My Awesomely Random Life (and Everything in Between)

Posts tagged ‘NetFlix’

Thou Shalt Netflix and Chill

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Ahhh Netflix, how I adore thee.

Confession: I’ve had Netflix for over three years now and have technically never paid for it. That’s right. All those late night Parks and Rec marathons and House of Cards binge-fests have provided me hours and hours and hours (AND HOURS) of free entertainment. Well, almost free. I’m not factoring in the boxes and boxes and boxes (AND BOXES) of pizza bought and consumed while doing said marathon and binge-festage.

For those of you who have been living under a rock don’t have Netflix and don’t know much about it, it’s a streaming video service that you pay for monthly. Annnnnnd it’s kind of awesome. Every person who signs up gets 5 free accounts that they can share with whoever they’d like: their SO, their mom, their overbearing and over weight cat, and of course, their bestest older sister in the history of ever. These people are #winning at life because they get all the benefits of the ‘Flix without having to pay for it.

Enter in: Me.

*Thank you, sista!

There are no formal rules for the sharing and borrowing of Netflix, however I definitely feel that there is an unwritten code, commandments if you will, of things that should be followed and understood.

I present to you: My 10 Commandments of Borrowing Someone Else’s Netflix Account.

  1. If you ask to borrow someone else’s Netflix account and they don’t text back with a reply for over an hour, take that as a “no.” They probably didn’t want to feel bad for having to actually reject you, so take that digital silence as denial. Don’t double down the potential awkwardness by asking again. No Scotty, no.
  2. If you’re borrowing Netflix, don’t tell anyone else who lent you their account. If Person 1 shares their bag of Red-only Starbursts with you and Person 2 later asks where you got the Red-only Starbursts, you don’t tell them Person 1 gave them to you! You simply say they were yours but your don’t have anymore/can’t share, ya ninny.
  3. If you’re dating the person you borrow from, and the two of you breakup, you have approximately 24 hours to get your own Netflix account before the password changes. But not for giving back all of their sweatshirts/CDs/books they left at your place. Those are fare gamesies. Do not pass GO, do not collect $100. Do not get your ratty but super comfy AC/DC t-shirt back.
  4. Please refrain from streaming any Tyler Perry movies, as watching even one of them causes Netflix to relentlessly, aggressively recommend every last Madea movie they have in their database. And there is a lot. Just so much Madea.
  5. Don’t explore the weird part of Netflix. Watch Human Centipede on your own time, on your own movie streaming accounts.
  6. Giving out the login info to anyone else gets you a lifetime ban. No parole.
  7. Any embarrassing guilty pleasure shows and movies you see the account owner watching in his/her “Recently Watched” section must remain unspoken of and confidential. It goes in the vault. THE VAULT!
  8. If, in the future, you acquire access to an HBO GO account, you must immediately offer to share it with the person who formerly lent you their Netflix as a courtesy. You went from rags to riches biotch! Don’t forget who got you there—it’s the right thing to do.
  9. Don’t add your own “Profile” to the account. That’s like asking to spend the night at a friend’s place, and hanging pictures of yourself all over the wall.
  10. If you’re seen out, spending more than $7.99, that means you can afford your own account, therefor you’re cut off. Immediately.

Wait.

Crap!

This post stays in the vault. THE VAULT!

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Netflix and Chill, Or……

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Hey ladies and gents! It’s FRIDAYYYYYY which means a couple of things: donuts in the office breakroom, a pregnant bank account (hey payday, hey!) and that the next 52-ish hours are yours for the taking. The weekend is right around the corner friends, and you can spend it however your heart damn well desires. For me, that usually includes some QT with my bestest pals, brunch, hiking/biking/runs in the park, some QT with a good book, a spontaneous road trip to a quaint Colorado town, some QT with a pizza the size of my face, and of course, Netflix.

Oh Netflix. How I love you. But kind of hate you at the same time. I promise that I will only watch one, maybe three episodes tops. Six hours (and a pizza the size of my face) later, I’m still sitting there asking myself if Buffy will ever get together with Angel (I know I am like, 15 years late to the game here so please, no spoilers. BUT DO THEY GET TOGETHER OR NOT?!?!).

Instead of timesucking these precious 52-ish hours away, I’m taking a vow this weekend to nix the ‘Flix. And you should too! Here are just a few things that we all could do this weekend that will leave feeling happier and more relaxed come that dreaded Monday morning.

  1. Clean out your damn closet. Like, hardcore purge. Resist the urge to come up with bizarre situations in which you will need that one top you haven’t touched in three years, and just toss it instead. Be ruthless. You’ll realize you just wear the same ten things anyways.
  2. When you’re finished cleaning out your closet, make a stop at Plato’s Closet or your nearest Goodwill and donate the rest. You’ll feel super dupes great about giving your clothes away to people who could really use them, and you’ll also get a solid $8 back from Plato’s when you hand them over those fifteen skirts from American Eagle you wore in middle school.
  3. Get a massage. Confession: I’ve never had a massage, partly because you’re basically half-naked on a table, and mostly because I have this weird fear of man-handed Viking women karate-chopping my back to oblivion. But there’s no time like the weekend to get over ridiculous irrational fears, right?! Schedule your appointment for Saturday morning. It’ll force you to not drink on Friday night. Because puking onto the floor through that face hole thingy on the massage table is kind of frowned upon in spas.
  4. Go to one of the local community events in your area. One of the best things I love about living in Denver is that there is ALWAYS something going on, particularly in the late summertime. Outdoor movies, food festivals, Shakespeare in the park, it runs the gamut. The best part? Most of these activities are free. Music to my cheap ass ears. Not sure what’s going on in our area? Just Google it. Chances are you’ll find something awesome!
  5. Get some creative writing done. You can finally crack open that moleskin notebook you bought six months ago when you were going through that whole creativity phase.
  6. Check out the museum. Any museum–a history museum, a nature museum, an art museum, whatever. They’re pretty much always free. Bonus points: you can feel really smart when people ask you what you did over the weekend.
  7. Have your friends over for a game night. Everyone will be secretly excited, trust me. Don’t be afraid to bring out the adult beverages of your choice because let’s face it, Monopoly is boring without wine. Buy a block of cheese, cut it into squares and put it on a plate with some crackers. Your friends will think you’re not doing too shabby at this whole adulting thing.
  8. Try out the Rosetta Stone program you bought three years ago. Maybe you’ll only get through half of one lesson. But still, you opened the program! That’s a start. Congratulations. Bonjour.
  9. Get your Spotify playlists together. Because let’s face it; they’re total shit right now.
  10. Make kale chips as a light, healthy alternative snack. And when they don’t satisfy your craving, eat everything else in your house, including the kitchen sink sponge.
  11. Build a fort with your significant other. It’ll be sweet. And probably really comfortable. Instagram it or it doesn’t count.
  12. Put on cute workout clothes. And then walk to Chipotle.
  13. Wash your bedsheets. It’s been an inappropriately long time.
  14. Go to a pet shelter. Even if you don’t plan on adopting an animal, it’s a good idea to do the research now in case you want to get a dog in the future. (I’m projecting here.)
  15. Speaking of animals, go to the zoo. Most zoos are free. Plus, it’ll reconnect you with your Lion King-obsessed past and will make you feel less guilty about never going outside.
  16. Visit a used bookstore. They have plenty of relatively recent stuff, and the prices are fantastic. The perfect excuse to buy just all of the books. *The fact that it’s a day ending in ‘y’ makes it a good enough reason to buy just all of the books in my, well, book.
  17. Call your mom. She hasn’t heard from you in three days and wants to make sure that you washed your bedsheets.

The Struggles of Binge-Watching a Show For the First Time that Literally EVERYONE Has Already Seen

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So there’s this little show called Breaking Bad, some of you may have heard of it. It didn’t get much attention, didn’t win any of those fancy shmancy awards, and there are most definitely NOT any pop culture references to any of the characters.

I’m totally kidding of course. BB was probably one of this generation’s most iconic television shows. It ran for a solid 5 seasons on AMC, and tells the story of Walter White, a high school chemistry teacher who learns he has terminal and inoperable lung cancer. After hearing his diagnosis, he teams up with one of his former students, Jessie Pinkman to start securing his family financially for when the time comes that he’ll no longer be there for them. Walter and Jessie decide to do what anyone does when looking to raise a little money: open a very profitable and lucrative lemonade stand.

And by lemonade stand I mean they began to criminally produce and sell meth. Hard core.

So there’s that.

Despite it’s nitty-grittiness, raw vulnerability and somewhat dark subject matter, BB became one of America’s most watched and talked about shows. Actually, it was probably because of these reasons that it did so.

BB aired it’s last episode on September 29, 2013…

…annnnnnnddd I just started watching it a few weeks ago.

I know. I know. I’m a bit [fashionably] late to the BB bandwagon, but when it was on TV, I never really took an interest in the show. In all honesty, I had watched the first episode and decided I wasn’t so much of a fan. I didn’t like how dark it was. And was it just me or did seeing Malcolm in the Middle’s dad as a cancer-stricken drug dealer just weird the beans out of you? After some thought (and serious boredom), I decided to give it another go. What I found was that BB was kind of like a good wine; it only got better with time.  I just finished the series a few days ago and am heart broken. Not just because the show is over and I can no longer look forward to enjoying a pizza and glass (or two) of wine with Walter, Jesse, Skyler, and Saul every night, but when I try to talk about my utter heart brokenness with my friends, they look at me like I have three heads.

In their defense, they’ve all had a good two years to get over it. They’ve gotten through all seven stages of the grieving process, they’ve come to accept that BB is over, done, kaput. But for me, the pain is still very real. Just one of the struggles of binge-watching a show for the first time when literally everyone and their second cousin twice removed on their mom’s side has already seen it.

Here are 13 more reasons why this can be just all of the worst:

1. No one wants to talk about the show. No one. But that’s literally all you want to do in life right now.

2. Spoilers. Spoilers, spoilers everywhere. They weren’t a huge problem before you started watching the show, but now that you know the characters’ names, everything is a spoiler. Everything. *Cries in a heap as far away from the interwebs as possible.

3. You’re terrified to even mention that you’re watching the show to other people for fear that they will pull the ‘ol, “OMG have you gotten to the part where____happens?!”” Ear muffs.

4. Or, you’ll get that well-meaning person who just can’t help but accidentally spoil it when they say, “OMG I was sooooo sad when____ died! I cried for days.” Bullet-proof ear muffs.

5. And then of course you get the fun experience of assuming that anytime something minorly not-so-great happens to one of your favorite characters, that’s the moment that they’re going to kick the bucket. Oh, they missed the bus? This must be it. They decide to walk home and get run over by a moose. Cool.

6. If the show you’re currently binging on is well past its expiration date, people will look at you like you’re crazy for just watching/finishing it. I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to PLEASE TALK ABOUT THAT BREAKING BAD ENDING THOUGH!!

7. When someone asks you what your favorite show is, you may feel a little weird saying Seinfeld, considering it went off the air 17 years ago. But to be fair, Seinfeld is timeless so…

8. Oh, that actor that you’re totally obsessed with? They’re now 16 years older and have three kids so your fantasies about you casually running into them at Trader Joe’s and falling madly in love in the produce section are far less likely than if you had loved them when the show was actually airing. Not impossible, just a little less impossible. I will never let go, Jonathon Taylor Thomas, I will never let go.

9. When something huge happens on the show, very few people are still interested in freaking out about the fact that Jack, Sawyer, Kate and the rest of Oceanic flight 815 WERE NOT DEAD THE WHOLE TIME?!?! Nope, scratch that. Everyone is still freaking about that Lost ending. It will always be too soon for that one. Always.

10. You’re constantly recalling old celeb gossip while watching, which makes you a tad paranoid. Hmmm, didn’t this actor go to jail at one point and have to leave the show? When did that happen? OMG are they going to be written out of the show before they get back together with____?

11. You want to recommend the show to everyone, share the brilliance, the magic, the amazingness of it all! But everyone has already seen The Sopranos. Everyone. Except you. And maybe your grandma. Nope, even she has seen it.

12. Everyone and their mother is going to claim that they once told you how great that show was ages ago. And they’re going to want you to concede full credit to them. Boogers.

12. When you know that a show was unexpectedly canceled and ended the cliff hangers to beat all cliff hangers, you have a mini crisis trying to decide if you should stop watching at the point when things are mostly wrapped up, or if you should stick it out and risk the utter torment of an unresolved ending. RIP Firefly. RIP.

13. You finally start understanding certain references that have made their way into pop culture, and you want to use them all the time. But if you throw “Legen…wait for it…dary!” into conversation, people are just going to think that you just need to move on already!

Yep. I think I need to just start watching shows in real time from now on.

There’s this little show called Mad Men that I’ve been meaning to get around to watching. Apparently it’s like, the best.

Wait. What?! MAD MEN ENDED EARLIER THIS YEAR?!?

Thoughts on a Thursday

  • Can we just talk about how much I LOVE this?!?! To all the butt and boob guys out there…
  • I recently discovered the amazingness that is NetFlix. Crap.
  • My new obsession? Scented markers. The plus side: They smell delicious. The bad side: I am now branded with red, blue, green and yellow dots on my nose. Don’t judge.
  • Is it me or does this truck have a big badunkadunk. A badunkadunky truck. Try saying that 5 times fast 😉

  • I’m in the process of putting together my “Winter Break” reading list. So far I’ve got about 23 titles including this and this and this. And before you say anything, I know, I know…I’m going to have to add more books. Those 23 will last me all of about a week to get through. #nerdgirlproblems
  • My poor baby had to go into the vet yesterday to get roto-rootered (he was a little backed up). Good news is, he now can booty pop like no other pooch I’ve ever seen. Or booty toot, in his case. thunds
  • The bug guy payed yet another visit to my ant-infested house today. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed when he walked up the front steps and didn’t resemble a member of this crew…

  • Awkward face-reddening-like-a-bright-tomato moment of the week (so far): Asking the customer service rep at the mall if they could please tell me where the S&M store was. Yup. I said S&M. The poor guy looked at me like I had three heads or something. “Um. Do you mean H&M?” he asked, his face as red nearly as red as mine. “Yeah, that would be the one.” Isn’t that horrible?! But that’s not even the worst part. This was the second time I had confused the two completely and utterly different shops. Oy vey.

Have a great rest of your Friday-eve, friends!

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