Creep. That is exactly what my new house guests seem to be doing a lot of lately and it’s really starting to ‘bug’ me.
I wish I could say that I was just talking about the somewhat mysterious old lady who lives above me at my apartment complex. She seems nice enough; every once in a while she sits on a bench right outside my place, feeding the birds and talking to herself, all the while sporting a fashionable moomoo and heels. To give her credit, I can’t wear heels NOW let alone fathom doing so when I am her age. Plus, it takes galls to rock a pink polka-dot terry cloth ensemble the way she does. However, there are times when I swear I catch her giving me a look that only Norma Bates from ‘Psycho’ would give, a deep, menacing and almost sinister stare. I’m sure she’s just a harmless lonely lady and that I have seen to many horror films to perpetuate this ridiculous freaky feeling, but it still kinda sorta really gives me the heeby-jeebies sometimes. All I need is a clap of thunder, lightning and some cued-in suspense music and I’m starring in my own Stephen King movie.
Despite scary Mrs. Mumu, I think I would rather be talking about her than what is really creepin’ in and around my apartment…and that is bugs. In all honesty, I really don’t mind bugs all that much. In fact, here are some of my favorite bugs…
Yes, I actually can say that I don’t mind bugs…that is bugs that are NOT spiders. Spiders, my friend, are in a whole other ballpark when it comes to bugs in my opinion. I absotively-posatutely HATE DESPISE DETEST am FREAKED OUT and SCARED and HORRIFIED by the eight-legged creatures! There is just something about their hairy bodies and wicked eyes and blood-sucking pincers that totally makes my skin crawl. I wouldn’t go as far to say that I am arachnophobic (specific phobia of spiders) but I have seen the movie Aracnophobia and nearly became the definition of the film because of it. If you have never seen the film, I highly suggest you do…not. Ick!
The only other bug besides spiders that I can’t stand are ants. I know, right? The cute little things that you see from time to time scurrying across the sidewalk? How could I not like those guys you ask? Well, as it turns out, me and ants have a not so nice history. It all started about two years ago when my mom and I went on a roadtrip a trip to Florida to see what else, the new Harry Potter theme park (it was AMAZEBALLS btw.) We stayed at a Holiday Inn and were not pleasantly surprised to find a gaggle of ants in our beds when we pulled back the sheets. It wasn’t just a few ants that we found; they were everywhere! There were so many, they could have basically made their own zip code. Apparently, the guests previous had left some kind of cookie/candy/chip wrapper with remnants of the snack still in the bed (which to my dismay the housekeepers didn’t clean) that had caused the nasty infestation. Needless to say, we switched rooms ASAP and even got our room paid for although at that point, I kind of just wanted to forgo the whole hotel room and sleep in the car.
Later that night, we walked over to the Cracker Barrel restaurant for dinner where I proceeded to once again come in contact with the ant, or many in this case. First off, we had to share the sidewalk with these lovely things who were spilling out of the cracks. Then, to top it off, this ant-a-polooza continued when we got to the restaurant. Since it was blazing hot outside, I ordered my all-time favorite go-to hot-summer night food…cereal 🙂 I received by giant bowl of Frosted Flakes but little did I know they would be frosted with ants. After I was halfway through finishing my gggrreeeatt cereal, I noticed little black flecks doing backstrokes in my milk. At first I thought they were just burnt parts of the flakes (you get those sometimes, right?)until I saw that those said burnt parts were moving. AND I HAD EATEN ALMOST THE WHOLE BOWL BEFORE MAKING THIS REALIZATION! Nasty! Nasty! Gross! Gross! I told the waitress what had happened and get this, she asks me if I would like another bowl of cereal! Yes, I would please like another box of ants. The ones I just ate weren’t nearly enough. Like I said, gross.
It seemed the ants had followed us back home because not a few days after we had gotten back, our house was invaded by fire ants and those you do not want to mess with. They are mean, mean, mean and so gosh darn hard to get rid of. For weeks we would find ants in our coffee cups, ants on the couch, ants crawling up, through, on, under and over walls, lights, doors, dressers, and shelves. We had the place sprayed and fumigated but they.would. not. die. We took to arming ourselves constantly with Windex (an unknown and inexpensive bug killer–who knew?), whipping a bottle out at any given moment, wild west cowboy style. Finally, after about two months, the ants subsided and I was home free. Or so I thought.After moving across the country, from the deep south of Georgia all the way up to Packer country, the ants would follow.
About two weeks ago, I came home to find a family of ants making themselves comfortable in my living room, kitchen and bedroom. At first it was just a few here and there but then my ant clan decided to have a ‘family reunion’, the venue of choice being my apartment. It seems that they had quite the guest list; great grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins thre times removed… these ants were everywhere! It was so bad, I literally had ants in my pants; I noticed a couple had infiltrated my attire for the day, making the trip to work with me. I was SO not going to have ant-ageddon part deux. I called my apartment managers right away and asked if they could spray, which they said they would do, but I would have to wait about a week. SO, I hunkered down, stocked up on Windex and rode out the ant storm.
The good news: my ants are almost non-existent now, thank goodness.
The bad news: I think I know what has gotten rid of them…
Hoping you have a ‘spidant’ free rest of your Thursday!