Trust Me When I Say…

…that even if your plans have changed, even if your timeline is different, even if this year has not unfolded the way you thought it would — you are not falling behind, but instead, are right where you need to be.

The course of our lives is not contingent upon things happening precisely as we think they should. In fact, it’s often the unexpected that opens us up to opportunities that weren’t crossing our radars, ideas about life, and love, and the world itself, that we hadn’t stopped to consider. If you know that it’s time to slow down, to simplify, to take it easier, to savor your days, to adjust your course — you are absolutely right.

You are not straying from the path, you are finally finding it.

You are learning that real growth is not always just constant forward motion. Growth is also staying still. Growth is deep rest. Growth is stopping to reconsider where you’re headed before you arrive there. Growth is letting yourself settle, it’s letting yourself blossom, it’s letting yourself see how much good is already in your life before you hunger for more.

You are allowed to take days to grieve, to do nothing. You are allowed to press your plans back until they make more sense. You do not exist on a single schedule, your fate is not to arrive at each set point at precisely the second you think you should. That’s not what you’re here for. That’s not what this whole thing is about.

You cannot miss the exit.

There are no wrong turns.

Life is a living, breathing thing — because it’s an extension of you.

It’s the ways in which you explore the corners and contours of your soul, the way you find pieces of yourself through love, through trial and error, through reaching, through supporting and learning and caring and doing good. Every part of our lives exists to teach us something. We are not only making progress when we are clearly, discernibly growing. We are also making progress when we take time to simply be.

The irony is that it’s often the plans that go wrong that teach us more, and show us more, than the ones that go right.

Those words even signify our perceptions of how we are meant to be in the world, that we cannot possibly do anything but what was pre-determined, otherwise we’re failing, and off-course.

The truth that I am asking you to consider is that even if all you did was wake up and keep breathing today, you did what you are supposed to do. Even if all you could manage was to take care of your most essential tasks, you have done more than many can. If you’re able to reach for something just beyond yourself, you should applaud yourself and feel profoundly grateful for your courage, your strength, and your grit.

You should not feel ashamed that you aren’t able to wake up and do that every single day.

Because you and I? We are human beings just trying to sort through the realities and imperfections of being on this planet, with all of these people, trying to coexist and make sense of it all and come out on the other end a little more okay than we were before.

Our lives are not defined by how clearly and seamlessly we reach each goal, but what we are able to savor from each day.

Who were we, and how did we show up, in the simplest moments, in the easiest ways? We are far more defined by the way we make others feel than the way we think they feel about us. We are far more impacted by learning to see what we have as enough as opposed to thinking we’re only okay once we have more. We are far better for taking time to rest, to regenerate, and seeing this not as a stagnation, but a beautiful, and essential, part of being who we are.

May this be the year that you learn slowing down is nothing to be ashamed of.

May this be the year that you realize your life isn’t on any schedule but your own — and you can amend that.

May this be the year you realize you are not only as good as your latest accomplishment was great.

You are not falling behind, you never have been.

The journey has only ever been about learning to find a semblance of peace each day, and it’s often in the quiet, in the unexpected, and in the simplest things that we are given the greatest opportunity to do just that.

The Almosts

There is a place in which most accomplished-but-still-self-doubting people frequently exist. It’s a creeping place, the kind that gnaws at you and refuses to let you forget that you are not there. It’s the land of the people who are successful but aren’t quite sure how, who feel like they lucked into something they actually worked very hard for — the people who hold their breath because they think one false move will make it all go away.

I call it living in almosts.

It’s the feeling that what you’re doing, what you’ve done, who you are — everything about you is almost but not quite good enough. Almost but not quite exactly what anyone else is looking for in that moment, in that instance, in that circumstance. Whatever the goal — a job, a relationship, hell, even a strong-enough credit score to land an apartment — there is some sinking, nagging feeling that you overlooked something, that you said just one tiny thing wrong, that you didn’t do everything perfectly, and so because of that one small, hairline fracture, everything else will come tumbling down.

So you overanalyze. You microanalyze. You lay awake at night, trying to find the flaw, picking yourself and your attributes over, even though you know by now that there is nothing else to glean. There is no more. What you did is what you did, and what will happen, happens. You say this like a mantra. Que sera, sera. What is out of your control will happen whether or not you worry yourself to death over it.

Still, though, there is that fear.

I have always struggled with the concept of almost, but not quite. I think I fear it more than I do abject failure, honestly, because in that small space of the “what could have been,” there is an infinite amount of questioning. If you fail outright, if you are told no, if you cannot pass go and cannot collect $200, you know that is it. It’s done. That’s all there ever could have been, and it’s that much sooner that you can lick your wounds, eat your pint (or three) of Ben & Jerry’s, turn around and find another path. You can learn from your mistakes that much faster. But when it is an almost — when you are strung along and think that maybe this (whatever this is) could really be it, The One, the moment at which you finally achieve your dream, only to find out that no, now is not your time yet — it feels almost like a waste. Like you could have tried harder. Like you should have said something differently. Like you were so very close to having everything, if it weren’t for something you did to sabotage yourself somewhere along the line.

But the fact of the matter is, almost does not shift the blame onto you. Almost means you’re actually on the right path — there just might be a little more work to do. Almost is an arrow in the right direction, if you can find it. And you always can. Sometimes it just takes a step back from the gleaning, the obsession, the manic fixation. Sometimes you just have to let things be.

Because sometimes, it simply isn’t your time yet.

I know that’s a trite aphorism, and so much of life is equal parts timing and equal parts working very, very hard, but how much of each can you rely on? Simply, then, you work very, very hard, and then when timing is ready for you, it will let you know. But that feels like you’re leaving a lot up to chance. Which, honestly, you kind of are. But that’s how the world works sometimes. Not everything is meant to be in our control.

First, though, you have to believe you’re good enough as it is. Or you have to tell yourself, even if you don’t believe it yet. Because if you don’t, who else will?

And even if you’re not — if you’re not yet, you have to tell yourself, because eventually, you will be, in some capacity for some role or someone or some dream — then that’s fine. After all, nobody’s perfect. And getting everything right on every first try is never the case.

So fail, and fail a lot.

Fail spectacularly. Fail the most anyone has ever failed before. Get so close to something and let it slip out of your grasp by millimeters, because at least that means you reached as far as you possibly could — and maybe next time, you’ll be able to stretch a little further.

Maybe next time.

That little maybe is called hope.

And hope is what helps turn the almosts into reality.

Some things are more important than being “cool”

Let’s face it, guys.

I’m probably the coolest uncool person in the history of ever. The fact that I just used the phrase “history of ever” only exemplifies that point. Over the years I have come to accept and love my weirdness, my uniqueness, my utter lack of anything and everything cool, however I didn’t always feel that way. I don’t know about you, but my middle and high school years were chock-full of awkward. There was also this sense of pressure to fit in, to be accepted, to feel included.  I spent so much time and energy trying to fit into this ideal, this image of what I was supposed to be in order to be “cool.”

It.was.exhausting.

Not only that, but I slowly lost who I really was. I listened to the ‘it’ music–because that’s what everyone was listening to, I wore the ‘in’ clothes–because you wouldn’t dare come to school dressed in anything but, and I laughed at all the wrong jokes.

It’s not unusual to feel pressure to conform to what society (or your peers) deems “cool.”A construct developed out of the sheer need/want to fit in, to feel like they are a part of something, included and liked. And don’t think that just because the hallways of high school are long behind us that this need to fit in suddenly disappears. Everyday we are constantly bombarded with messages, telling us what we should wear, how we should eat, the cars we should drive, even the kinds of toilet paper we should use.

This noise can be overwhelming, and it can be hard to ignore sometimes for sure, but I think that one of the coolest things you can do, the epitome of cool, is being who you are, listening to your own voice and rocking your uniqueness, your weirdness. Life is way too short to not be who you are, to hide your passions, your talents, your true you.

Here are just some of the things that are more important than being “cool”:

1. Falling head-over-heels, collision-with-the-ground in love with someone.

2. Being vulnerable, even if it’s terrifying and makes your stomach do somersaults.

3. Choosing that bag of **Doritos over that bag of kale chips. **When deciding between kale chips and literally anything else, choose anything else. Always.

4. Busting a move and ugly dancing in the middle of the room, even when no one else is.

5. Choosing to stay in on a Friday/Saturday night to read your favorite book instead. Again.

6. Wearing that 80’s hair band t-shirt because you actually like the band, not just because it’s ironic.

7. Cheering for that baseball/football/hockey/basketball team because you actually like them, not just because everyone else is/does.

8. Volunteering your time to something bigger than you.

9. Apologizing to people you have hurt.

10. Forgiving those who have hurt you.

11. Having a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie marathon.

12. Adopting a ‘Don’t Give A Flying Fuck About What Anyone Else Thinks About You’ mentality.

13. Giving every single ‘Flying Fuck’ known to mankind.

14. Learning all the words to Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

15. Disconnecting from the interwebs/smart phones/social media every so often.

16. Wearing what makes you happy, comfortable, and confident.

17. Attempting to understand the perspectives of people whose values, beliefs and opinions are different than yours.

18. Respecting the values, beliefs and opinions that are different than yours, but not being afraid to standup for what you believe in.

19. Dad jokes. Just all of the dad jokes.

20. Puns. Just all of the puns.

21. Going on an adventure with no real plan.

22. Trusting again after losing faith in someone or something.

23. Going to a movie theater by yourself.

24. Going to dinner by yourself.

25. Approaching life with a sense of humor.

26. And a sense of wonder, excitement, and hope.

27. Liking stereotypically “cool” things.

28. Liking stereotypically “uncool” things.

29. Liking whatever the hell makes you happy.

30. Being unapologetically yourself.

I may be the coolest uncool person in the history of ever, but you know what?

That’s pretty damn cool.

I think it was my favorite doctor who said it best:

Images via, via

Healthy is the new skinny

Hey guys! I hope you all are having a great hump day so far!

Today I thought I would talk to you all about something near and dear to my heart: Self-love and healthy body image. It’s something that has been on my mind a lot the last couple of days. This past week, I was at my bae Target picking up a few groceries (I went in for milk, just milk mind you, and left with a pair of pants, a sweater, a package or Oreos and some Cinnamon Toast Crunch. But forgot the milk. Every. Time.) when I ran into a mother and daughter who were also doing some shopping. As I was perusing the clearance rack, I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation that this mother was having with her young daughter. On numerous occasions, the girl would pick out a super cute top or a pair of pants, asking for her mother’s opinion on how it would look or if she should get it, and numerous times the mother would reply with remarks that truly made my heart sink.

“Are you sure you want this shirt, honey? It’s really not all that flattering on you.”

“You might want to hold off on those skinny jeans until you lose those last few pounds.”

Um, excuse me. WHAT?!

First of all, this young girl was absolutely beautiful! She had a smile that could light up a room and a sparkle in her eye that was undeniable. Secondly, no one should ever, EVER talk to another person like this, especially a mother to her own daughter! EVER! As a parent, as a human being, we should strive to bring each other up, to build our confidence and teach self-love and respect. That we are more than the number on a scale, the size of a pair of pants or the shape of our bodies. I really wish I would have had the courage to say something to this lady, to tell her the damage that she could potentially be doing to her amazing daughter, but in that moment, I was too shocked to really formulate a complete thought.

Body image issues have been prevalent in our culture for a very long time, but I think it has gotten a lot worse within the last few years, especially with young girls and women. Everywhere we look–whether it be in magazines, on television, in the movies or even opinions from mother’s who are uneducated, insensitive and naïve– there is this ideal, this crazy, unobtainable and unhealthy ideal that is continuously getting shoved in our faces. The terrible thing is this “ideal” is perpetuated as something we all should strive to obtain if we want to be successful, loved, happy.

Young girls see these images and hear these messages. Some stand up for who they are, not giving in to this warped mindset of what beauty is, but sadly, a lot of girls and women (and even men) fail to recognize how truly amazing they really are. They start picking apart the color of their hair, the freckles on their face or the size of their waistbands.  They begin to work out hours everyday, restrict what they eat and begin this dangerous comparison trap, asking themselves if they are or will ever be good enough. As someone who has struggled with my self confidence and body, I know that finding a healthy balance and learning to really love, respect and accept myself for the amazing and kiss-ass young woman that I am was and still is not an easy process. It’s something that I have to continually work on, reminding myself of all the things I love about myself instead of focusing on the things I don’t.

I have been following Katie H. Wilcox now for a while and am continually amazed and inspired by her messages of self-acceptance, positive body image and health. She is the founder of Healthy is the New Skinny, a campaign  that is challenging not only how the media portrays beauty, but also our own motives and mindset. This campaign actively reaches out to high schools across the country through their PUP program (Perfectly Unperfected Project), challenging the way our culture views beauty and building self-esteem and self-confidence in these young and impressionable girls. I want to give miss Wilcox a giant bear hug for the work she has done, and continues to do, raising awareness about how skewed our cultural ideals are and sending messages of how important it is to be kind to yourself, be proud of who you are and to love every inch of who you have grown to be.

This is how we feel about this latest Victoria’s Secret campaign.

Sure, there are some days when I look in the mirror and do not think, “I woke up like this.” There are days where my hair decides to have an attitude of its own, days where I feel fat and bloated, days where I just am not feeling good about myself. But you know what, it’s days like these that I have to think the exact opposite! We are all beautiful, strong and have so much to give this world, give to each other, and more importantly, to our selves.

It’s high time we, you and I and that dude sitting across the hall from you with the very nice green tie eating a chalupa, we have to start throwing some serious shade to all of these ridiculous ideals of perfection and beauty, and start making our own!

We should “wake up like this” every damn day.

And to that mother at Target, I would just like to say to you that your daughter is beautiful. She is strong, unique and perfectly imperfect. I hope she bought that pair of skinny jeans and super cute top because she would’ve rocked them out!

If you want to become involved with the Healthy is the New Skinny campaign, get more information here! And be sure to follow Katie on her Instagram and blog!

Images via, via, via

Woman Crush Wednesday

My #WCW goes out to a pretty cool gal.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t think that she was all that pretty at first, but she’s one that’s grown on me.

She’s imperfectly perfect and I think that’s what I like so much about her.

She has a way of making people, including herself, belly laugh,

and she’s never afraid of looking dumb for the sake of humor.

She used to be fantastic at getting worried and stressed out over the littlest of things, but she’s mellowed out with age.

When I think of her,

she’s not just a number on a scale,

or a size on a pair of jeans.

She’s sarcastic and witty and charmingly weird.

She’s a lover and a fighter [it just depends on the topic *cough Milwaukee Brewers cough.*]

She’s somebody who tries to make everybody feel like a somebody.

She changes  her mind [often.]

She forgives, but she doesn’t necessarily forget.

She loves love.

She’s not cool by any means, and that suits her.

She makes mistakes. She forgets to call you back. And she sometimes acts first and thinks second.

But she owns it.

She also loves fiercely and loyally.

She’s naturally nervous, a lover of high-fives and bad puns, and is unapologetically herself.

She’s worked very hard to be exactly who she is,

which is why she deserves to be my woman crush every Wednesday day.

She’s me.