I can’t always get the word-making part of my [gigantic] brain to accurately reflect what it is I’m trying to express.
I’m the guy on the left. [Photo credit]
But that’s what gifs and memes are for, right?
I love gifs and memes. I do. In fact, I’d be lying to you if I don’t spend at least half of my work day scrolling the interwebs for the most ridiculously hilarious ones I can find. To be honest, I’m not certain I even want to write anything anymore without resorting to captioned pictures of sloths.
In case you, too, have fallen in love with these silly “moving pictures” (as my mom likes to put it), or simply find your wordy bits failing you, I’ve compiled a pile of internet to help you say what you mean about the book in your hands. Because what is better than books + a pile of internet?
But other than that, nothing.
Nothing is better than books + a pile of internet.
1. When you suddenly realize you’re reading fantasy, and that there isn’t going to be any plausible reason for the man’s wife to, although a spitting image of his wife, not actually be his wife. Said man with a wife who is not actually his wife also happens to be corresponding with a scientist whom he and his wife/not wife invented who turns out to be real but also dead, but also is still somehow responding to email and living in Buenos Aires. Got all that? Yeah, me either.
2. Any time a female protagonist starts talking about how she’s ‘not like other girls’ because she likes skateboarding or gaming or never played with dolls or whatever, OR CONTRARIWISE (what my ‘word of the day’ calendar from two weeks ago said–because I’ve been so busy looking at memes/gifs that I forgot to update my calendar) any time a female protagonist is like, “Ugh, my unruly breasts and hideous bee-stung lips and long, coltish legs. How will I ever catch a man like this?”
3. When someone like Dan Brown or John Grisham has put the fear of god into their editors and no one is brave enough to tell them to trim the fat, and you picture them all like:
4. Any time anyone is like, He did this totally innocuous-seeming thing and was later all like he very much wished he had not done that thing…CHAPTER BREAK.
5. When you read anything written by J.K. Rowling. I mean anything. She is genius, my friends. GENIUS!
6. When the back of the book summary, reviews, and blurbs are completely misleading about how awesome a book really is.
7. When the set-up and middle of a book are compelling, but the author runs out of ideas and wraps things up in like three pages.
8. When fictional countries go to war with other fictional countries so that PAGES UPON PAGES are taken up with ‘And Uncton captured the Island of Marriot, which had been neutral since the Pact of Reddit, so Plaxxor retaliated by seizing the Bay of Comic Sans, which was the only harbor connecting Plaxxor City to the Adobe Strait.’ Um…what?
9. Anything written in second person.*
10. Any time anyone kills a dog. I still have nightmares from Marley & Me. I’m talking about crying like a baby, Noah’s Arc flood-water tears, can’t-get-out-of-bed-for-days nightmares.
11. William Faulkner.
12. When a legit main character legit dies. The Fault in Our Stars, I’m talking to YOU!
Obviously and sadly, these really only come in handy in online conversations. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been talking to someone in real life and wanted to be all, I’m ‘super Shaq shoulder-dancing with cat’ gif about the weekend.
Actually, that is pretty fantastic. I think I may need to just start carrying around a folder of my favorite gifs to pull out and use on unsuspecting strangers.
*I do realize that parts of this post are technically written in second person.