My Awesomely Random Life (and Everything in Between)

Thou Shalt Netflix and Chill

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Ahhh Netflix, how I adore thee.

Confession: I’ve had Netflix for over three years now and have technically never paid for it. That’s right. All those late night Parks and Rec marathons and House of Cards binge-fests have provided me hours and hours and hours (AND HOURS) of free entertainment. Well, almost free. I’m not factoring in the boxes and boxes and boxes (AND BOXES) of pizza bought and consumed while doing said marathon and binge-festage.

For those of you who have been living under a rock don’t have Netflix and don’t know much about it, it’s a streaming video service that you pay for monthly. Annnnnnd it’s kind of awesome. Every person who signs up gets 5 free accounts that they can share with whoever they’d like: their SO, their mom, their overbearing and over weight cat, and of course, their bestest older sister in the history of ever. These people are #winning at life because they get all the benefits of the ‘Flix without having to pay for it.

Enter in: Me.

*Thank you, sista!

There are no formal rules for the sharing and borrowing of Netflix, however I definitely feel that there is an unwritten code, commandments if you will, of things that should be followed and understood.

I present to you: My 10 Commandments of Borrowing Someone Else’s Netflix Account.

  1. If you ask to borrow someone else’s Netflix account and they don’t text back with a reply for over an hour, take that as a “no.” They probably didn’t want to feel bad for having to actually reject you, so take that digital silence as denial. Don’t double down the potential awkwardness by asking again. No Scotty, no.
  2. If you’re borrowing Netflix, don’t tell anyone else who lent you their account. If Person 1 shares their bag of Red-only Starbursts with you and Person 2 later asks where you got the Red-only Starbursts, you don’t tell them Person 1 gave them to you! You simply say they were yours but your don’t have anymore/can’t share, ya ninny.
  3. If you’re dating the person you borrow from, and the two of you breakup, you have approximately 24 hours to get your own Netflix account before the password changes. But not for giving back all of their sweatshirts/CDs/books they left at your place. Those are fare gamesies. Do not pass GO, do not collect $100. Do not get your ratty but super comfy AC/DC t-shirt back.
  4. Please refrain from streaming any Tyler Perry movies, as watching even one of them causes Netflix to relentlessly, aggressively recommend every last Madea movie they have in their database. And there is a lot. Just so much Madea.
  5. Don’t explore the weird part of Netflix. Watch Human Centipede on your own time, on your own movie streaming accounts.
  6. Giving out the login info to anyone else gets you a lifetime ban. No parole.
  7. Any embarrassing guilty pleasure shows and movies you see the account owner watching in his/her “Recently Watched” section must remain unspoken of and confidential. It goes in the vault. THE VAULT!
  8. If, in the future, you acquire access to an HBO GO account, you must immediately offer to share it with the person who formerly lent you their Netflix as a courtesy. You went from rags to riches biotch! Don’t forget who got you there—it’s the right thing to do.
  9. Don’t add your own “Profile” to the account. That’s like asking to spend the night at a friend’s place, and hanging pictures of yourself all over the wall.
  10. If you’re seen out, spending more than $7.99, that means you can afford your own account, therefor you’re cut off. Immediately.

Wait.

Crap!

This post stays in the vault. THE VAULT!

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Comments on: "Thou Shalt Netflix and Chill" (3)

  1. I need to find someone who has Netflix so I can “borrow” a few Offices from them.

  2. I’ve never paid for Netflix. (Thanks little sister!) And I have broken so many of these rules and have no shame about it lol. I have my own profile but that’s actually a good thing. Now she doesn’t need to be bothered with getting suggestions related to the weird stuff I’ve watched.

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