Oh my Honey Bunched of Oats.
Did you guys hear about this?
In this edition of Friday Funnies, I present to you the big Depardieu Boo-boo.
Noted french actor Gerard Depardieu was on a flight this past Tuesday from Paris to Dublin when he got the sudden and apparently immediate urge to, uhh, go. I guess Depardieu had one too many pre-flight cocktails before boarding the plane because not only did fellow passengers describe the G man as more than just slightly in the bag, but his bladder was fuller than the movie theater parking lot opening night of Harry Potter. Right as the plane began to take off, Mr. ‘Pardieu proudly (or not so proudly) announced to the aircraft, “I have to pee! I have to pee!” (or in french “J’ai envie de faire pipi! J’ai envie de faire pipi!”). When the cabin crew politely told the actor to remained seated during takeoff, he proceeded to stand up and ‘faire pipied’ all over the aisle of the plane! His ‘whiz’arding ways delayed the plane for over two hours as the crew had to clean up and sanitize the plane. If I was a passenger on that plane, I would have been pretty p’d off, pardon my french.
There have been many a time where I couldn’t hold it in any longer (don’t they always conveniently seem to happen in the worst of situations). One of the most memorable times happened when I was just a little girl. When I was about four years old, I was fishing with my dad and my grandpa on Lake Wausau. I loved going out with them, even if I didn’t do any fishing, although if I can brag a bit, I was one of the few four-year old girls I knew who could bait and cast her own line (thank you daddy). On this particular trip, both my dad and grandpa had warned me to make sure that I went to the bathroom before we got on the lake because once we got out there, they weren’t coming back in until they were done fishing, whether I needed to or not. I reassured them that I was a-okay and set to go. However, that was before I had gulped down 2 cans of beer, heavy on the root (what can I say, I was, and am still, a huge fan of A&W and I was with the guys so I had to keep up with them, although they were drinking a very different kind of beer). My poor little bladder couldn’t hold all of that liquid and as a result, a mere hour into our fishing trip, I looked at my dad and said, “I gotta go!”
My grandpa always carried a big bucket in his boat for occasions such as these but when he told me that that was my potty de jour, I was horrified! No way was I going to pee in a bucket. I was a lady for gosh sakes. A little lady perhaps, but still a lady. I could hold it. Or at least that was what I kept telling myself over and over again. Just a few more minutes. But with each minute grew the need to go (and trust me, there is nothing worse than riding in a bumpy boat or car when you have to go to the bathroom…you feel everything. And I mean everything). It was not looking good for this girl. I told my dad how embarrassed I was to go in the bucket so he came up with an alternative. What happened next, I am not proud of. It was, and is probably one of the most embarrassing things that has or will ever happen to me. My grandpa trolled the boat over to an empty dock in a pretty remote area of the lake. I dropped my Strawberry Shortcake shorts, my dad picked me up held me over the side of the boat and I went, my feet hovering over the spider-webbed dock. And if that wasn’t enough to make me go into hiding for the rest of my childhood, the people who lived at the house directly behind the dock were privy to the whole thing, witnessing my bad aim as they stood in front of their kitchen window. Needless to say, we high-tailed it on out of there even before my britches were up. Yes, I, Wendi Hansen, peed over the side of a boat. But boy did I feel better afterwards 🙂
Now I understand that when you gotta go, you gotta go (which is exactly what I did and why I did it). Really, I do. But Gerard? Buddy. In the plane aisle? Really? That’s just nasty. At least I was on a mostly deserted lake. And I had at least tried to hold it in. And I was four!
Gerard Depardieu later issued an apology for his actions, stating that he was extremely embarrassed and sorry, and that he suffers from prostate problems which was what caused him to ‘relieve’ himself in such a way. Lesson learned Mr. Depardieu so next time, maybe not drink so much before boarding the plane. Or you could always carry with you my grandpa’s bucket. And hey, on the bright side, at least he didn’t, uh, Depardieu number two ;P
Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself.
I’m not the only one who found this pretty funny. Check out reporter Anderson Cooper! Poor guy couldn’t stop the giggles from coming (and I don’t blame him).
Have a very funny and great Friday everyone!
Question of the day: Have you ever had a very embarrassing ‘gotta go’ situation?