My Awesomely Random Life (and Everything in Between)

Posts tagged ‘Christmas Music’

5 Reasons Why Christmas Shoes is ALL of the Worst!

Well guys, we made it. Another week in the books.

And…we are now only 20 days away from Christmas!!!!!

Which makes it only 19 days until Christmas Eve, 18 days until Christmas Eve-Eve, 17 days until Christmas Eve-Eve-Eve…

I’m may just be the teensiest bit excited.

As much as I love the actual day of Christmas Eve/Christmas and New Year’s, the anticipation leading up to the big day(s) is even more fun. One thing that I’ve been doing lately (which I am 110% my co-workers are loving) is blasting Christmas music from my office. I get one month a year to do it and by gosh, by golly, I am going to take full advantage! Yesterday while going through my playlist of holly-jolly tunes, I came across a song that had been collecting some serious dust in my i-tunes library. I had totally forgotten it was there, but after having listened to it, I remembered why I sanctioned it to the island of misfit toys songs.

Christmas Shoes.

It really is a beautiful song, but it’s also the worst. Just all of the worst. If you’ve never heard Christmas Shoes, I will warn you and say that it makes you feel all the feels. You will also need a box or three of Kleenex by the time the song is over.

The holidays are a time for joyous celebration and reflection, filled with yuletide merriment and cheer.

But Christmas Shoes?

It’s really the Debbie Downer of songs. This is why:

E! Loves, Christmas Shoes Story

1. The Lyrics Are All of the Saddest Things Ever Written Put Into One Song: A dirty, tattered boy tries to pay for shoes with change for his dying mother, so she’ll look beautiful when she meets Jesus. It’s like someone played Mad Libs while watching a Sarah McLachlan commercial.

E! Loves, Christmas Shoes Story

2. Adult Contemporary Music Will Make You Cry All the Tears: The song is padded with soft guitar and what sounds like tiny toy instruments? Are you kidding?!

E! Loves, Christmas Shoes Story

3. A Choir of Kids Will Guilt You Into Losing It: Oh, if this “Butterfly Kisses“-wannabe lead singer dude hasn’t cracked you, there is literally a choral army of sad, innocent voices, wavering on the edge of tears, who will wear you down. Children’s choirs represent emotional extremes—hey can be used to be scary, joyous, or devastating. In this ballad their sole purpose is to crush your darn heart.

E! Loves, Christmas Shoes Story

4. The Song’s Backstory Is Internet Heartbreak: It’s been reported that the song was inspired by a sad story found on the Internet or an email chain letter that had been circulating in the late ’90s. Email chain letters are like why moms bothered learning how to use AOL. They’re scientifically proven to make you feel feelings. For some, poignancy. For others, seething rage.

E! Loves, Christmas Shoes Story

5. The Guy Makes It All About Him: “I knew that God had sent me that little boy to remind me what Christmas is all about.” After this whole emotional mess, a boy’s mother is allegedly on her deathbed, the guy who had a couple extra bucks on him makes the message about what he learned. What happens to the kid? The mom? THE SHOES?! Over it!

Bonus Clip: For my final piece of evidence, I’d like to present comedian Patton Oswalt‘s “Christmas Shoes” rant, where he breaks down the elements of this awful, awful song:

Not if you don’t mind, I am off to listen to some Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays (because what is sure to turn that frown upside down faster than some frosted-tipped, pre-teen boyband goodness?!)

Have a great weekend, everyone! 🙂

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Insta-Lately and the Polar Vortex

Hey guys! I hope you all had a fantabulous weekend!

So as most of you have probably heard (if you haven’t been hiding out under a rock), “winter is coming.”

We, as in most of the U.S., is about to or has already been hit with a massive cold front. They’re calling it the Polar Vortex (I think I went on that ride at Six Flags once) and it’s supposed to bring super cold and chilly temps along with the white, fluffy stuff to pretty much every state with the exception of South Florida, Hawaii, pockets in the southwest and Alaska (what?!?!).

If you need me, I’ll be sipping mai-tais in Anchorage.

I don’t know about you, but I am SOOOOO not ready for all of this winter business.

Like, at all.

We went from the sun-filled days of summer to the blustering, snowy ones of winter within a span of a week.

It seems as though it was fall that was hiding under that rock.

Mother Nature can be a donkey sometimes, can’t it?

The good news: After four hours at the tire shop (I guess the rest of Colorado had the same idea) and $500 later (ouch!), my car is at least ready for the snow and ice. In addition to new treads, hot chocolate season is in full effect in my house, along with warm fuzzy slippers and sugar cookie-scented candles. I’m not gonna lie; it smells like a full-on frosting factory at chez Wendi. The other good news is that the sudden chill in the air and the snow on the ground has given me permission to get Chrisma-fied! I usually try to wait until at least Turkey Day to even start thinking about my most favorite holiday in the history of ever, but I am finding it harder and harder to quell the decorations, the gifts, the cards, and yes, even the music.

Kenny G, I’m talking to you buddy!

*P.S. Carol of the Bells is my favorite Christmas song, btw. The version by Trans-Siberian Orchestra is THE BEST! It just hits you, all the way down to your toes!

**P.P.S. I’m SOOOO doing this to my apartment this year. My neighbors will LOVE it!

But before I get too ahead of myself, I wanted to share with you a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and a whole bunch of other thangs through the lense of my Instagram.

Here’s what’s been happening Insta-Lately 🙂

Before Mr. Frosty makes it’s chilly way over here, I wanted to sneak in one final hike. I still have to pinch myself at the beauty that is Colorado. I mean, breathtaking. Just breathtaking.

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No, YOU didn’t eat that cupcake off of the floor! Everyone knows there’s a 50 second rule when it comes to any type of baked good. Or chocolate. Or potato chip.

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Yesterday my Packers kicked the snot out of da Bears during Sunday night football. Best way to end the weekend in my opinion: Pizza, min-me wine bottle and a victory! #ImSoFancy

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You can check out all of my other shenanigans here on my personal Instagram account: @wjhansen87

Have a great Monday, everyone (and stay safe and warm! Unless you’re in Alaska then have a Pina Coloda for me!)

Friday Notes

1. It’s only 3 in the afternoon and already I have plowed my way through 6 Christmas albums. Although Michael Buble, Bing Crosby, Josh Groban, Kenny G and Adam Sandler have been on constant replay throughout my house this year, I would have to say my favorite go-to is Trans Siberian Orchestra. Their version of Carol of the Bells is amazing! Take a listen 🙂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vNcGlM8O3I

2. Today I got a bag of Peanut M&M’s that had no brown ones. None. I couldn’t believe it. This wouldn’t have been good news for J.Lo because as she states in one of my all time favorite chick-flicks The Wedding Planner, “I only eat the brown ones because someone once said they have less artificial coloring because chocolate’s already brown.” I on the other hand was pretty darn excited; brown are my least favorite because they remind me of rabbit turds.

3. I have come to realize I love singing in the shower, but not acapella. Wouldn’t it sound ten times more awesome if I had some music accompaniment, say a guitar, some drums, a tambourine and possibly even a triangle every time I scrub-a-dub-dubbed? But no back-up singers. A girl has got to draw the line somewhere.

4. I know that your nose is supposed to smell and your feet do all the running, but lately it’s been the other way around for me. Although thanks to my Netty pot and Vick’s Vapor Rub, this nasty cold is on its way out.

5. He’s cute AND he’s hilariously hilarious. Jimmy Fallon, will you marry me?

6. Oh my stars, that Domino’s commercial has me salivating like everyone’s favorite St. Bernard Beethoven. Thanks to Pavlov, I know why.

7. Speaking of Pavlov, I miss Psychology. And Milwaukee.

8. But I am oh so glad to be near my family for the holidays. I seem to have the worst luck when it comes to traveling (i.e. once being snowed in at a motel for two days, another time being grounded for three due to fog and of course the time the airline lost ALL of my luggage…ugh). It’ll be nice not to have to worry about that craziness this year.

9. Speaking of the holidays, I think I need a new party dress. I’m thinking something sparkly, something colorful and of course something with lots of twirl. It’s got to twirl.

10. I also think I need a new pair of footy pajamas kind of like these here:

How cute are these?!

11. I am sooooo glad it’s Friday!

Have a GREAT Friday everybody!

 

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