My Awesomely Random Life (and Everything in Between)

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A Festivus for the rest of us

Hey guys!

I don’t know about you but I am one happy gal that it’s Friday!

I also don’t know about you, but I am one happy gal that we are officially in the last few days of the Christmas countdown (five to be exact).

But more importantly, we are only three days away from my second favorite holiday of all time…Festivus.

What is Festivus, you may ask and wonder?

Well my dear friends, Festivus is a glorious holiday where we come together, gather around our Festivus poles, eat meatloaf, test our feats of strength by trying to pin our loved ones to the ground, and air our grievances. It’s truly magical.

Now if you don’t have a pole yet, don’t worry. There’s still time to run down to your local department store (or junk yard) and pick up an aluminum pole. FrankFestivusPole

In honor of Festivus, I thought it was right to  air just some of the grievances I’ve experienced this past year (or in general). Remember, the magic of this holiday is sharing the things we found annoying, silly, or that made us wrinkle our brows and say to ourselves, “Really? Seriously?”

  • Coming up to a newly turned green light only to have the next light 20 feet in front of you turn red. Really? Seriously?
  • When your roommates (cough* sister *cough) decide to put the milk jug back into the fridge when there is only a dribble left. Really? Seriously?
  • Bad hair days. Really? Seriously?
  • That nasty filmy coating that appears on the top of your Jello pudding when you leave it out too long. Really? Serisouly?
  • Rude people. Really? Seriously?
  • People who carry full-on conversations in the public restroom. I mean, you really think the person on the other line will hear you flush and think, “Wow, I must be really important if they could talk to me while they carried on their, ah, other business.” And not to mention the other people in the restroom. Like I really needed to know that Mary’s sister’s aunt’s brother recently had hair plugs put in and they look “absolutely fabulous!” Really? Seriously?
  • Bugs. Just all of the bugs. Really? Seriously?
  • Sneezing so hard, you get whiplash. Actually, having to sneeze so hard you get whiplash but not being able to sneeze. That is  THE worst. Really? Seriously?
  • People who do this. Nope. Just nope. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about Christmas cheer. But having a bunch of horny cars riding around can’t be safe. Or good for your health. Really? Seriously?reindeer

May you have a very merry Festivus for the rest of us! And remember, if you still haven’t gotten me a Christmas gift, might I suggest a donation in my name to the Human Fund? 😉human-fund2

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Friday Funnies: Cutting Room Floor

Happy Friday, friends!

I hope you all are having a fantastic start to your weekend so far!

Have you ever wondered about the parts of your favorite movies that don’t make it into theaters or your DVD’s? The stuff that maybe wasn’t quite up to snuff (hey–that rhymed!)?

Yeah. Me too.

Well be still your beating heart folks because I’ve got it.

Straight from the cutting room floor.

A friend of a friend who’s stepdad’s mom’s daughter’s pre-school teacher’s uncle’s sister-in-law named Shmendi Roe Hansen (no relation) once was an extra in Steven Spielburg’s (SO underrated if you ask me) movie Mesozoic Park was gracious enough to hook me up with some never-before seen (or heard) script changes from some of your most favorite and popular flicks!

So go grab some popcorn and some Milk Duds (which by the way are GREAT when eaten together. The combo of sweet and salty and caramely will have your mouth in party mode!) guys and and get ready to be entertained!

Titanictitanic10n-6-web

Original line: “I’ll never let go Jack. I’ll never let go.”

Line that was cut: I’ll never let go of my Eggo, Jack. I’ll never let go.”

Jerry McGuirejerry_maguire

Original Line: “You had me at hello.”

Line that was cut: “You had me at Jello.”

TerminatorTerminator

Original Line: “I’ll be bahhack.”

Line that was cut: “I’ll be bahhack right after I finish this game of Words With Friends.”

Napolenon DynamiteNapoleon-Dynamite-napoleon-dynamite-117738_714_474

Original Line: “Give me some of your chapstick, Kip; my lips hurt real bad!”

Line that was cut: Give me some of your lipstick, Kip; my lips need a bit of color real bad!”

Old Schooloriginal

Original Line: “We’re going streaking!!!”

Line that was cut:” We’re going knitting!!!”

Forrest Gumpforrest-gump

Original Line: “Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get.”

Line that was cut: “Life is like a box of Wheaties; it’s full of flakes and makes you poop.”

Star Wars1150910534

Original Line: “May the force be with you.”

Line that was cut: “Yeah…good luck with that.”

Harry Potterharry-potter-stone-wand_510

Original Line: “Why my boy, you’re a wizard Harry!”

Line that was cut: “”Why my boy, you really should look into getting a new pair of glasses. There’s a sale at Pearl Vision. We’ll make a pit stop on our way to Hogsmeade and hook a boy up. ”

The Sixth Sensethe_sixth_sense

Original Line: “I see dead people.”

Line that was cut: “I eat dead people.”

Gone With the WindGWTW_8lg

Original Line: “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

Line that was cut: “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a monkey’s uncle.”

When Harry Met Sallywhen-harry-met-sally-original1

Original Line: “I’ll have what she’s having.”

Line that was cut: “I’ll just have the salad with dressing on the side.”

Love Storylove_story_1970_1

Original Line: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Line that was cut: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry for leaving the toilet seat up.”

Apollo 13Bill Paxton, Tom Hanks, Gary Sinise, and Kevin Bacon as they appear in APOLLO 13, 1995.

Original Line: “Houston, we have a problem.”

Line that was cut: “Yes mom, I remembered to bring my lunch.”

Fight ClubTyler-fight-club-736832_1024_768

Original Line: “First rule of fight club? You don’t talk about fight club.”

Line that was cut: “First rule of kite club? You don’t talk about kite club. Because would you really want anyone to know you’re in a kite club?!”

Ace Ventura: Pet DetectiveAce_Ventura_Pet_Detective_28607_Medium

Original Line: “Alllll rigghhhttyyy then.”

Line that was cut: “Alright.”

Field of Dreamslarge field of dreams blu-ray5

Original Line: “If you build it, they will come.”

Line that was cut: “If you spend thousands of dollars turning your corn field into a baseball field, kidnap a famous writer, travel across America looking for Doc. Graham and have conversations with Shoeless Joe Jackson, you might start seeing ghosts of baseball’s past. Maybe.”

Alllllrriiggghhhttyyy then.

I don’t know about you but I am beginning to see why some of those lines were cut 😉

Have a fantastic weekend, guys!

And watch some movies 🙂

Friday Funnies

As my former middle school (word up to all my former Fighting Highlanders!)Principal used to yell over the loud-speaker every Friday morning….

“YIPPY SKIPPY…IT’S FRIDAY!!!

Whoop whoop!

Does anyone have any fun plans for the weekend? I don’t know about you, but I have a hot date planned tomorrow night at Barnes & Noble, just me, myself and I. Oh and my nook and a big ‘ol one of these babies:

I only wish you could see the smile that was on my face. Although my mouth was full of bagely goodness and I don't know about you, but I am not necessarily a fan of see-food 😉

Oh. My. Bagely goodness! If you have not had a cinnamon crunch bagel from Panera Bread, you simply have not lived, my friends. I have been one with the bagel for quite some time now, but have just recently discovered this wonderfully doughy and sweet and all-around amazeballs confection last week. It tastes like a mix between french toast and a cinnamon roll with white chocolate chips mixed into the already heavily bunch. YUM! Let me tell you, once you devour this snack, you won’t go back! Is it fate that two of my loves, Barnes & Noble AND Panera Bread are next door neighbors? I think yes. Although it does make for some awkward situations when they see me spending time with the other one; who knew Panera was the jealous type? As part of my Mission 2012, I stated that I would try to pamper myself a little bit more, so every week, I do something just for me. I can’t believe how I didn’t think to pick up on this habit earlier! It’s nice to once in a while have a little R&R time, to treat yourself, even if it’s just a nice bagel and book-filled night.

Whatever your plans might be this weekend, I hope that you have a wonderful and relaxing couple of days and get a chance to have your ‘me’ moment. And might I suggest doing it with one of these?

Do it now, thank me later.

Now that that’s settled, it’s time for another rounding addition of Friday Funnies!

When I first saw this, I laughed, and I was kind of scared at the same time. I am sure you all know Beavis and Butthead, our favorite pair of socially awkward, rock and metal-loving, nose-picking and caffeine-drinking teenage delinquents. Oh yes, role models in every sense of the word. Despite their lack of intelligence and all things, well, good in this world, you can’t deny that they are “hu-hu-hu-hu-hu, pretty cool.” They are just one of those things you can’t help but love because of how ridiculous and crude they are. See below and try not to laugh…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h30GGIryRJk&feature=related

We’ve all seen them in this form, but have you ever wondered what these two hooligans would look like in real-life? It’s a pretty scary thought, isn’t? I mean, even in 2-D form, they are strange-looking creatures with pretty exaggerated features. Well, I am happy to report that you can now see what these guys would look like if you saw them walking down the street.

Holy guacamole!

EEK!!! Totally creepy, right!?!?!  Special effects make-up artist Kevin Kirpatrick decided to take these characters off of the television screen and recreated them as they would be in real life, acne and all. It is truly remarkable really, when you look at the detail and craftmanship that he put into these works of art (?). However, I have to say, I am probably going to have nightmares tonight. If any of you want to check out his amazing work, and happen to be in the Santa Barbara area, Kirpatrick is currently displaying them in the Sculptural II show at the Copro Art Gallery.

Looking at these pretty cool (and somewhat freaky) sculptures got me thinking, however. We didn’t really need to have a sculpture made to see what Beavis and Butt Head would look like in person. We already have real live walking and talking versions….

Beavis...

...meet Conan.

Butt-head....

....meet Lyle Lovett.

Case and point.

Am I right?

I hope you guys have a “hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu, pretty cool” weekend!

 

Friday Funnies

Because sometimes you just have to have a knee-slapping, can’t-hardly-stand, barreled-over, pee-your-pants, laugh-till-it-hurts chuckle.

You mean its NOT a backwards "G"?! Then why does it look like a backwards "G"? It totally looks like backwards "G". Are you sure?

 

 

That is one cat with killer abs 😉

 

WWJT. What Would Jesus Tweet? The J man should totes magotes get on the Twitter bandwagon. I bet he would even have more followers than Oprah. Yeah. Definitely more than Oprah.

My current motto 🙂

 

Enough reason for me to 'not stop believing'! 🙂

That's 'Delete', Harry Potter style, yo!

 

Isn't he the cutest mini Dwight you ever did see?!

Ahhh...that explains it.

 

So...I guess I'll just sleep over here?

 

Something that has always baffled me...

That moment when you realize that moment happens nearly all of the time...oh goodness.

I need. I want. I'm always breaking out in all out jousting or ninja matches.

 

BAM! Oh Eric, how I love thee 🙂

If not, turn that frown upside down and 🙂

 

Have a great freakin’ funny Friday everybody!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday Funnies: I be Boppin’ some MmmHop

Happy Friday everybody! I hope you all are having a most fantabulous second day of December!

To start the weekend off with a smile and a chuckle, it is time once again for another addition of Friday Funnies.

I was just 10 when a new boy band first hit the scene (14 years ago!? Gosh am I getting old). They were young, they were oh so cute, and boy could they sing. Issac, Taylor and Zach, also known as the Hanson brothers, had girls all over the world, including yours truly, crooning over, going ga-ga (years before there was an actual lady named Ga-Ga to go ga-ga over) and crazily hanging posters above their beds. To put it into today’s terms, they were basically the Bieber of my generation, without the exceedingly high annoying factor that the Bieb has today. Their first single ‘Mmmbop’ was a smash hit, a cult favorite, and was soon followed up by a plethora of other heart-swooning, catchy and very addicting tunes.

Seriously! How cute WERE they?!

During Hanson’s popularity peak, I was a freckle faced, gangly and awkward fifth grader whose interests included, among others, playing basketball, chasing boys around the playground to steal their Warheads (Best candy ever, right? Do they even still make them anymore?), pouring through piles of Goosebump books and of course, listening to my brand spanking new Hanson CD on my brand spanking new Sony Walkman. Yeah, I was that cool. But I wasn’t the only person who was walking around singing to myself songs like ‘Where’s the Love, Yearbook’, ‘Man From Milwaukee’ and ‘I will Come to You’. Oh no…almost every girl (and some boys I knew (who shall remain nameless due to strict confidentiality agreements made over a solid pinky swear arrangement made years and years ago) within spitting distance were doing the exact same thing. It seemed that everyone had jumped on the Hanson bandwagon (haha bandwagon…get it? Because they’re a band…ok that was lame, I know).

As a smart and somewhat cocky girl that I was back then, I had the ingenious idea to convince everyone that yes, I in fact was related to the boy band wonders themselves. I casually slipped it into conversation one day at the lunch table over chocolate milk and tator tots. I couldn’t believe it but everyone actually fell for it. Upon the words, “Oh yeah, Zach, Taylor and Issac are my cousins…” leaving my mouth, I became the most popular girl, err, person in the whole fifth grade, the whole school. My closest friends of course were in on the secret prank I was pulling but everyone else was completely fooled. They hit me with hard-hitting journalistic questions about the guys, really serious stuff like “What their favorite type of cereal was”, “Boxers or briefs?” and of course, “Were they single?”.  They also asked if I could score them some autographs which I said I totally could do (I practiced scrawling my official Hanson brothers signatures in between spelling and math class and became quite good at it). This went on for a good while, or at least until Hanson was ushered out by new obsessions like one Miss Britney Spears and another little band called N’Sync…you might have heard of them. I never told my classmates the truth but they never seemed to mind or care. Once Hanson was put on the back-burner, they kind of forgot about the whole thing which was fine by me. The funny thing was, my name isn’t even spelled the same way; I am a Hansen, they are Hansons. It just goes to show how intuitive to details we were back then.

Seriously! How cute ARE they?!

Even though Hanson aren’t as popular now as they were back in 1997, I am still a big, HUGE in fact, fan of the group. They may all be married and have Mmmbopping kids of their own now but they still are and forever will be the fresh-faced and long-haired teeny boppers I grew to love and jam to (I still randomly bust into one of their many crazy good songs that have a permanent home in my music library from time to time). The fact that I am still such a big fan of Hanson made what I am about to share with you all the more exciting…

Apparently, Hanson are not only talented in the music arena but they are now dabbling in the beverage business. That’s right…Zach, Taylor and Issac have recently launched their own brand of beer, shamelessly (but quite ingeniously in my opinion) called “MmmHop”. The tasty beverage which is named after their hit single MmmBop that topped the Billboard charts way back is going to be an Indian pale ale  and will be available for purchase in stores and online as early as the beginning of next year. ow cool is that?! I will now be able to MmmBop while MmmHopping!

I wonder if I tell the manufacturer of the drink that I am ‘related’ to the makers of MmmHop, I will be able to score some free samples? It’s worth a shot, right?

Hope you all have a great rest of your Friday 🙂

Friday Funnies

Hey guys!

T. G. I. Friday! (and I’m not talking about the restaurant here, although, now that you mention it, I could go for some of their tasty quesadillas…mmm mmm good!)

It’s crazy to think that the first week of November is already behind us. Before you know it, we will all be stretchy-pantsed up, stuffing (pun intended) ourselves with turkey, mashed tators, and pumpkin pie, giving thanks (for our amazing and loving friends and family, good health and most importantly, that Wal-Mart was open late so that we could go and get the whipped cream that someone was supposed to pick up but forgot…because what is pumpkin pie without the cream, am I right folks?) and watching  our favorite team throw around a little pigskin. Ahh Thanksgiving. Then, it’s just a mere hop-skip and jump until the real fun begins, with Christmas and New Years just around the corner. I absotively posatutely LOVE this time of year!!! And to make it even more special, it will be the first time in forever and a day that my whole family will be together to celebrate which to me is better than any present I could ever receive under the tree (even if that means having an all-out smack down with the cousins to decide who will be the ‘Santa Clause’ and distribute the gifts to everyone Christmas morning. AaronTylerNickAlexandmylovelysisterLindsay…you’re so going down!). Are you as excited as I am?!

But before we get too ahead of ourselves, I want to send you off on a great weekend with a few of my new Friday Funnies. Kick back, relax, pour yourself a glass of chocolate milk, extra chocolate and have a laugh. It’s FRIDAY!

Ahhh...that explains it.

 

It's not bad enough that I can't get into my pickle jar, but this too?!

 

"Mr. President, after I destroy Washington D.C... I will destroy another major city every hour on the hour. That is, unless, of course, you pay me... One kajillion dollars..."

The face of innocence...

Somehow I don't think this is what they meant...

Now this is my kind of rationalization :)Mr. Ed never looked so good

Up 🙂

 

Ahhh...Nothing like a little wind in my hair, err, ears...

 Have a great weekend everyone!

Friday Funnies

We made it to Friday guys!

Whoo hoo!

I don’t know about you but this week was a doosey, a good doosey, but a doosey none the less. I can’t think of a better way to kick-start the weekend than with a makes-your-stomach-hurt-gives-you-Situation abs-gotta go pee ASAP-belly laugh.

On that note I present to you…

drum roll please…

this week’s edition of friday Funnies!

On my way home from running errands today, I made a pit stop at Wally-World to pick up a few essentials: a bag of peanut M&M’s, a small pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cookie Dough Craving, AA Batteries and some toilet paper, you know, the things every person should have in their house in case of emergencies 😉

As I was navigating my way through the store, I suddenly realized I was in the middle of a high-octane, balls to the wall, scooter showdown. I could almost hear the Nascar-like commentator replaying the exciting events for the cheering crowd…

The Scooter Shuffle

“Well folks we are on the final lap today here at Wal-Mart Raceway and what a race it’s been! The lady in Blue who was dead last to start the race has taken a sudden charging lead and is well on her way to a victory. I wouldn’t say she’s the winner quite yet however because trailing her neck-in-neck are gray shirt, purple frock and paisley polo. This could be a close one folks…”

Ehh boy. Only at Wally World.

Every time I see somebody on a scooter, I can’t help but think of this little nugget of goodness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gq4rT62TRsI

I don’t know about you, but with a scooter as cool as this baby, I would most definitely scoot to the edge of the Grand Canyon and  hover around the Statue of Liberty. Goodness, going anywhere would be a synch. I bet I could even take a trip into space and be the very first person to set foot, err, wheel, on the moon.”One small hover, for man. One giant scoot for mankind.” Just think of the possibilities! The question is though…if you owned a Hoveround Power Chair, where would you go next?

Another gem that instantly popped into my head upon witnessing the big Wal-Mart race today….

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csuZHyW-iGI

One of my favorite Seinfeld episodes of all-time (and there are a bunch!). You gotta hand it to George…he really held his own against the elderly scootin’ brigade. I mean they were tough. And did you check out the motors on those things? I bet they could have gone from 0-5 in, like, 30 minutes max. 😉

I hope everyone ‘rolls’ right into a great weekend!

Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself.

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