My Awesomely Random Life (and Everything in Between)

Well guys, we made it. Another week in the books.

And…we are now only 20 days away from Christmas!!!!!

Which makes it only 19 days until Christmas Eve, 18 days until Christmas Eve-Eve, 17 days until Christmas Eve-Eve-Eve…

I’m may just be the teensiest bit excited.

As much as I love the actual day of Christmas Eve/Christmas and New Year’s, the anticipation leading up to the big day(s) is even more fun. One thing that I’ve been doing lately (which I am 110% my co-workers are loving) is blasting Christmas music from my office. I get one month a year to do it and by gosh, by golly, I am going to take full advantage! Yesterday while going through my playlist of holly-jolly tunes, I came across a song that had been collecting some serious dust in my i-tunes library. I had totally forgotten it was there, but after having listened to it, I remembered why I sanctioned it to the island of misfit toys songs.

Christmas Shoes.

It really is a beautiful song, but it’s also the worst. Just all of the worst. If you’ve never heard Christmas Shoes, I will warn you and say that it makes you feel all the feels. You will also need a box or three of Kleenex by the time the song is over.

The holidays are a time for joyous celebration and reflection, filled with yuletide merriment and cheer.

But Christmas Shoes?

It’s really the Debbie Downer of songs. This is why:

E! Loves, Christmas Shoes Story

1. The Lyrics Are All of the Saddest Things Ever Written Put Into One Song: A dirty, tattered boy tries to pay for shoes with change for his dying mother, so she’ll look beautiful when she meets Jesus. It’s like someone played Mad Libs while watching a Sarah McLachlan commercial.

E! Loves, Christmas Shoes Story

2. Adult Contemporary Music Will Make You Cry All the Tears: The song is padded with soft guitar and what sounds like tiny toy instruments? Are you kidding?!

E! Loves, Christmas Shoes Story

3. A Choir of Kids Will Guilt You Into Losing It: Oh, if this “Butterfly Kisses“-wannabe lead singer dude hasn’t cracked you, there is literally a choral army of sad, innocent voices, wavering on the edge of tears, who will wear you down. Children’s choirs represent emotional extremes—hey can be used to be scary, joyous, or devastating. In this ballad their sole purpose is to crush your darn heart.

E! Loves, Christmas Shoes Story

4. The Song’s Backstory Is Internet Heartbreak: It’s been reported that the song was inspired by a sad story found on the Internet or an email chain letter that had been circulating in the late ’90s. Email chain letters are like why moms bothered learning how to use AOL. They’re scientifically proven to make you feel feelings. For some, poignancy. For others, seething rage.

E! Loves, Christmas Shoes Story

5. The Guy Makes It All About Him: “I knew that God had sent me that little boy to remind me what Christmas is all about.” After this whole emotional mess, a boy’s mother is allegedly on her deathbed, the guy who had a couple extra bucks on him makes the message about what he learned. What happens to the kid? The mom? THE SHOES?! Over it!

Bonus Clip: For my final piece of evidence, I’d like to present comedian Patton Oswalt‘s “Christmas Shoes” rant, where he breaks down the elements of this awful, awful song:

Not if you don’t mind, I am off to listen to some Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays (because what is sure to turn that frown upside down faster than some frosted-tipped, pre-teen boyband goodness?!)

Have a great weekend, everyone! 🙂

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Comments on: "5 Reasons Why Christmas Shoes is ALL of the Worst!" (5)

  1. Oh man, I can’t listen to this song at all! It’s like instant sadness!
    I remember the first time I heard of it, I thought it was going to be something upbeat (like Ruby Red Slippers or Elf Shoes) but nope. Instead it just makes you cry.

  2. Ok, confession time. I am a horrible person. This song does nothing for me except crack me up. And I am someone who cries at everything but this song, it’s just way too cheesy to even be sad. I’m sorry, don’t hate me.

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