I’m not even going to lie, guys.
I’m a grammar nerd to the max.
Like, it’s really, REALLY bad.
But it’s really, REALLY bad in a good way.
We grammar nerds are a very rare (and awesomely awesome) breed, and I’m not just saying that because I’m biased.
Nope. I’m totally just saying that because I’m biased.
I may be breaking all sorts of nerd code rules here, but I thought I’d share with you all what to expect when you’re dating a said grammar nerd (besides dating the most ridiculously amazing person in the history of eve that is, because duh).
- Avoid sending texts like luv u. It will make everything horrible.
- If you ever give them an eloquent, handwritten card (which you should do!!) along with a gift, they’ll most likely be so preoccupied with the beautiful card that they’ll forget there’s a second part of the present.
- If they tweet something that has a mistake in it, you better believe they will delete it and repost the whole thing over again. Thank God for that Facebook and Instagram allow for edits. Twitter, up your game, bruh!
- They’re not proud of it. They don’t necessarily consider having an OCD-level obsession with grammar to be any sort of accomplishment. It’s more like an inconvenient personality flaw that drives them crazy, because spelling mistakes CANNOT BE DEFEATED.
- The image of you sitting on the couch and casually reading a book will get them going in a way that they cannot explain.
- Even back in the day, they usually spelled everything out on AIM. While most of their friends abbreviated every word possible while chatting it up after Survivor was over, they were not about that life.
- So even if their crush messaged them with, “Hey wutz ^,” they were initially so distraught by the grammar to celebrate such an incredible moment in time.
- And while we’re reminiscing, nothing was more thrilling for a middle-school grammar nerd than that of finding a grammatical error in a textbook. #holygrail
- Autocorrect is simultaneously their savior and the bane of their existence. No, they are not ducking excited. But it’s too late to ANYTHING about it. The damage is done.
- When it comes to TV shows and movies, they were— and still are—always attracted to the nerdy person that the main character isn’t supposed to notice until the end. Helllllooooo, Gordo.
- They have physical reactions (read: cringing, recoiling, light vomit-in-the-mouth action) to words like “irregardless”. No. Just no.
- Don’t bring up the Oxford comma if you’re not a fan. They will fight you.
- Apostrophes are a dangerous game. Tread lightly.
- Their fears include: typos and death. In that order.
- They will use semi-colons on their text messages. Just embrace the pretentiousness. They’re well-aware that it’s annoying.
- They’re already debating what age their nonexistent children will be when they introduce them to Harry Potter. Answer: Fetus.
- They have a very hard time not judging coworkers based on how their emails are written. They know it’s a bad habit. They’re trying to quit. But what are they supposed to do when their boss emails them something that says, “Can u check the status of the report I need to no what the next steps are thx for looking into it.” They should just quit, right? Quitting is the only option, here?
- They are very emotional when it comes to they’re, their, there and you’re and your, and it’s and its. Like, John Green-level emotional.
- If you’re ever unsure of what their favorite subject was in school, just assume it was English.
- Their very concerned with making sure that every email they send out is flawless.
- If they read this post, the incorrect spelling of their in #20 will give them a heart attack.
Now go! Go forth and prosper, my friends!
But try to keep what I’m just said in the vault. I’ve got buckos street cred on the line here.