My Awesomely Random Life (and Everything in Between)

Posts tagged ‘dreams’

Life’s Little Awesomes: NOT playing the lottery and NOT having your numbers come up

Powerball JackpotI don’t play the lottery very often, but when I do, I’m pretty sure I’m going to win. I take great pains to ensure that all of my family members’ birthdays, my favorite Brewer’s player numbers, and the combination to my sixth grade locker are evenly  covered as I carefully color in the bubbles and then hand my sheet to the convenience store cashier.

Driving home with the lucky ticket in my pocket, jamming to One Direction, my mind wanders off and begins wrestling with difficult questions that I assume plague the rich daily. Pool or tennis court? Private jet or yacht? Tall, snooty butler with a thin mustache or fat, clumsy butler with a heart of gold?

Then I think about what charities I would want to donate some of my earnings to, how much I would want to give to places like my church, animal shelters, disaster relief, and research for diseases like cancer and alzheimers. And then of course I have to decide whether I’d donate massive chunks of my nearly acquired riches to people who’ve done small, simple things for me when I was down on my luck. You know, a couple million dollar tip to that guy from Subway who threw in a free cookie to top off my $5 foot long meal, or a new mansion for the mailman who always greets me with a warm hello and a smile every time she delivers my mail. And of course I can’t forget my family. And my friends. And my dog (I can finally buy him the 14K gold bone he has always wanted!!) money-bin

I toy with the idea of stashing my cash in a vault and swimming in it like Scrooge McDuck, traveling the world by rickshaw, or possibly buying the Internet.

My mind entertains these wild dreams because being a dreamer is great. It’s down right awesome, in fact. Without dreams, life would be pretty boring. Driving home from that convenience store, that lucky ticket still burning in my pocket, One Direction still singing sweet nothings into my ear (Oooooh. New dream. Pay for OD to stand in as my alarm clock every morning. There’s nothing like greeting the new day with a little Story of My Life action…LIVE!), I let these crazy thoughts fly free.

Yes, this little jack pot fantasy continues right up until the numbers are announced.

And I don’t win.

Nope. Not even one number right.

I’m not even close.

I shouldn’t have played.

I’m a total idiot.

I am a total idiot who just threw five bucks away for no reason. I could’ve gotten my favorite cold cut foot-long (and possibly free cookie) instead!

But I guess that’s why it’s so great when I don’t play, and I check my numbers, and sure enough, they didn’t come up. Now who’s laughing?

Me, the five bucks richer gal, that’s who.

AWESOME!

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Writer’s Block Party

Hey guys!

I hope you all had a wonderful and relaxing Sunday. My day was overall pretty fantabulous, if I do say so myself. I spent about five, count ’em FIVE hours working on my new venture. I have recently been inspired to check off #5 on that good ‘ol bucket list of mine. So much so in fact that I haven’t stopped working on this little diddy since I started late Friday night. I am obsessed. But totally in a good way.

What is this new venture, this new obsession that I speak of, you ask? Well….I am excited to announce that I have begun to write a book. That’s write, I mean right…sorry. I just had to throw in a bit of punny writing humor there 😉

I am soooo incredibly excited and have never been so enthralled in anything like this before. I mean, there was that one time when I was six and couldn’t tear myself away from my Littlest Pet Shop–Do you all remember those things? How cute and fun were they?! Needless to say, I was hooked. I have indeed had my bouts of where I would become totally smitten with things, spending oodles of time doing or listening to (I also should mention that time in middle school…and college…where all I would and could listen to was Hanson jams on repeat–but can you blame me? They pretty much are still the bees knees, for surely!) or playing with, only to finally move on to something else that spurred my fancy.

Writing is the one thing that I have never traded in; it has been that one thing that has never gone out of style in my book (sorry, I just had to throw in another one. In my opinion, you can never have too many puns, much to my best friend Chris’ dismay–I did that just for you, buddy). I have always been passionate about the written word, putting my thoughts and beliefs, my observations and feelings into words. Speaking is great, but I have always for some reason been able to express myself better through paper and pen, keyboard and computer.

You all know my slight addiction to all things books and I always, deep-down, deep-deep down, dreamed of one day having my very own creation on the shelves of a library or local Barnes N’ Nobles, one that someone would pick up on a whim but would end up reading in one sitting, too enthralled and involved in to stop. I am just slightly exaggerating on how good it might be. Goodness, I will be lucky if anyone besides my mom and dad will read it, and I say they will read it because, well, I will make them, whether they like it or not. Writing a book and having it get published would be amazing, a dream come true, but even if it never leaves the floppy disc of my HP,  if no body reads it, I still am going to do it.  Writing is and has always been something I did for myself, a way to release my thoughts and express what I couldn’t say, what I was most often than not, brave enough to say.

This blog has been an amazing tool for me to exercise my writing noggin and has given me a voice that I might not have otherwise found; I am so very grateful and happy that you all have stuck with me through it all (I know I can tend to get a little long-winded at times and might not make a lot of sense–sometimes I just get so gosh darn excited about what I am writing about that it all comes out in a muddled mush of words and sentences). In fact, a big reason why I decided to finally do this thang, to finally take a chance and to put myself out there, scary as it might be, was because of all of you. I never really thought of myself as a stellar writer, more just as someone who enjoyed doing it and who at times, did some pretty alright work. I didn’t think I was any better than anyone else out there who writes, and I still don’t. I do however believe now that maybe I do have a certain gift, a gift of word and insight. Maybe this thing is more that what I had thought. You don’t know how much all of your sweet and oh so kind comments have meant to me. I never before now have given myself any real credit, but you all have shown me that maybe this is a gift that the big guy upstairs has given me. The least I can do is use it, right?

So that’s what I am a doin’. I am going to write this book. I am going to write and write and write until I can write no mo. Not only has this experience been so much fun and relaxing so far,  but it has also been very healing. You see, I am writing an inspirational book about my recovery. But in true Wendi fashion, of course it is going to have a sort of humorous take on the whole thing. You know me–I have a hard time not turning something negative into something positive –and that is what this eating disorder has been, really. In all of the clouds and darkness, through all of the pain and struggle that is has caused me, I have grown to be a stronger and better person because of it. If I can get through this and come out the other side with a smile and skip to my step, than nothing can stop me from reaching my goals and dreams–and that goes for everyone out there reading this!

I have to admit, pouring out my heart, my deepest feelings and emotions, my experiences both good and bad, is kind of scary. It’s a lot like that dream you have when you are at school and realize you are completely and utterly buck naked, sporting your birthday suit for all to see. Being so open and honest like that is in a sense, being naked, vulnerable. But if my story can in any way shed light on what this disease is, how it is incredibly hard to beat but NOT impossible. In fact, I know from the tippy top of my head to the bottom of my uber larger feet (and you know what they say about girls with big feet–yeah, I don’t either) that it is possible. If I can help someone out there like me who is going through the same thing I am and is wondering if there is any hope, any hope at all to get better and break free of ED’s viler than the Wicked Witch of the West’s hands, than writing this book, overcoming any fear or trepidation that I have or will face, will be absotively-posatutely 110% worth it. Helping to heal others is a huge reason why I have decided to write this book, but healing myself is numero uno. Never did I think that writing a book, going back and reliving my past, the good and bad, collecting the pieces of the puzzle would be so eye-opening and incredibly encouraging.  I know now more than ever, how much ED has taken from me, how much I have lost and how much I have sacrificed. I also know how much I have to gain, how much I have to live for and how strong I am for coming so far.

As R.D Cumming once said, “A good book has no ending. A great book allows you to make your own ending.”

Both in my recovery and in my book, I am choosing to be great. I am choosing to write my own ending. And I can’t wait to see what that is. But whatever it turns out to be, I know it will be amazing!

Have a great night my dears and an even better tomorrow.

Remember. You have got the power to write your own ending. So write!

 

New BegENDings: Mission 2012

Happy happy New Year everybody!

I don’t know about you, but my 2011 was a rollercoaster of a year, full of highs and lows, twists, turns and even a few loop-d-loops every once and again.

Some of the highs:

  • I started my very first ‘big girl’ job!
  • I made the big move to one of the greatest cities in the world, Milwaukee.
  • I got my very first apartment.
  • The Packers won the Superbowl AND my Brewers had an amazing season, almost making it to the World Series!
  • I became a hybrid version of Martha Stewart and Bob Vila, cooking, crafting, fixing my own toilet and changing my own oil.
  • I stared this blog and found out how passionate I am about writing.
  • I discovered finally what it is I want to do with my life and took the plunge to make that dream a reality.

Some of the lows:

  • I was fired from my very first ‘big girl’ job.
  • I made the big move back down to Georgia (temporarily… just until I start school in the fall).
  • I am living in my parents old house. It is huge. And a bear to keep clean. And is quite echo-y at times with just me and my pup Thunder living there.
  • My Brewers suffered a big blow, losing Prince Fielder (to the Cubbies most likely) and almost losing Braun for the first fifty games next season due to a steroid issue–come to find out, he was taking medication for a slight case of the Herp…oy vay.

Yes, this past year was a doozy. It was great at times and it was not so great at times. I guess that’s how life is though, full of surprises and experiences, both good and bad. God gives us challenges and throws us curve balls so that we can become stronger and wiser. He also does this (much to our dismay at times) so that we can truly appreciate what we have, the moments that make us laugh and smile and remember why our lives are such a gift and a blessing. I think that is one of the reasons I like reflecting on the past year; it puts into perspective where I was, where I am going and how far I have come and will go in the year to come.

Now that 2012 is upon us, many people take this time to make or set resolutions for themselves in the year to come. I never was real big on resolutions; the reason being: I somehow always manage to start strong in the beginning of the year (or at least for the first few weeks or so) and then slowly but surely lose motivation and end up breaking or not quite reaching the resolutions that I made which just makes me feel bad for not following through. It is quite the ordeal. While making resolutions is, in theory, a great idea, for me, it just never really works. That is why this year for the first time, I am starting what I am deeming: Mission 2012 (and sorry Tom Cruise, this mission is one I intend to accept and prove possible. I will leave all those other impossible ones to you and your skyscraper-scaling ways).

I think that if I set goals for myself, reachable and totally attainable goals, goals that I will continue all year round (starting right now, this first day of January), I will be more likely to reach them and not break into the temptation of slacking off mid-way through. So here we go, my Mission 2012 as follows:

Goal 1: Healthy, Happy and Whole

The biggest goals of this Mission 2012 is to finally get to a healthy, happy and whole place in my life. While most people are making resolutions to lose those extra fifteen pounds they collected over the past year, I am doing the exact opposite. I want more than anything to gain those extra fifteen pounds (plus a few extra if possible). I want to once again be that girl who had serious pipes and strong, runner’s legs. I want to have an actual woman’s body instead of the slightly boyish figure I now am sporting (Target isn’t selling J.Lo’s booty by any chance, are they?). I want to be able to chow down on that burger, fries and vanilla milkshake and NOT feel an ounce bad for doing it. I want to be able to spend a lazy day doing absolutely nothing and not feel guilty for not going for a run or swim. I want to be able to look into the mirror and say, “Yeah. I am pretty darn beautiful. I am strong and confident and I will kick your butt at a game of HORSE.” This is probably going to be THE hardest challenge I will ever have to face, but it is one that is worth every struggle or tear or frustration. It is one that is long overdue and that I deserve. I am SO ready to feel good on the inside as well as on the outside and it starts NOW!

Goal 2: Do something spontaneous, at least once a week.

I have always been a planner. It’s what I do. I like to know what is going to happen, where and when it is going to do so. I am not much for surprises and prefer to be in control of things. Sometimes this can be a good thing, but other times, not so much. This is why I am going to attempt to slowly break down the walls of my pocket planner. I want to be able to take life as it comes, to not be so consumed with what is happening tomorrow that I forget to miss out on today.

Goal 3: Learn to love myself

I know it sounds cheesy, but one of my biggest goals for this year is to be kinder to myself. I once was a really confident gal; a star-athlete, an academic scholar, a top-notch working professional. After this past year, my ego suffered a bit. I am not going to lie; without playing a sport or going to school or excelling at a job, I kind of became a little self-conscious. Of course I was still the same person–nothing could or will change who I am–I just didn’t feel like I was doing anything with my life to be proud of. Well that all changes TODAY! From now on, as silly as it may sound, I am going to wake up each day, look at myself in the mirror, and say at least one good thing about myself. I am a funny, kind, intelligent, giving, creative, and thoughtful person gosh darn it and should be proud of who I am, no matter if I am the track star (or not), getting a 4.0 GPA (or not), or receiving ‘Employee of the Month’ (or not). This one is going to be hard but it’s one I can and will do. Plus, I already have my quota for the next six days to get started 🙂

Goal 4: Go after what I want

This is the year I stop waiting and like Nike says, JUST DO IT. For so long, I have not gone after things in my life due to fear or apprehension. Because I didn’t want to be rejected or hurt, I avoided any possible attempt at following a dream or wish I had to instead stay in the ‘known’ and safe areas of my life. I have followed what I thought was the right path for me. I was too afraid to choose a different direction and go on an unwalked street because I am sometimes afraid of change. But who is to say what path I should take or if there is just one path? Change is a good thing sometimes, isn’t it? Starting today, I am going to try to take everything that I am afraid of doing and do them anyway, in spite of the fact. That life-long dream of one day working in a library or in a museum as an archivist surrounded by millions and millions of my beloved books–I am going to get my Master’s Degree in Library Science and finally DO IT. That one guy who I compare all other guys to, who I can’t get out of my head, my best friend, the one has my heart but doesn’t know it–I am going to DO IT and finally tell him how I feel. That short-story writing contest that I have thought about entering but never got around to it–I am going to DO IT and submit my latest story (or two). It is time that I stop fearing and start DOING! I am Wendi, hear me roar!

Goal 5: Become a team-player

One of the things I am most looking forward to doing this year is once again becoming part of a team…sports team that is. I can’t tell you how much I miss getting down and dirty in weekly softball games, showing off my mad David Beckhamm-like skills on the soccer field or just having a ball (pun intended) playing a little kickball with friends. I miss the games, I miss the action and competitiveness, and I miss the commadery. Not only will it be a fun way to be active, but it is a great way to meet people. Sign me up, coach!

 

Goal 6: Less Facebook, more Facetime

Facebook is great, it really is but there is something to be said about actually spending time with friends and family, face to face instead of through the screen of your Mac Book Pro. I miss grabbing a coffee with a pal and catching up on each other’s week or going for a walk  or catching a matinée with my sister, laughing hysterically over Will Ferrel’s latest hijinks. I vow to try to spend more time with my actual friends and family this year than my virtual ones. Sorry Mark Zuckerburg, but this chica’s stock in Facebook is going down.

Goal 6: Smile and laugh everyday

‘Nough said on this one 🙂

These goals are not all going to be easy to accomplish but they are not impossible. They are in fact, very attainable and completely doable. They are also goals that I have been trying to reach for quite some time now, not just within the past year. Mission 2012 is all about finally getting to the point in my life, one minute, one hour, one day at a time, where I can be the best person I can be. I can be the happiest and healthiest and butt-kickenest version of myself. 2012 is the year I reclaim my life and start LIVING!

I am not going to say it’s going to be a walk in the park. And I will most likely hit a road-block or two in this mission (hey, even Tom Cruise gets taken captive or has bombs to deactivate every once and again), but I will complete it. I may need your help along the way (in fact I know I will), but I will complete it.

I hope everyone had a great New Years today, but more importantly, that your year, all 365 days, are spent with the same gusto and positive oomph that you had going into 2012. Mission 2012…make it amazing!

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