I hope you’ve all had a fab week so far. Mine–as indicated by the empty bottle of Moscato and trash bin full of just as empty Ben & Jerry’s pints currently residing in my disaster of a kitchen–has been, well, a tad on the stressful side, to say the least. The school where I work has just two weeks left before it closes its doors for good, which has put even more pressure for the staff and the students to figure out what their next plan is; my brain is a confuddled mess of transcripts, school records and library inventory lists.
On top of trying to make sure each an every one of my students gets hooked up with a school where they can successfully finish out their degree and graduate, I’ve been dealing with the ever fun task of trying to hook myself up with a job.
Spoiler alert: It’s not so fun.
I am currently 0-5, guys. Five great interviews, five declines, don’t pass go, don’t collect $200 emails. Each and every one of them have told me that it was a great pool of candidates, that I was their second choice, which is great! Flattering. But second choice doesn’t get you the job. I was offered a position at a public library yesterday actually, a job that while an entry-level position, also sounded pretty damn incredible. I did however have to make the difficult decision to turn it down. They were only willing to pay me half of what I’m making now, i.e. I would’ve had a job, but I also would’ve been living in my car. So there’s that.
Seriously, y’all. I feel sometimes like the only thing, the formative glue that’s holding me together right now is that massive Costco-sized jar of peanut butter (which I may or may not be eating out of with a spork as I’m typing this).
I know things are going to work out okay. I do. But right now, I’m a hot mess. Emphasis on hot because although my life is a bit out of control at the moment, my hair and eyeliner are ironically on point.
I just have to keep on keeping on, and have faith that this right now is just a blip in the bigger picture. A hiccup, a minor flesh wound.
This right now is only going to make me stronger and wiser in the future (and possibly in need of some new jeans because sooooooo much wine and ice cream and peanut butter!!!!!)
Anywhoozers, moving on to something not so Donnie Darko…..
Driving home last night, I was listening to a random podcast I found while scrolling through my i-tunes library. The topic of the show was things that didn’t make any sense, everyday things that would make you or me stop and think, “I just don’t get it.” Some of them were hilariously relateable; “Overalls”, “Braille on drive-through ATMs”, and my favorite “Fun-size candy bars.” There’s nothing fun about mini, itsy-bitsy candy. Nothing.
It did get me thinking, though. What are some of the things that I still don’t understand? I’ve been around the proverbial block and then some a few times my friends, but there are still things that make me scrunch up my nose with wonder.
Here are just a few things that I still don’t understand:
- Tipping. It’s a seemingly simple social rule, yet I still feel like I do it incorrectly. Sure the wait staff needs a tip, but what if I’m getting an order To-Go? And do restaurant staff get the same percentage as say, hairdressers? Or my auto-mechanic? So many questions, guys.
- Why we have to have it all. What if I’m perfectly happy having just some of it right now?
- Fine wines. Ahhh yes, I believe I’m getting an oaky hint of…alcohol.
- What is so wrong with knowing that you’re a tiny ball of goddamn sunshine — and saying so, and ignoring anyone who tells you otherwise.
- Cross Fit. Oh, that’s that cult where everyone jumps around and throws medicine balls at each other, right?
- Investing. Let’s see, I need some stocks, some bonds, a 401(k), and…a pool of gold coins?
- WHY DOES THE LOOKING/APPLYING/INTERVIEWING FOR A JOB PROCESS TAKE A MILLION KAJILLION YEARS??!! But for reals, guys. I’m starting to get grey hair.
- Why always wanting what you can’t have means pining over the person you always have to text first.
- Doing taxes. I know. I know! I’ve been doing my taxes for more than 10 years now and I still don’t quite fully know what I’m doing. But that’s what TurboTax is for, right?
- The whole “we’re talking” culture. Just fucking own up and go for the date.
- Why people hate on loving cheesy, popular, mainstream things. Hanson is a delightful band with some truly catchy songs, okayyyyyy?!
- People who prefer the movie to the book. But why, tho?
- When it became cool to not care. Caring is the best!
Probably the biggest thing I still yet haven’t figured out is why it feels like you have to have everything figured out by the time you’re an adult. What if you’re a little late to the game? What if you never really feel like one? What if sometimes, just sometimes, you really don’t want to? Sometimes you call eating Lucky Charms straight from the box a late breakfast…at 1 pm. Sometimes you’re a little irresponsible and impulsive and get a new tattoo just because you can. Sometimes you reach out to that one person you know you shouldn’t. But sometimes you’re still trying to figure out how to live your life — and what a life even should be, and what it really is. Sometimes we’re all just stumbling around, hoping we don’t make a mess of it.
But sometimes, making a mess of it is proof to ourselves and everyone around us that we’re actually alive.
Things may be a bit messy right now, but you know what? I’m alive!
Alive and with a giant jar of peanut butter.
What more could you ask for, really?
QOTD: What are a few things that you still quite don’t understand?