As we inch ever so closely to the upcoming Chrismakwanukkah/New Year’s season, there are so many fun things to look forward to, y’all! Cookies, parties, cookies, a reason to go out and buy that LBD, cookies, Christmas movies/tunes, cookies, and of course getting together with your friends and family who you probably haven’t seen since the last Chrismakwanukkah/New Year’s season.
So many fun things, guys!
That being said however, there is one thing that is bound to come up that isn’t the capital of fun-town.
The ever dreaded, “Are you seeing anyone?” question. When going through a dry spell, recovering from a recent breakup or successfully maintaining your perpetually single lifestyle (holla to all my single ladies out there!), it can seem like the entire world suddenly cares about your love life.
Aunt Mertyl, I’m talking to you.
They don’t mean any harm, really; they’re just trying to ask you about your life. But when you’re soooooo used to hearing this question and sooooo annoyed of saying no, sometimes it’s funsies to switch up your responses. Here are 19 different ways to respond to those curious minds.
1. “Yes, I’m actually seeing three different people right now…on different continents. I’m really good at multitasking. And you can’t beat those frequent flyer miles.”
2. Follow my girl Tina’s direction and muster up the biggest eye role you can, then dramatically walk away. 10 points to Gryffindor if there’s a door slam or two.
3. Burst into tears and babble hysterically until he or she apologizes: “I thought you knew…he was involved in a hit and run three weeks ago. He kept hitting on every girl within a five foot radius, so I ran. ”
4. “I’m actually going to Rome for a year, and I just really don’t want to be tied down when I’m surrounded by all those Italian men who are dying to bring me home to their mothers and feed me homemade pasta.”
5. “I’m definitely in a relationship with Barefoot Moscato. Does that count?”
6. “I’m joining a convent. I heard they make one hell of a pot roast on Sundays. That’s all the whoopi I need.”
7. “I’m on a boycott. You know, a boy-cott. Thanks folks! I’ll be here all night. Because I don’t have any other plans. Because, you know, I’m single.”
8. “No…but someone proposed to me at a bar last week. Does that count?”
9. “I’m in love with myself. And my mama always told me that that was enough. Right ma? MA?!”
10. “Not exactly…I just joined a cult where we don’t believe in any sort of lasting, committed relationships. We just use one another to keep the population populated. ”
11. “I see people all the time. I’m seeing you right now!”
12. “Actually, I’ve found paper folding and basket weaving to be a better use of my time. Look! A swan!”
13. “And then there’s the whole training my dog for the circus thing. Relationships? Ain’t nobody got time for that!”
14. Pull him or her aside and whisper, “Did my mother tell you to ask me that?! She did, didn’t she? MA!!!!”
15. “Ughhh, I only ever match with the weirdos on Tinder! I mean, what is with all the tigers?”
16. “I’ll be honest. I am ‘on the prowl,’ but guys just don’t seem to be picking up what I’m putting down.”
17. “My dog fulfills my need for companionship. So do my cats…and my guinea pig. And last night’s leftover pizza.”
18. “Have you seen the majority of the male population lately?!”
19. Point to a random guy and say, “Him. We just don’t like to interact in public settings.”
Maybe if we all celebrated the joys of being single over the holidays, we wouldn’t care at all about answering those annoying relationship status questions.
I’m talking to you, Aunt Mertyl.
Because remember, at the end of the day, the only person you have to answer to is yourself. And you’re pretty great—with or without an SO.