  covered as I carefully color in the bubbles and then hand my sheet to the convenience store cashier.

Driving home with the lucky ticket in my pocket, jamming to One Direction, my mind wanders off and begins wrestling with difficult questions that I assume plague the rich daily. Pool or tennis court? Private jet or yacht? Tall, snooty butler with a thin mustache or fat, clumsy butler with a heart of gold?

Then I think about what charities I would want to donate some of my earnings to, how much I would want to give to places like my church, animal shelters, disaster relief, and research for diseases like cancer and alzheimers. And then of course I have to decide whether I’d donate massive chunks of my nearly acquired riches to people who’ve done small, simple things for me when I was down on my luck. You know, a couple million dollar tip to that guy from Subway who threw in a free cookie to top off my $5 foot long meal, or a new mansion for the mailman who always greets me with a warm hello and a smile every time she delivers my mail. And of course I can’t forget my family. And my friends. And my dog (I can finally buy him the 14K gold bone he has always wanted!!)

I toy with the idea of stashing my cash in a vault and swimming in it like Scrooge McDuck, traveling the world by rickshaw, or possibly buying the Internet.

My mind entertains these wild dreams because being a dreamer is great. It’s down right awesome, in fact. Without dreams, life would be pretty boring. Driving home from that convenience store, that lucky ticket still burning in my pocket, One Direction still singing sweet nothings into my ear (Oooooh. New dream. Pay for OD to stand in as my alarm clock every morning. There’s nothing like greeting the new day with a little Story of My Life action…LIVE!), I let these crazy thoughts fly free.

Yes, this little jack pot fantasy continues right up until the numbers are announced.

And I don’t win.

Nope. Not even one number right.

I’m not even close.

I shouldn’t have played.

I’m a total idiot.

I am a total idiot who just threw five bucks away for no reason. I could’ve gotten my favorite cold cut foot-long (and possibly free cookie) instead!

But I guess that’s why it’s so great when I don’t play, and I check my numbers, and sure enough, they didn’t come up. Now who’s laughing?

Me, the five bucks richer gal, that’s who.

AWESOME!