Things I Get Weirdly Excited About Buying As A [Somewhat] Functioning Adult

Am I the only one who breaks out into a sweat anytime I enter The Container Store?! I. Want. Just. All. Of. The. THINGS!!!

1.Towels

Dudes, there is nothing like a matching set of overpriced fluffy as hell towels that you personally, intentionally fold and artfully hang in your bathroom. Sometimes I stare at my bathroom (when it’s actually, you know, clean) and just feel so damn proud of how…real and grown up it looks. I just want to bring everyone who happens to come into my house over and show them, point at it and go, “Look how much of an adult I am! My bathroom is color coordinated! I spent way too much on those towels but they feel like the purest unicorn fur when I run them across my body and they match the fucking curtains!”

I don’t do this…but I want to. Man, do I want to.

2. Sheets

So basically, towels, but for your bed, and you know, less absorbent I guess. I think it’s pretty common knowledge that freshly cleaned sheets is one of the best things in the world (especially when combined with freshly shaven legs…mmmm) but this is further improved if the thread count is high (another important yet menial part of adulting happens to be understanding the importance of thread count, or at least pretending you do) and if they match the window curtains and rug. Toss in some useless pillows with rhinestones that could literally poke your eye out if you laid on it, and your metamorphosis is complete.

3. Couch pillows (or just pillows in general)

Never underestimate the power of a new pillow (minus the rhinestones) on your bed. It’s like resting your weary adult head on a beautiful sea of golden clouds. Also, there is something horribly satisfying about finding pillows that match your cheap second-hand couch somewhere and then victoriously arranging them on said shitty couch. Look at that ascetic! Look at that decorative freaking comfort! LOOK AT IT!!

Now buy an afghan and call it a day, you’ve done it: Ultimate Adulthood level reached!

4. Kitchen stuff

If someone told me at fourteen that I would be over-the-moon excited about a big electric mixer and a set of matching spatulas on Christmas morning, I would have thrown my emo-punk rock music collection directly in their faces. Then I probably would have run to my room and written really shitty poetry about the darkness in my heart, or something.

But I didn’t. Because guys, kitchen stuff is the bomb.com.

5. Books

‘Nuff said

6. Alcohol

Am I the only person who still feels weirdly like an imposter when perusing the whiskey section? Like my grandmother is going to come barreling around the corner and beat me with a wooden cooking spoon or something. There’s this weird sensation of getting away with something every time I make it through the checkout line and I just kind of look at my booze collection on top of the fridge when I get home and think –yes, yes I am a grown human with mind-addling liquids of my own, admire me!

And okay, so I don’t actually drink it most of the time. But it’s the idea behind it that counts, right? Right.

7. Silverware

Recently I got legitimately and disgustingly excited about buying a really ‘cool’ set of silverware at the store impromptu one day. Down with the sporks and in with the good stuff, baby!

8. Stuff that smells good

Laundry detergent, dryer sheets, air fresheners, wax-melty-thingys, candles, bath bombs, soap –God, I just want all the best smells in the world and I want to put them directly in my house all the time for always and forever and ever. Consequently I have way more air fresheners than any human being could possibly go through in three life times.

I’m now picturing my grandchildren unearthing a box of Febreeze bottles and passing them down to their children very ceremoniously (do those things have an expiration date? Huh, I wonder.)

9. Wine glasses

There is just something about those wine glasses, man. They instantly adult the shit out of my evening, even if I’m drinking chocolate milk out of them. Like, I feel the need to play classical music and sit near a fire (in the middle of an Arizona summer) while reading poetry to my dogs… or something.

10. Buying a whole cake for no reason

This is not something I do often (I’ve only done it twice), but let me tell you, it was worth it. There is something powerful about the realization that you can quite literally mosey on down to your local grocery store and buy a cake for no reason other than that you really want cake. It could even say freaking ‘Happy Birthday!’ on it and it wouldn’t matter, because no one is going to care, no one is going to question you. Then you can take yourself back home and eat it, eat it all, every piece, you don’t have to share with a single person, and no one is going to yell at you.

That’s a true taste of freedom, my friend.

QOTD: What are some of the things you get weirdly excited about buying?

Me and Jenny Were Like Peas and Carrots

Couples. In pop-culture, in nature, and in life, there have been many famous and favorite pairs that have surpassed the hands of time, making the ‘favorite lists’ of both young and old.

Yesterday as I was walking through the mall, doing some early Christmas shopping, a lot of window browsing, and a little people watching, the idea of couples and pairs popped into my head. It could have been because everywhere I looked, everything and everyone I saw seemed to be surrounded by  another half, an equal and balancing counterpart. Some things just belong together:  the man dressed to the nines in a high-power business suit talking stocks and trades (or whatever high-power business suit wearing men talk about) in his bluetooth WHILE writing an email on his Blackberry (side note-not the best thing to do while crossing a busy downtown street if you don’t want to become a hood ornament), the mother of four kids chasing after her little rugrats, diaper bag the size of Texas in one hand, decked-out stroller in the other, and an oh so cute elderly couple walking hand-in-hand while casually strolling through the stores, still very much in love after all of their years together.

Yep. Some things just go together like, well, peanut butter and jelly, a Nicholas Sparks book and a box of tissues, a brisk December day and a nice cup of hot cocoa.

 This whole idea of couples and pairs got me to think: what are some of my favorite couplings of all time? Are there any pairings that don’t go together so well? Is two really better than one? Below is a list of some of my favorite pairs of all time as well as those which I think are better off alone than together. I also thought it would fun to include those couples and/or pairs that may not be so common but that I find to be pretty darn amazing (and which I double-dog dare you to give a try).

My favorite pairs of all time:

Milk and cookies

The Milwaukee Brewers and I (We’re kind of a package deal)

Late night and Jimmy Fallon

Charlie Brown and Snoopy

Long runs and some good tunes (I’m a fan of anything old-school 80’s rock related but feel free to personalize your playlist as you wish)

Rainy days (Sunny days. Or  windy days. Or snowy days. Or, well, basically any kind of day and a good book)

Movies and popcorn

Love and the get-weak-in-the-knees-homerun-butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling

Christmas and the magical giving spirit

Ben & Jerry

Photographs and irreplaceable/long-lasting memories

Jeans and a t-shirt

Best friends and belly laughs

Green and Gold

Family/friends and bear hugs

Camping and s’mores/puggie pies

Prayer and possibility

Pairs that are better off single:

The Cubbs and/or Cardinals and I (also excepted here: any team OTHER than the Brewers and I, but especially the aforementioned teams)

Donald Trump and a good hairpiece–Talk about fly-aways 😉

Pizza and ranch dressing (blek!)

Late nights and early mornings

Dogs and sweaters (or booties, jackets, hats and/or any other piece of clothing you’d pull out of your own closet)

Meat and loaf (I mean, really…who was the wacky person who thought that packing meat into a loaf-shaped apparatus and then baking it, slathering it in ketchup and then eating it cold by the light of the refrigerator light at midnight  was a genius idea? In my opinion, the only thing that should be in loaf-form is bread. And the only thing that should be eaten cold by the light of the refrigerator light at midnight is ANYTHING but meatloaf. Sorry mom.)

Socks and sandals

Justin Bieber and multi-platinum records. Awards.CD’s. A nail polish line?

Out-of-the-shoe-box pairs I swear by (that you have to try!)

High tops and knee socks

Paperclips and jewelry

Peanut butter and pickle sandwiches

Scrambled eggs and maple syrup (I know what you’re thinking but it is soooooo good!)

Ice cream and saltine crackers (a staple my great-grandpa swore by…the epitamy of salty and sweet!)

I guess in some cases, two is really better than one. And one ‘two’ that is most definitely better than one…cookie dough and ice cream. Speaking of which, I better get going because I have a pint of the scrumptious stuff sitting on the counter and it’s calling my name  🙂

I hope you have a great rest of your first day of December!

Question of the day: What are some of your favorite pairs?

Life’s Little Awesomes: Taking a Spin on a Shopping Cart

Hey baby.

Take a ride on the wild side.

Yes. While walking down that empty grocery store aisle, look left at the Cocoa Puffs, look right at the Pop Tarts, nod confidently, and then step on the cart and fly.

Apples bounce, salami slides, and there are some intense g-forces on your loaf of bread. But a few seconds later, a few feet away, how much are you smiling after that dangerous floor-tile thrill ride to the yogurt section?

Now, there are a few different ways these dangerous deeds can go down.

Are you ready?

Can you handle it?

Here we go:

1. Pedal to the metal. This is the classic one-foot ride to heaven. Two hands on the bar, one foot jammed underneath, and your back leg hanging out like a wobbly figure skater. Just make sure you’ve got a watermelon and a sack of potatoes in your cart to hold her steady.

2. Two Footer. This is similar to the Pedal to the Metal, but with more commitment. Without your skiddy-soled runners providing an emergency brake, anything could happen. Remember to know your limits and play safe out there.

3. A Tisket A Tasket. Someone’s riding in the basket. Make sure you don’t crash into a wall of soup because the only air bags in this thing are full of vadalia onions.

4. The Station Wagon. Remember that backseat in old station wagons facing the opposite direction? This is the shopping cart version. Hold on tight to the front of the cart and hope the driver doesn’t steer you into the egg wall. That would be eggs-tremely messy.

5. The Submarine. Highly not-recommended. This deep-sea move consists of riding underneath where soda cans and diapers usually sit. it also consists of being at the mercy of the lunatic driver above you. Remember to be safe in that grocery store jungle. Nobody wants to go home with a forehead full of kidney bean can dents.

Yes, taking a quick spin on a shopping cart is a coffee aisle vacation.

It’s juice and jam jubilation.

It’s diaper dash temptation.

And it’s a supermarket celebration.

AWESOME!

 

A Little Fries With My Catch-Up

Hey guys!

Long time, no post.  For the last week or so, I have been sans internet…which in a way was slightly invigorating. For something that is supposed to shave minutes from the clock, it is amazing how much time technology ends up sucking from you each and every day. It makes me want to try to spend less time playing ‘Words with Friends’ and surfing the web everyday and instead, start spending more time playing ‘Tug of War’ with my dog and, maybe even learning how to really surf (we’ll have to wait until it gets a bit warmer however for that one, wetsuit and all).

So much has happened in the last week that I wanted to share with you guys! Did you all have a great Thanksgiving? Snab any awesome Black Friday deals?

To give you a brief overview of how I spent my holiday and what has been happening in my neck of the woods, I thought I’d give you just a quick Cliff Notes version (You know me…I could write a novel just on Thanksgiving alone but I will spare you the lengthy write-up and just give you the high points) of what went down with moi over the past few days or so to catch you all up…

• A Day of Thanks and Giving

My Thanksgiving was amazing! Not only was it the first T-Day that my mom, sister, dad and myself were all together to celebrate in over four years, but it was the first that my mom hosted herself…and quite successfully I might add–we didn’t even have to dig in to the back-up frozen pizzas, which we had just in case the turkey was a no-go. My dad was the master turkey briner/roaster/carver, I was in charge of the squash/salads and my mom did an excellent job of preparing some FoodNetwork-worthy appetizers which we inhaled during the Packer game…aka pre-meal. Speaking of Packers….can you believe they are 11-0?! How totally amazeballs is that? Overall it was great day, not just because of the delicious stretchy-pants-testing food or the big Detroit defeat by the Packers…no. It was great because of who I was able to spend it with and the memories that were made. Isn’t that was Thanksgiving is really all about?

       

• Suicide Shopping and Santa Clause

Every year, my mom and I have a tradition of going through the phone-book sized ads that come in the newspaper Thanksgiving day, mapping out and planning our shopping excursion based on location, item and price and then getting up in the wee hours of Black Friday (around 3 AM) to brave the stores along with thousands of other crazy shoppers. This year however, we needn’t have to wait until 3 AM the next day because most stores opened up as early as 10 PM Thanksgiving night! How crazy is that? I mean I am all for a deal when it comes to shopping for Christmas gifts, but really? Shouldn’t people be allowed at least one day to spend with their families? Money is just money after all. If they keep going at the rate they are, the big honchos who own and operate all of these stores will have them be open all day, paying no recognition at all to holidays or the significance that they hold. Oh well, whatcha gonna do I guess.

As most of you know, I have a slight addiction to DVD’s. I’m a DVD whore, plain and simple. I can’t not walk into an FYI, Wal-Mart or Target without walking out with one (or three) movies or TV shows on DVD. Jimmy Choo shoes are to Carrie Bradshaw what movies are to me…I gots to have me some…and not just some…tons. Upon hearing that Wal-Mart and Target had unbelievable DVD sales (I’m talking $2 DVD’s here!) Thanksgiving night, I knew where I was headed. After a quick post-dinner nap, I headed on out to brave the lines and hoards and hoards of people already awaiting the 10 o’clock hour at Wal-Mart. Now I have been Black Friday shopping many times before and have been in some crazy crowds, but never, ever, like this. Upon first stepping through the store’s doors, I knew it was going to be one interesting night. There were people EVERYWHERE! And I mean everywhere. You couldn’t walk two steps without bumping into someone’s cart or leg or accidentally stepping on their toes. I made my way to where the DVD’s where being held and waited with the many others who were after the same thing I was until 10 PM when the deals would officially start. Waiting in line was like waiting for the gun to go off at a race…the anticipation was brutal; the crowd stood hungrily eying the movies that they wanted, ready to pounce on them at the stroke of 10. Once it was time, the animals were let out of the cage so to speak; the people around me rushed forward, grabbing armfuls and armfuls of DVD’s (and I am pretty sure my hair and jacket multiple times along the way), not even caring what they were. It. Was. Nuts. At one point, I bent over to get a copy of Glee for my mom when all of a sudden a crazy old lady in pajamas pushed me from behind, sending me flying to the ground. She got my Glee, and gave me a gnarly bruise instead. In the words of Stephanie Tanner…”How rude.” I got what I had wanted for the most part, walking away with over 17 movies and TV shows and saving over $60 in the process but goodness…it was quite the shopping experience. That following day, I went out with my mom around 1 PM, the chaos mostly over with, to see if we could score any more deals. Most of the things were long gone by the time we got there but we did run into this guy…

Elfs smelfs...Kris Kringle gets all of his toys at Wally World!

• The Doggy Blues

Did you know that dogs can be clinically depressed? I didn’t know either but apparently they can. My pup Thunder has had a problem of biting and scratching his paws and legs for some time now, almost to the point of scaring. we thought that he could have allergies, possibly to his food, that would cause him to itch, scratch and break-out the way that he has been, but we took him into the vet last Saturday and found out that he has high anxiety, especially when he is away from his owners, faces a great change or shift in his routine or is left on his own….poor guy. He was prescribed some antidepressants (five pills a day which we have to sneak into a heavily buttered piece of bread to get him to take and even sometimes, we end up just covering in butter…Thunder is the only dog I know who could eat sticks of butter like they were a dog biscuit. He may end up weighing 200 lbs. the next time we take him to the vet but he will be happy!) which will hopefully help him out. For a treat, we gave him an early Christmas present and he LOVES it!

• Blind Date

Oh goodness…I am going on a date tomorrow night. Me. On  date? That hasn’t happened in eons it seems like so it’s fair to say I might be a little rusty. Man oh man…what do I wear? How should I fix my hair? Nails painted or not? Totally going to have to remind myself not to burp out loud until at least the third date. It’s kind of nice to be in that fun and flirty stage of a possible new relationship, or at the very least, a friendship. I am always down for meeting new people and making new friends, and if something beyond that were to happen, I would definitely be okay with that too. Wish me luck!

I guess that pretty much catches you all up. I hope you all had a fantastic holiday and are having a great end to your humpday!

Until next time…

🙂

You’re So Vain…

…you probably think this post is about you.

I think Carly Simon hit the nail on the head with that one.

One of the things I like to do (in a totally non-stalkerish sort of way of course) is to people watch. I think we are probably one of the most fascinating creatures on the planet (with maybe the exception of sharks…if you don’t believe me, catch Shark Week on Animal Planet–crazy cool!). My fascination is so strong that I spent four years in college  dedicated to learning the intricacies of how we as a species think, act, respond, feel, and function.  I find everything about us so very interesting, from the way we walk and talk, dress and present ourselves; in some ways we are completely different and unique, yet at the same time, so much the same.

Earlier today as I sat in a Starbucks, taking a break from a crazy session of window shopping that I was fully partaking in(one of my favorite forms of exercise) and enjoying myself a tasty cake pop, I naturally found myself surveying my surroundings. I could smell the coffee and fresh pastries that were being brewed and baked a mere 5 ft. away from where I sat. I could hear the conversations of the people sitting next to me, the tap-tap-tapping of fingers against laptop keyboards, the pounding of footsteps and swishing of shopping bags coming from the many patrons getting their MasterCard on in the mall and the screaming and crying of little kids that would every so often pass by, giving a temper-tantrum only curable by a cookie or ice cream cone from the food court. I saw professionals in suits conducting business and jabbering away on their cell phones and blue-tooths (gosh those things are annoying, no offense), clusters of teenagers just out of school armed with their parents money and ready to spend, crazed moms juggling diaper bags and strollers, questionable fashion statements…

It's Yoshi!

store window displays…

So wrong...yet so funny!

and the cutest little couple that you ever did see…

How adorable are they?!

I noticed the body language of people, how they interacted with each other, whether they were smiling or laughing. I also noticed the clothes that they wore, the way they had their hair and the languages and accents in which they spoke. For funnsies, I pretended to give each person I saw a story, a background of why they were there, what and who they were shopping for (a game my mom and I used to do, making up conversations for what we thought they were saying). There were a lot of single people, groups of friends, moms and their kids and of course many a couple. Just going off of appearance, some couples looked like they were two peas in a pod; they shared the same sort of style, were the same height, and even had the same mannerisms. Other couples however walked hand-in-hand but were clearly total opposites; there was an obvious age difference, one was tall and the other very short (think Michael Jordan and Snookie) or one had tattoos up the ying-yang while the other was dressed in cashmere sweaters and pearls. Appearance can say a lot, but there is so much more than what a person can observe just from the outside.

One of the things in particular that came to my attention was how many times, women in particular, looked at their reflection in the store windows as they walked by. Confession time: I must admit, I myself have done this very thing in the past. I walk by the giant windowed store front of a Bath & Body Works or an Old Navy, pretending to look at what lay before me inside the store, when all along I was fixing my crazy bed-head hair or adjusting my wonky jeans that were two sizes too small, hoping that no one sees me in action. I think we all have done this at one point in time or another, casually looked at ourselves through the looking-glass if you will. Once or twice is totally fine by me but some people can take it too far, almost to an extreme. Talking of extremes…I actually went on a date once with a guy who, no lie, fix his hair/teeth/shirt/hair/hair/hair in anything remotely shiny aka the car door mirror, the restaurant window, the napkin holder, and even his spoon! Yes, he was gorgeous but had the personality of a rock. AND…I had to pay for dinner because he conveniently ‘forgot’ his wallet in his other pair of way too skinny jeans. It’s safe to say that was a flub to the nth degree…but that’s another story for another day…

I came up with a theory based on these observations of window-watchers: I hypothesized (just a fancy word for educated guess based on observations that I had) that women, more specifically young women, would be more highly to look at themselves in the window than men, both in time and in frequency. My theory suggests that women feel the need to impress people (both men and other women) with how they look, putting more emphasis on appearance and looks than their male counterparts, sometimes equating beauty with success or likeability.

To test my theory, I decided to have a little Freudian fun.

To see what I did and the results, check out my next post 🙂