My Awesomely Random Life (and Everything in Between)

Seriously, these are ALL of the disgusting. Never eat them. Like, ever.

If you know me, you know that I probably have the biggest sweet tooth (err, teeth) EVER. It is physically impossible for me to go a day without noshing on some sort of cookie, chocolate, fruity-tuity, sugar glob of goodness.

However…

…there some things even this girl won’t go near with a ten-foot pole.

These, my friends, are the 17 types of candy that should be bubble wrapped, packaged up, and shipped off to planet 152.

1. Black Jelly Beans–The ABSOLUTE worst!enhanced-buzz-18031-1362084375-8

WHY IN THE WORLD DOES THIS EVEN EXIST AMONG ALL THE OTHER FRUITY FLAVORS??? It tastes like tires and is reminiscent of rabbit turds. Gross.

2. Laffy Taffy (not salt-water taffy because everyone knows that that is delicious).enhanced-buzz-26372-1362084522-13

Is it just me or is THE WRAPPER IS IMPOSSIBLE TO REMOVE!!!!!!

3. Three Musketeersenhanced-buzz-341-1362084643-0

JUST NOUGAT. NOTHING ELSE. HOW BORING ARE YOU? What would your crime-fighting, sword-buckling counterparts think of you, bucko?

4. Dubble Bubbleenhanced-buzz-2557-1362084731-6

CANDY THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN EAT?! Or chew for that matter?! I’ll pass. But thanks.

5. Dum Dumsenhanced-buzz-9101-1362084819-0

THEY GIVE THESE OUT AT THE BANK AND THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE. ENOUGH SAID. You’d be a DUM-DUM to eat one of these suckers (you knew it was coming, guys).

6. Good & Plentyenhanced-buzz-1762-1362085085-1

My Grandma Hansen always ALWAYS had a bowl of these next to her. Growing up, I always ALWAYS thought I could get over how disgusting these little pill-sized black licorice bites were, following my G-ma’s lead and popping a few in my mouth. And always ALWAYS I ended up spitting out a Good & Plenty amount of candy sludge into the garbage. Blech!

7. Runtsenhanced-buzz-9521-1362085041-0

Fruit-shaped candy that doesn’t even remotely taste like the fruit it’s shaped as. Just give this girl a real banana and we’ll call it good.

8. Rolosenhanced-buzz-9437-1362085135-1

LOOK AT THIS. IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS. IF IT ISN’T OBVIOUS, LOOK AT THE PICTURE AGAIN.

9. Milk Dudsenhanced-buzz-9099-1362085247-3

COULD THIS CANDY BE ANY MORE CLINGY????? IT’S A STAGE 5 CLINGER

10. Junior Mintsenhanced-buzz-24533-1362085503-0

They’re LIKE CHOCOLATE-COVERED TOOTHPASTE NUGGETS. WHY WOULD YOU PUT THEM IN YOUR MOUTH FOR PLEASURE?! Take a cue from Kramer…eating these can literally be hazardous to your health.

11. Bit-O-Honeyenhanced-buzz-9515-1362085648-0

HOW CAN THEY LEGALLY CALL IT CANDY? It looks like soap. Are you sure it’s not soap. I’m pretty sure it’s soap.

12. Raisinetsenhanced-buzz-8989-1362085731-5

THESE ARE JUST RAISINS WEARING MAKEUP. WE KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY ARE WITHOUT CHOCOLATE. You can’t hide, raisins!

13. Lemonheadsenhanced-buzz-9439-1362085840-1

SOUR LITTLE BLOBS OF NO THANK YOU MA’AM.

14. Dotsenhanced-buzz-9410-1362086150-16

WHY DON’T YOU JUST GET DENTURES MADE OF HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP AND RED NO. 6. It’s be a lot easier.

15. Chunky Barenhanced-buzz-6708-1362086414-0

THIS LOOKS LIKE POOP. ACTUAL POOP. And the name alone…CHUNKY Bar. I don’t to be putting anything into my mouth that is chunky.

16. Whatever these areenhanced-buzz-13815-1362086439-2

THEY LOOK A LITTLE BIT LIKE STRAWBERRIES AND TASTE EXACTLY LIKE COUGH DROPS. Ick.

17. Peanut Butter KissesPeanut-Butter-Kisses

More like KISSES of Death, am I right folks. Who here has received these little barf-balls in their Halloween bags as a kid? More importantly, who here has received these little barf-balls in their Halloween bags and actually ATE them? I rest my case.

No, I think I will stick to my M&M, Skittle, Kit Kat, Twix, Starburst, Gummy Bear, Snickers, Milky Way, Sour Patch Kid, Almond Joy, eatin’ ways.

Have a very sweet rest of your Friday night, all! And an even better weekend!!

Question of the day: What sweet treats make your list to send to the moon?

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Comments on: "17 Types of Candy That Should Be Wiped Off of the Planet" (11)

  1. Other than two of those, I agree. Most of them are icky. I’m eating a dark chocolate with chile bar right now, so I’m glad it’s not on your list. I recall candy cigarettes tasted like chalk, and I don’t understand pixie sticks. A pure tube of diabetes. And I expect people to line them up on a table and snort it. Nobody buys a straw filled with salt. Or paprika.

    • Ooh dark chocolate with chile? That sounds tres interesting!! I’ll have to check that out sometime. Oh my golly those candy cigarettes! They did taste (and look) like chalk didn’t they? I have a confession to make, something that I am not proud of…when I was little, my friends and I used to make our own versions of pixie sticks by combining Jello packets and about a tub of sugar into a bowl, mixing it up and going to town. Not our finest moments for sure lol.

  2. I’m guilty for having enjoyed 6 of these 🙂
    LOL

    • No judgement here, girl! I used to make my own versions of peanut butter cups by dumping a bag a chocolate chips into my Jiff jar and going to town with a spoon. Weird? Absolutely! Really really good! Absolutely! Lol

  3. Jade Hansen said:

    I have to disagree with lots of these choices……except for 3,4, 7 and 14-17.

  4. Totally with you, except for the Laffy Taffy. There’s a Secret Art to opening them that is only revealed to a precious few people. And besides, how can one toss out a candy that comes with free laughs like this:
    “What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
    Poultry in motion.”
    I mean, that’s pure comedy gold, right there. 🙂

  5. I truly appreciate this post. I’ve been looking everywhere for this! Thank goodness I found it on Bing. You have made my day! Thank you again

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