- 1. A deep and strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong, injury or injustice; wrath; ire.
- 2. An emotion related to one’s psychological interpretation of having been offended, wronged or denied
No matter how one defines it, I have always had a hard time with the term.
You see, I have always been a very positive person. I choose to look at my glass of chocolate milk half full, to smile whenever I can, to laugh at myself when I fall walking up the steps (which has happened more often that I want to admit) or any other slightly embarrassing moments that for some reason, have a way of finding me. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt, to believe the good in them. I don’t like confrontation. Life is too short to harbor on the negatives in your everydays. Part of this positivity persona that I have accrued in my almost 25 years has also caused me to be weary of this emotion.
I can’t think of a time when I really got angry. Believe you me, there definitely have been times when I have gotten pretty upset; the time my dog Thunder decided to eat all of my new Victoria’s Secret underwear to bits (maybe that was her secret–that her skivies served as dog treats as well), the time my sister snuck into my closet and ‘borrowed’ most of my clothes to take down with her to college, when the Brewers decided to leave their A-game at home during the last few games of the championships last year or when I stubbed my big toe on the dresser (boy did I have some choice words for myself then) all come to mind.
I have gotten upset. I have gotten angry. But I never really have allowed myself to show it, to express it. I don’t even think I have ever yelled. In the past, I tended to hide this emotion, to ignore what I was feeling and try to move past it. Whether it was directed at someone or something, I have always chosen to take the passive route, to almost forget what it was I was angry at or for. I didn’t want to stir the pot, to speak up, to be the ‘bad cop’. I think a lot of this had to do with ED; she silenced me in more ways than one. I became afraid to say what I needed and wanted to say or think because I wanted to be everybody’s best friend. If there was one thing that scared me more than anything, it was the idea of someone being mad at me or, heaven for bid, not liking me.
In the process of kicking ED’s ass to the curb (pardon my French), I have gotten stronger (and I’m not just talking about the serious guns I am now sporting–which reminds me, I should really get a licence for those puppies). I have taken off that muzzle that ED placed on me for so long and am learning to be more assertive, to not just sit back and watch life happen with no say or input from me, but instead grab a hold of the horns and take that bull for a ride. As hard of a pill to swallow as it is, I am also learning (I say learning because I still have a slightly hard time with this. But I promise, I am working on it) that not everyone is going to like me. After all, would I really want to be friends with someone who didn’t like me for me? Nope. Nadda. Negativeo. I am so very lucky to have such an amazing group of friends and family who do love me for the crazy and silly gal that I am and that is really all I can ask for.
I am recognizing that anger is not as negative as I thought it was. In fact, it is healthy to feel and express this emotion. It prevents you from keeping it inside until it eventually explodes like Mt. Vesuvius–and that would just make for a lot of unnecessary vacuuming and Mr. Cleaning and really, who wants to do that? If it is a person that you are angry with, it also allows them to be made aware of your feelings and can help them make positive changes. Now I wouldn’t suggest going all Naomi Campbell and throwing a cellphone at someone’s head whenever you get a bit upset, but I would suggest allowing yourself to feel, and show your anger in a healthy way.
I’m not going to lie, this is going to be a challenge for me.
But I am up for it (that’s what he said–sorry, I just couldn’t resist)!
After all, if it is perfectly acceptable for some birds to get angry, surely it is perfectly acceptable for me to do the same, right?
Have a great rest of your Tuesday guys!
Question of the day: Is there any emotion that you have a hard time feeling/expressing?