My Awesomely Random Life (and Everything in Between)

Posts tagged ‘Seinfeld’

24 Socially Unacceptable Things You Wish You Could Do IRL

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Costanza, I think you’re on to something here.

There are certain things in the life that get a bad rap (for whatever reason). If you didn’t want me to eat all of the samples, Costco, you wouldn’t be tempting me with all of that chicken nugget-jalopeno popper-pepperoni pizza-pigs in a blanket deliciousness. And yes, a good 99.999% of my wardrobe consists of leggings, which I wear to do all of the things (zippers and seams and zippers….regular pants are complicated, y’all).

Society seems to deem (hey, that rhymed!) these kinds of acts as “unacceptable”, but dammit sometimes a girl needs to stuff her face with bite-sized hot pocket-donut-quiche thingys while rocking her stretchy pants!!!

Here are a few more things you may wish you secretly could do IRL (without getting the evil side-eye).

  1. Replying to formal emails with the thumbs up emoji.
  2. Full-on cuddling with strangers’ dogs on the streets.
  3. Repeating outfits on the regular.
  4. Going raging Hulk-mode on your phone when Pandora/Spotify plays that one song you’ve begged it to never, ever, never ever play again. Ever. But somehow it always ends up on one of your stations right as you’ve run out of available skips.
  5. Triple texting.
  6. Desk-napping it up at work when you are really tired. Because that 8 cups of coffee can only do so much, y’all! *If my boss is reading this, I would never think of doing such a thing!!! I’d take it out to my car—much more comfortable. 
  7. On the off chance that you’re not wearing your stretchy pants, having the ability to unbutton your pants or loosen your belt at a restaurant after second breakfast. I want to be able to fully enjoy my food coma in comfort, thank you very much.
  8. Eating 1 2 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast.
  9. Openly admitting that you just don’t “get” Beyoncé.
  10. Publicly skipping and/or frolicking. There needs to be more frolicking.
  11. Saying “no” without needing to explain why.
  12. Car-karaokeing to this. On repeat.
  13. Dancing to this. On repeat.
  14. Kicking people in the back of the knees when they’re walking too slow in front of you. Totally JK, JK! But not really.
  15. Handing out demerits to rude people (shoutout to all the line-cutters, loud-talkers, anti-tippers, double-dippers, bullies and Cubs fans of the world).
  16. Eating 1 2 3 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for lunch.
  17. Picking that wedgie in public/whenever the hell it’s necessary.
  18. Actually being straightforward with people.
  19. Talking to yourself in public.
  20. Openly cringing people with bad breath.
  21. Implementing a citizen’s arrest on people who spoil the ending of that book you’re reading, movie you’ve been dying to see, or TV show finale you’ve got DVR’d.
  22. Being allowed to politely decline hugs. Because sometimes sweat and hairy arms/back happens and gross.
  23. Eating 1 2 3 4 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for dinner.
  24. Rocking that ‘black socks with sandals’ look because you do you, Bill!

QOTD: What are some of the socially unacceptable things you secretly with you could do IRL?

For the love of Peter Pan, it’s a FOOD BABY!

Hey friends!

So…

…kind of a funny story.

Earlier this morning at work I was asked the one most taboo-no-no-off limits-what are you thinking-have you been sniffing paint again-question. The one question that you, me and the next guy or gal must never, ever, neverevernever ask someone.

Like, ever.

I was shelving books and doing some inventory (my job is usually a lot more exciting than this, guys. I promise!) when one of my students came in to use the computers. I have a number of “regulars” who I see almost everyday, but this particular student was new. We started making small talk–the weather, Harry Potter, her super cute boots…and then she said this…

“I hope I don’t offend you, but…”

Quick Kit Kat break for a second here. Anytime this phrase is said, one can assume that nothing good can come from it. In fact, you can almost guarantee that you will be offended in some shape or form. This was no exception, however what this student would eventually ask I never in a million bajillion years saw coming.

“I hope I don’t offend you, but are you expecting?”

So that happened.

Um. Say what now?

If she meant the Packers going to the Super Bowl this year, or whether or not the Spice Girls would have a reunion tour, than yes, I was most definitely expecting those things.

But expecting, expecting?!

I stood there. Just stood there.

At first I wasn’t sure if I heard her correctly. Did she just go there? Anyone who’s anyone knows NOT to ever ask that question. And if anyone knows that unspoken cardinal rule, it should be my fellow sister right? #OveriesBeforeBroveries

She didn’t waste a lot of time before she followed up with, “You have such a cute little belly. And you’re positively glowing!”

Oh, she went there alright.

Ahhhh helllll no!

WHAT?!?!?!

I looked at her and said very calmly (or as calm as I could), “Yep, nope. I’m definitely not pregnant.” I could feel my face turn a shade of scarlet red, my palms started sweating and I think I may have sprouted my very first gray hair. The student of course apologized for implying that I was preggers and seemed to be pretty embarrassed by the whole thing.

At that moment a Rolodex of comebacks spun through my head, things I wanted to say, should have said but probably would have gotten me fired. For example:

“Cute little belly?! It’s called a food baby, lady!”

“The 80’s called, they want their parachute pants back.”

*Crap. That wasn’t even the best of comebacks because let’s face it, parachute pants are kind of ahhhhmazing.

“Maybe the dingo ate your baby!”

DINGOBABY

I should probably stick with my day job. Oy.

The whole situation was pretty funny, but you know what was even more so? The fact that I didn’t allow her comment to make me feel bad. Not at all. I may have had/still have (that breakfast bagel was huge! Deliciously huge!) a food baby, but damn it all to Reese’s Pieces, I earned it! And you know what else…..

WHO CARES?!

Not this gal! And nor should you. Or you. Or you. We all have those days where our hair will not cooperate whatsoever. Days when our clothes are a little tighter or our acne is a little more rampant (zits happen, people). We all have our flaws (camouflage parachute pants included), but it’s those flaws that make us who we are. We should embrace them, not hide them or be ashamed of them! We spend so much time and effort worrying about what others think of us, that we miss out on what’s important. Like relationships, work, possible Spice Girl reunions and most importantly, deliciously huge breakfast bagels.

Brunch, linner or lupper it up and let that food baby hang out! Just let it out! (Wow. That sounded better in my head but a tad weird in writing, no?) Life is wayyyyy too short to not enjoy every last bite.

But promise me one thing, k?

Neverevernever ask that question. Like, ever!

Also, if you could sign my petition to bring parachute pants back, I’d appreciate it mucho. 😉

25 Socially Unacceptable Things You Secretly Wish You Could Do IRL

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Costanza, I think you’re on to something here.

There are certain things in the life that get a bad rap (for whatever reason). If you didn’t want me to eat all of the samples, Costco, you wouldn’t be tempting me with all of that chicken nugget-jalopeno popper-pepperoni pizza-pigs in a blanket deliciousness. And yes, a good 99.999% of my wardrobe consists of leggings, which I wear to do all of the things (zippers and seams and zippers….regular pants are complicated, y’all).

Society seems to deem (hey, that rhymed!) these kinds of acts as “unacceptable”, but dammit sometimes a girl needs to stuff her face with bite-sized hot pocket-donut-quiche thingys while rocking her stretchy pants!!!

Here are a few more things you may wish you secretly could do IRL (without getting the evil side-eye).

  1. Replying to formal emails with the thumbs up emoji.
  2. Full-on cuddling with strangers’ dogs on the streets.
  3. Repeating outfits on the regular.
  4. Going raging Hulk-mode on your phone when Pandora/Spotify plays that one song you’ve begged it to never, ever, never ever play again. Ever. But somehow it always ends up on one of your stations right as you’ve run out of available skips.
  5. Triple texting.
  6. Desk-napping it up at work when you are really tired. Because that 8 cups of coffee can only do so much, y’all! *If my boss is reading this, I would never think of doing such a thing!!! I’d take it out to my car—much more comfortable. 
  7. On the off chance that you’re not wearing your stretchy pants, having the ability to unbutton your pants or loosen your belt at a restaurant after second breakfast. I want to be able to fully enjoy my food coma in comfort, thank you very much.
  8. Eating 1 2 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast.
  9. Openly admitting that you just don’t “get” Beyoncé.
  10. Publicly skipping and/or frolicking. There needs to be more frolicking.
  11. Saying “no” without needing to explain why.
  12. Car-karaokeing to this. On repeat.
  13. Dancing to this. On repeat.
  14. Kicking people in the back of the knees when they’re walking too slow in front of you. Totally JK, JK! But not really.
  15. Handing out demerits to rude people (shoutout to all the line-cutters, loud-talkers, anti-tippers, double-dippers, bullies and Cubs fans of the world).
  16. Eating 1 2 3 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for lunch.
  17. Picking that wedgie in public/whenever the hell it’s necessary.
  18. Actually being straightforward with people.
  19. Talking to yourself in public.
  20. Openly cringing people with bad breath.
  21. Implementing a citizen’s arrest on people who spoil the ending of that book you’re reading, movie you’ve been dying to see, or TV show finale you’ve got DVR’d.
  22. Being allowed to politely decline hugs. Because sometimes sweat and hairy arms/back happens and gross.
  23. Eating 1 2 3 4 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for dinner.
  24. Rocking that ‘black socks with sandals’ look because you do you, Bill!

QOTD: What are some of the socially unacceptable things you secretly with you could do IRL?

The 11 Question Survey

Hey guys! Reporting from a very quiet (too quiet) library, on another gloomy and rainy day. Blech. The college term just ended which means the students are on break for a week, which means a very long and mind-numbingly boring next seven work days for your truly. Double blech. The good news is I can now have epic dance parties behind my desk without getting any of those questioning impressed looks that I usually get from my students whenever I pull out my running man.

Or I could just pull a *Costanza.

The more that I think about it, George really was a genius well ahead of his time.

I thought I would switch things up a bit today and have a little fun. I’m a huge sucker for all things survey, so when I saw this one that my girl Julie over at Peanut Butter Fingers posted a while back, I knew I had to do it too! I always love sharing little bits and pieces about me, and learning more about you as well! So please feel free to play along, leaving answers to any or all of these 11 questions in the comments below!

The 11 Question Survey

1. In baseball each player gets a “walk up song” that plays on his way up to the plate. What song would you pick?

I actually was having this conversation with my friend Chris (my fellow Milwaukee Brewers fan[atic]) and decided that it would probably be a tossup between Black Widow by Iggy Azalea and Rita Ora or Centuries by Fall Out Boy.

2. What’s the best thing that happened to you last weekend?

The best thing that happened to me last weekend was being able to spend time with my sister. We didn’t do anything to terribly exciting; I helped her practice for an interview she had on Monday (which she killed beeteedubs! Proud sister right here!) and then a Target run, but just being able to hang out with her is pretty incredible. I forgot how much I missed her when she was living in Georgia. I mean, yes, half of my closet has mysteriously gone missing, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. No, but seriously. Lindsay, if you’re reading this, I want my sweatshirt back.

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3. If you could have a starring role in any film already made, which movie would you pick?

Since Field of Dreams is my all-time favorite movie, I think I would go with either playing the role of either Annie or Karin. I know it’s not necessarily a staring role, but to star alongside Kevin Kostner and James Earl Jones, in any capacity?! Heaven. (actually, it’s Iowa.)

4. What actor/actress would you have play you in a movie of your life?

Emma Stone. Funny, humble, and incredibly talented. LOVE her!

5. What is your favorite quote?

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7. What was your first concert?

The first concert I ever went to was Hanson. I was thirteen and obsessed with Zach, the youngest of the brothers who was also the drummer and had the most envious of hair. Confession: I’m still obsessed with Hanson, Zach, and his incredible hair.

8. What Internet website do you visit the most?

I’m a bit of a Twitter fiend but also love visiting Hellogiggles. 🙂

9. Which of Snow White’s 7 dwarfs describes you the best and why?

Today it would definitely be Sleepy (*see Costanzaing above), but on most days, I would consider myself Happy. I try to keep a positive attitude about pretty much everything and instill that same joy in others. Life is way too short to be the Grumpy of the group.

10. If you were on death row, what would your last meal be?

Good Gobstoppers, this is a hard one. I think I would have the most epic of brinners ever: Pancakes, French toast, waffles and scrambled eggs, fresh fruit, a bowl of Frosted Flakes the size of Texas, a cold glass of chocolate milk and for dessert (because every breakfast should have dessert), a vat of Culver’s frozen custard with chocolate chip cookie dough on top. Crap. Now I want waffles.

11. What is the background of your computer?

The background of my computer is one of my favorite pictures of my main man Thunder and I. Every time I look at it, my heart explodes into a million smiles. 🙂

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Questions of the day: Now it’s your turn…

Life lessons from Elaine Benes

Seinfeld is, to this day, the greatest sitcom that was or ever will be on television (anyone who thinks otherwise is completely bonkers).  I could go on and on about what made it the epitome of amazing; the nothingness that was actually everything, the cooky and sometimes ridiculous but always endearing relationship dynamics, the humor in the mundane and the ultimate relatablility factor.

Not a day goes by that I don’t stop and think to myself, “yep, I totally just pulled a Costanza.”

Of course with a zany cast of characters like Jerry, George and “Kozmo” Kramer, you are bound to get your fill of belly laughs and ROTFLs. However the real breakout of the show, the crazy glue that held the even crazier gaggle of friends together, the person who will forever be my girl crush? The one and only Elaine Benes.

Of course when Seinfeld was originally on the air back in the early 90’s, I was far too young to fully appreciate the show and the magnitude of awesomeness that it held. As I binge watch the show (on the regular) now as an independent and quirky 20-something young woman, I can fully appreciate and understand not only the ridiculous comic genius of the show, but also how truly kick-ass the character of Elaine Benes was.

Here are just some of the life-lessons I have learned from Miss Benes.

11. You will inevitably do things in life that will royally embarrass yourself. (If you’re like me, this pretty much happens on a daily basis.) Did you put your shirt on inside-out…again? Walk out of the restaurant restroom with toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe? Get caught karaoking in your car to some T-Swift? No worries at all. It happens to everyone.  The key to owning your “oops” moments is to laugh, laugh, laugh it off.

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10. Sometimes the best thing to do in an awkward situation is to just smile and nod, smile and nod.

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9. Know your priorities in life and don’t be afraid to stick to your guns.

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8. Dance like no one is watching, especially when you have mad-skills like this.

7. Accept that there may be some things that you will never fully understand.

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6. Always be on the quest for answers to the deep, philosophical questions in life.

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5. Never leave the house hangry.

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4. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

3. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and value the relationships/friendships you have.

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2. Never underestimate the power of comedic timing.

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And most importantly…

1. Live a life that is full of excitement, laughter, joy and love.

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To my fictional forever bestie, I salute you.

Iamges via, via

Life’s Little Awesomes: Eating Cookies Like Cookie Monster

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It’s the epitome of gluttonous satisfaction when you find yourself home alone, slouching on the couch in front of the TV with your eyes half open, a steady trail of cookie crumbs  dripping from your mouth onto your shirt and pants, chocolate smears on your lips and fingers, and the telltale cookie package laying beside you, the plastic tray peeled all the way out of the bag, entire rows laying vacant  except for a bit of brown dust and maybe a rogue chocolate chip or two.

It’s satisfying, alright, because many delicious cookies were eaten, without witnesses, in a very quick and steady stream, by shoving them into your mouth, chewing a few times, and then swallowing quickly to make room for the next one. You’re a cookie monster and you love it.

Eating cookies like Cookie Monster is great because, more than anything, it represents freedom. Yes, free thought takes you to the pantry, free will makes you grab that cookie package and sit down on the couch, and free Seinfeld reruns keep you company while you sit down and enjoy. You’re the Executive Chef in your personal dessert kitchen here.

Just tell me that’s not liberating.

I mean sure, we all know it’s not the greatest idea to eat a pile of cookies just before bed, but that’s not the point. The point is: you can do it.

You’ve come a long way from the portion-controlled cookie snacks you got when you were a kid, that maybe two or three cookies on a small plate with a tall glass of milk that just wet your appetite for more. Now it’s all you, all the time baby. Nobody is going to stop you except you. You can eat a whole row. Heck, you can eat two rows. You can plough them in there. You can savor them slowly. The point is my friends, it’s such a great feeling to scarf cookies without abandon like Cookie Monster.

He was, is, and will forever be a role model for us all.

AWESOME!

Friday Fav’s

HAPPPPPPY FRIDAYYYYYY!!!

Well friends, we survived another week.

It was pretty touch and go there for a minute. Flashback to Monday’s madness along with my toilet going rogue on Tuesday–I forgot to tell you guys about that one. Let’s just say it was very loud, very shaky, and very Moaning Myrtle-esque. Oofta. Thankfully my apartment’s maintenance was able to fix it the  next day but not before me having to endure a night-long chainsaw serenade.

It’s safe to say that I am more than thrilled that this week has come to an end.

Thankfully it should be a calm weekend at home before the storm of summer activities begins. If you’re anything like me, than your calendar for the next three months is filling up fast with road trips, weddings and get togethers. I can’t wait to fill in the cracks with long hikes, many  a baseball game and plenty of pool/patio time. My apartment just officially opened our pool (just one week after we got hit with a May snow storm I might add—I’ve never seen anything like Colorado weather!) and I am itching to get my chlorine/suntanburn/swim on!

Well I hope you’ve got some fun plans in the works for this weekend, and in the meantime please enjoy my favorite finds from around the web and beyond in this week’s Friday Fav’s! 🙂

Favorite craft: Personalized Photo Map. Yes, yes, yes! I have been wanting to do something like this for ages. Print out pictures of yourselves in all the 50 states then cut out and pin over a map. Too cool.

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Favorite furball: Wet Dog. I could not. stop. cracking. up. at these pictures of wet dogs mid-bath. Poor poochies!

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Favorite indulge: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Scotcharoos. I didn’t think scotcharoos could get any better but clearly I was wrong – to the tune of two additional layers of deliciousness. 🙂

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Favorite read: The Rosie Project. This hilarious, feel-good novel is narrated by an oddly charming and socially challenged genetics professor on an unusual quest: to find out if he is capable of true love. I literally found myself LOLing in certain parts of the book. You can’t help but fall in love yourself with the main character Dr. Tillman, a man after my somewhat socially-challenged and awkward heart 🙂

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Favorite place: Emerald Lake. Just 20 miles or so west of Lake Louise in Alberta, Canada, this lake is absolutely breathtaking. I would rent a house here for a week in the summertime in a heartbeat!

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Favorite flashback: Seinfeld. It’s hard to believe that this past Wednesday marked the show finale’s 15th anniversary. Greatest show in the history of ever. Yada, yada, yada…

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Favorite funny: Hutzler 571 anana Slicer Reviews.  The user reviews on this simple banana slicer are HILARIOUS. Click to view all the reviews, then sort by “most helpful” and get a tissue handy. You’ll be crying from laughter!

I would rate this product as just okay. It’s kind of cheaply made. But it works better than the hammer I’ve been using to slice my bananas.

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Favorite treat: Chocolate Chip Cookie Popcorn. I’m kind of on the fence about crazy popcorn creations. Give me some butter and salt, and I’m good. That said, I flipped when I saw this sweet Chocolate Chip Cookie Popcorn. I would definitely inhale this!

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Favorite find: Circulation Chest. I am 1000% obsessed with this chest!!! Remember way, way back when libraries used actual card catalogues?!  I could have my own circulation area for my library of books!!! WHAT?! Cough, #NERD

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Favorite pastime: Work this week has been on the slowwww side, so in order for me to keep my sanity and not fall asleep, drooling all over my keyboard, I’ve become quite the doodlist. Top of the muffin to you! 😉

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Favorite view: Seeing the World Out an Airplane Window. You guys have to see these views from the window seat of an airplane on flights from around the world. They’re good photos, too, not like my crappy iPhone shots…

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Favorite kicks: Suede Fringe Moccasins.cannot get over how comfy these moccasins look. I am praying that they get more size 10’s in stock soon because I’m dying for a pair.

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Kick up your heels and have a great weekend everybody 🙂

 

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