Costanza, I think you’re on to something here.
There are certain things in the life that get a bad rap (for whatever reason). If you didn’t want me to eat all of the samples, Costco, you wouldn’t be tempting me with all of that chicken nugget-jalopeno popper-pepperoni pizza-pigs in a blanket deliciousness. And yes, a good 99.999% of my wardrobe consists of leggings, which I wear to do all of the things (zippers and seams and zippers….regular pants are complicated, y’all).
Society seems to deem (hey, that rhymed!) these kinds of acts as “unacceptable”, but dammit sometimes a girl needs to stuff her face with bite-sized hot pocket-donut-quiche thingys while rocking her stretchy pants!!!
Here are a few more things you may wish you secretly could do IRL (without getting the evil side-eye).
- Replying to formal emails with the thumbs up emoji.
- Full-on cuddling with strangers’ dogs on the streets.
- Repeating outfits on the regular.
- Going raging Hulk-mode on your phone when Pandora/Spotify plays that one song you’ve begged it to never, ever, never ever play again. Ever. But somehow it always ends up on one of your stations right as you’ve run out of available skips.
- Triple texting.
- Desk-napping it up at work when you are really tired. Because that 8 cups of coffee can only do so much, y’all! *If my boss is reading this, I would never think of doing such a thing!!! I’d take it out to my car—much more comfortable.
- On the off chance that you’re not wearing your stretchy pants, having the ability to unbutton your pants or loosen your belt at a restaurant after second breakfast. I want to be able to fully enjoy my food coma in comfort, thank you very much.
12 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast.
- Openly admitting that you just don’t “get” Beyoncé.
- Publicly skipping and/or frolicking. There needs to be more frolicking.
- Saying “no” without needing to explain why.
- Car-karaokeing to this. On repeat.
- Dancing to this. On repeat.
- Kicking people in the back of the knees when they’re walking too slow in front of you. Totally JK, JK! But not really.
- Handing out demerits to rude people (shoutout to all the line-cutters, loud-talkers, anti-tippers, double-dippers, bullies and Cubs fans of the world).
1 23 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for lunch.
- Picking that wedgie in public/whenever the hell it’s necessary.
- Actually being straightforward with people.
- Talking to yourself in public.
- Openly cringing people with bad breath.
- Implementing a citizen’s arrest on people who spoil the ending of that book you’re reading, movie you’ve been dying to see, or TV show finale you’ve got DVR’d.
- Being allowed to politely decline hugs. Because sometimes sweat and hairy arms/back happens and gross.
1 2 34 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for dinner.
- Rocking that ‘black socks with sandals’ look because you do you, Bill!
QOTD: What are some of the socially unacceptable things you secretly with you could do IRL?