I hope you all had a wonderful and relaxing Sunday. My day was overall pretty fantabulous, if I do say so myself. I spent about five, count ’em FIVE hours working on my new venture. I have recently been inspired to check off #5 on that good ‘ol bucket list of mine. So much so in fact that I haven’t stopped working on this little diddy since I started late Friday night. I am obsessed. But totally in a good way.
What is this new venture, this new obsession that I speak of, you ask? Well….I am excited to announce that I have begun to write a book. That’s write, I mean right…sorry. I just had to throw in a bit of punny writing humor there 😉
I am soooo incredibly excited and have never been so enthralled in anything like this before. I mean, there was that one time when I was six and couldn’t tear myself away from my Littlest Pet Shop–Do you all remember those things? How cute and fun were they?! Needless to say, I was hooked. I have indeed had my bouts of where I would become totally smitten with things, spending oodles of time doing or listening to (I also should mention that time in middle school…and college…where all I would and could listen to was Hanson jams on repeat–but can you blame me? They pretty much are still the bees knees, for surely!) or playing with, only to finally move on to something else that spurred my fancy.
Writing is the one thing that I have never traded in; it has been that one thing that has never gone out of style in my book (sorry, I just had to throw in another one. In my opinion, you can never have too many puns, much to my best friend Chris’ dismay–I did that just for you, buddy). I have always been passionate about the written word, putting my thoughts and beliefs, my observations and feelings into words. Speaking is great, but I have always for some reason been able to express myself better through paper and pen, keyboard and computer.
You all know my slight addiction to all things books and I always, deep-down, deep-deep down, dreamed of one day having my very own creation on the shelves of a library or local Barnes N’ Nobles, one that someone would pick up on a whim but would end up reading in one sitting, too enthralled and involved in to stop. I am just slightly exaggerating on how good it might be. Goodness, I will be lucky if anyone besides my mom and dad will read it, and I say they will read it because, well, I will make them, whether they like it or not. Writing a book and having it get published would be amazing, a dream come true, but even if it never leaves the floppy disc of my HP, if no body reads it, I still am going to do it. Writing is and has always been something I did for myself, a way to release my thoughts and express what I couldn’t say, what I was most often than not, brave enough to say.
This blog has been an amazing tool for me to exercise my writing noggin and has given me a voice that I might not have otherwise found; I am so very grateful and happy that you all have stuck with me through it all (I know I can tend to get a little long-winded at times and might not make a lot of sense–sometimes I just get so gosh darn excited about what I am writing about that it all comes out in a muddled mush of words and sentences). In fact, a big reason why I decided to finally do this thang, to finally take a chance and to put myself out there, scary as it might be, was because of all of you. I never really thought of myself as a stellar writer, more just as someone who enjoyed doing it and who at times, did some pretty alright work. I didn’t think I was any better than anyone else out there who writes, and I still don’t. I do however believe now that maybe I do have a certain gift, a gift of word and insight. Maybe this thing is more that what I had thought. You don’t know how much all of your sweet and oh so kind comments have meant to me. I never before now have given myself any real credit, but you all have shown me that maybe this is a gift that the big guy upstairs has given me. The least I can do is use it, right?
So that’s what I am a doin’. I am going to write this book. I am going to write and write and write until I can write no mo. Not only has this experience been so much fun and relaxing so far, but it has also been very healing. You see, I am writing an inspirational book about my recovery. But in true Wendi fashion, of course it is going to have a sort of humorous take on the whole thing. You know me–I have a hard time not turning something negative into something positive –and that is what this eating disorder has been, really. In all of the clouds and darkness, through all of the pain and struggle that is has caused me, I have grown to be a stronger and better person because of it. If I can get through this and come out the other side with a smile and skip to my step, than nothing can stop me from reaching my goals and dreams–and that goes for everyone out there reading this!
I have to admit, pouring out my heart, my deepest feelings and emotions, my experiences both good and bad, is kind of scary. It’s a lot like that dream you have when you are at school and realize you are completely and utterly buck naked, sporting your birthday suit for all to see. Being so open and honest like that is in a sense, being naked, vulnerable. But if my story can in any way shed light on what this disease is, how it is incredibly hard to beat but NOT impossible. In fact, I know from the tippy top of my head to the bottom of my uber larger feet (and you know what they say about girls with big feet–yeah, I don’t either) that it is possible. If I can help someone out there like me who is going through the same thing I am and is wondering if there is any hope, any hope at all to get better and break free of ED’s viler than the Wicked Witch of the West’s hands, than writing this book, overcoming any fear or trepidation that I have or will face, will be absotively-posatutely 110% worth it. Helping to heal others is a huge reason why I have decided to write this book, but healing myself is numero uno. Never did I think that writing a book, going back and reliving my past, the good and bad, collecting the pieces of the puzzle would be so eye-opening and incredibly encouraging. I know now more than ever, how much ED has taken from me, how much I have lost and how much I have sacrificed. I also know how much I have to gain, how much I have to live for and how strong I am for coming so far.
As R.D Cumming once said, “A good book has no ending. A great book allows you to make your own ending.”
Both in my recovery and in my book, I am choosing to be great. I am choosing to write my own ending. And I can’t wait to see what that is. But whatever it turns out to be, I know it will be amazing!
Have a great night my dears and an even better tomorrow.
Remember. You have got the power to write your own ending. So write!