Awkward Turtle

Happy Monday, guys!

Boy do I have a doosie of a story to share with y’all today. But before I get into that, I just wanted to remind everyone that there is, drum roll please…

…..badabadabadabadabadabadabadabada…..

11 days left until I am here

eating this

sitting next to this guy

cheering on these guys

OPENING DAY!!!!

11 days.

But I digress. Back to my cray cray story. Today after I got done tutoring one of my students, I decided to make a quick pit stop at Starbucks for a little drink (I am such a dork–when everyone else was ordering their grandefrappamocholatewhips, I stuck with my carton of chocolate milk and a sugar cookie–I am quite the fancy pants as you can see) and to do a little writing. I was just getting settled into the corner spot, my favorite spot by the big window on the comfy sofa seat. I had my laptop opened and was just about to start tapping away when a guy in a blue polo shirt and jeans came walking over to my table. He was very tall and had a very Ralph Lauren look to him. Not going to lie, he wasn’t too hard on the eyes if you know what I mean. There were all the open seats to my left and all the open seats to my right, but as he walked over to my little corner, he decided to sit on the comfy sofa seat a direct 180 degrees, a mere three butt cheeks length away, from yours truly.

At first I didn’t really pay any attention to it; at least he smelled good–trust me, it would be a whole other story if his cologne of choice smelled like a mix of stinky feet and stale Cheetos. All of a sudden Mr. Lauren turned to look at me and said, “So you chose this spot?”

Sitting there in my finest of holey gym shorts and faded tank top, hair a mess and sweating like a pig (do pigs even sweat? I never got that expression), the first thing I thought was ‘Is this guy talking to me?’ After lingering there in the silence for a bit, awaiting my answer, I figured that he was. The second thing I thought was ‘This is a classic example of Bill Engvall’s “Here’s Your Sign”. Did I choose this spot? Well, seeing as I am, right this very instant, at this spot, I guess I did. Here’s your sign.

Not wanting to be rude, I answered him. “Yup. I did. Just doing some writing.”

Mr. Lauren then said, “I kind of thought this was the place, seeing as you live a few minutes away. I hope I’m not too early. It was 2:30, right?”

What. Was. This. Guy. Talking. About?

Just when I was about figure it all out, a girl came up from behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. “Excuse me miss, but I think ‘Tod’ thinks you are me.” I looked at Ralph, ah, I mean Tod, and he was beet red. I mean this poor guy was redder than the time I got sunburnt to a crisp in Vegas…and that’s saying something.  I felt so bad for him. Awkward turtle, you betcha!

Apparently, these two lovebirds met on Match.com and had planned to meet up for the first time today, at this very Starbucks. Now I don’t know much about online dating, but I would think that people share photos on these internet dating sites, right? If this assumption is correct, I don’t know what kind of pictures Ashley was displaying because I looked nothing like her. Not one inch of a bit. For one, she was slightly on the shorter side; she literally came up to my shoulder. She also had dark, dark hair, like Snow White black hair, and had a giant flower tattoo on her shoulder (which was pretty darn cool, by the way). How Tod thought that I was indeed Ashley still floors me, but it definitely makes for a great story. After Tod apologized profusely, both to me (formally known as Ashley) and to the real Ashley, they got up, went to the opposite side of the coffee shop and presumed, or started, their date.

As I finished off my chocolate milk (oh my gosh, I just realized that I totally probably had a milk mustache during this whole scene…ack.) and polished off the last few crumbs of my sugar cookie, I thought of, besides being NOT the one embarrassing themselves for once, how I possibly was responsible for a real love connection here, albeit a little weird, but maybe possibly could-be who-knows a real love connection. Ten years from now when little Suzie, Tod and Ashley’s daughter asks how mommy and daddy met, they can say that it all started with a little Starbucks, a little coffee and a little mistaken identity. Well slap a pair of wings on me and call me Cupid

Have a great rest of your Monday everyone!

Question of the day: What is one of the most embarrassing situations that you have been witness to, NOT involving you?

Friday Funnies

Hey guys!

T. G. I. Friday! (and I’m not talking about the restaurant here, although, now that you mention it, I could go for some of their tasty quesadillas…mmm mmm good!)

It’s crazy to think that the first week of November is already behind us. Before you know it, we will all be stretchy-pantsed up, stuffing (pun intended) ourselves with turkey, mashed tators, and pumpkin pie, giving thanks (for our amazing and loving friends and family, good health and most importantly, that Wal-Mart was open late so that we could go and get the whipped cream that someone was supposed to pick up but forgot…because what is pumpkin pie without the cream, am I right folks?) and watching  our favorite team throw around a little pigskin. Ahh Thanksgiving. Then, it’s just a mere hop-skip and jump until the real fun begins, with Christmas and New Years just around the corner. I absotively posatutely LOVE this time of year!!! And to make it even more special, it will be the first time in forever and a day that my whole family will be together to celebrate which to me is better than any present I could ever receive under the tree (even if that means having an all-out smack down with the cousins to decide who will be the ‘Santa Clause’ and distribute the gifts to everyone Christmas morning. AaronTylerNickAlexandmylovelysisterLindsay…you’re so going down!). Are you as excited as I am?!

But before we get too ahead of ourselves, I want to send you off on a great weekend with a few of my new Friday Funnies. Kick back, relax, pour yourself a glass of chocolate milk, extra chocolate and have a laugh. It’s FRIDAY!

Ahhh...that explains it.

 

It's not bad enough that I can't get into my pickle jar, but this too?!

 

"Mr. President, after I destroy Washington D.C... I will destroy another major city every hour on the hour. That is, unless, of course, you pay me... One kajillion dollars..."

The face of innocence...

Somehow I don't think this is what they meant...

Now this is my kind of rationalization Mr. Ed never looked so good

Dirty Desserts

Have you heard?!

Ben & Jerry recently exposed their shweddy balls to America.

And boy are they tasty

Okay, maybe I should clarify that a bit. Ben & Jerry’s just came out with their newest, limited batch-flavor of ice cream based on the hilarious mock-NPR Saturday Night Live sketch featuring Alec Baldwin, Ana Gastyer and Molly Shannon (one of my all-time favorites!! Check out the clip below and you’ll see why).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVChao15oDw&feature=results_main&playnext=1&list=PLBE2B437DC72A3BB1

The newest of Ben & Jerry creations is vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum which is loaded with fudge-covered rum and milk chocolate malt balls. Yum much? All I can say is that I can’t wait to get their Shweddy Balls in my mouth

Okay, obviously I have the maturity level of a ten-year (which was the age I was when the SNL skit first aired in 1998) because it still sends me into an unescapeable fit of giggles. I’m talking give-me-Situation-abs-crying-tears-of-funny-I’m-laughing-so-hard giggles. Anyone who knows me knows that I am quite the punny person, that is I speak fluent pun. Anytime when I can find a way to insert a pun or a double entendre into conversation, I will do so. That is what makes this sketch so hilarious; the barrel runneth over of uncanny and knee-slapping double entendres. Although the double entendred title of the scrumptious new frozen treat Shweddy balls was obviously done intentionally, it got me to think of some other tasty treats that have not-so intentionally anatomically pervy names from around the world.

6. Nestlé Nips

 

Let’s start close to home with a product you can find in the candy aisle of your local grocery, Nestlé Nips. First introduced in the 1920s, rich and creamy hard candy Nips are “for people who need a break from life’s little irritations…” I’ve heard Band-Aids work, too.

5. Couque D’asses

The next snicker-inducing treat is a crisp butter cookie filled with chocolate from Japan. I get that it’s supposed to be  French, but were there no English speakers in that marketing meeting, no one from corporate to chime in with “Umm…it says asses…on the box”?

4. Perky Nana

 

The third nibble, coming to us from New Zealand, is the Mighty Perky Nana. The Cadbury product is a chewy, banana-flavored candy bar covered in milk chocolate. You can have the regular, apparently smaller Perky Nana or the Mighty Perky Nana. But come on, size doesn’t really matter as long as it’s perky, right?

3. Crunky Nude Balls

 

Next I present to you Nude Korean Balls, Crunky Nude Balls, specifically. They are bite-size chocolate treats akin to Nestle Crunch with the rice crisps on the outside, thus making them “inside out” or “nude.”  I’m not quite sure what makes them crunk, though.

2. Megapussi

 

This tasty snack comes to us from Finland. It’s a bag of chips that proudly boasts “MEGAPUSSI!” meaning “big bag.” Betcha can’t eat just one? Goodness…talk about sinful treats. I feel like I should go to church just after reading the bag.

And just like Vanessa Williams once said, I’ve ‘saved the best for last.’

1. Spotted Dick

 

 

 

 

 

This is a very popular English dessert although you can find it right here in the good ‘ol US of AY in specialty food shops and by ordering it online. So what is this Spotted Dick you ask (also known as sponge pudding or spotted dog)? Well, it is a steamed suet type pudding which is sweet and often served with custard, very similar to pound cake. The spotted part of the name comes from the use of various types of small fruits like raisins, currants and sometimes plums. The Dick portion of the name however seems to be somewhat of a mystery with many different conflicting stories of how it came to rise. PUN intended. Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself.

Well there you have it. I guess you learn something new everyday.

Now, if you don’t mind, I am going to take my Shweddy balls, Spotted Dick, and maybe a few Perky Nanas and go to town!

Have a great night guys!

Question of the day: What is the weirdest named food that you have come across?

 

 

 

Wonder Woman

If you could have any super power, what would it be?

That is the question I asked myself as I walked home from a great day at the park. Today was a gorgeous September day and I wanted to take complete advantage of it. I absolutely love this time of year; the sun is out, the air is crisp, and the once vibrantly green leaves on the trees are just starting to turn beautiful shades of gold, red, orange and brown. Mmm how I love fall! I decided to embrace my inner 5-year-old and headed to a local park for some serious swing and monkey bar action. I don’t care how old you are, there is nothing more fun than pump-kicking your way into the clouds, the wind in your hair and cool metallic chain against your fingertips. As I sat on the swing, going higher and higher into the sky, nothing else seemed to matter. All of the worries, all of the stresses of the week, all of the pressure and fear just faded away. It was just me and the swing.

Well, it was just me, the swing, and the little boy swinging right beside me who was quite an avid fan of 20 questions and was the cutest thing that you ever did see. His name was Trevor, he was four and three-quarters years old (as he so proudly showed me by holding up four of his fingers), had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with X-Treme cheddar Goldfish (if you’re going to eat Goldfish, go for the X-Treme!) on the side for lunch, and LOVED Spiderman. Thank goodness he told me he was a fan of the webby wonder because I would have never guessed, seeing as he had on a Spiderman t-shirt, shoes, and adorned a matching red cape. I might be wrong, but did the Spidey wear a cape?

Cape or no cape, Trevor really knew his stuff. I mean, really knew his stuff. It was almost as if I was sitting next to the one and only Stan Lee himself. He went on to describe, in detail, Spiderman’s powers (his super-spidey sense, his ability to climb and scale walls, and his super-human strength, agility and stamina), his nemesis’ (The Spot, Jackal, Wolverine, Dr. Strange and Elektra, to name a few), and what made him soooo cool (uh, everything).  I asked Trevor if he liked any other super heroes and he said that they were okay, but if he could pick any one superhero to emulate (well, not his words exactly), he would have to choose Spiderman, although he said that if he could have any super power, it would be the ability to become invisible (which is one thing that the Spidey can’t do).

Right before my new buddy Trevor jumped off his swing and made his way to his mom who was calling him over to get ready to leave, he turned, looked at me, and asked me that very same question: If you could have any super power, what would it be? It’s such a simple question really, but it took me aback and I had to actually think about it a little bit. I mean, who wouldn’t want the ability to sour above the clouds, flying high with nothing but the city lights below you? It would most definitely save time and money for airfare (and you wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of dealing with that pesky airport security ever again). Then there’s the ability to become invisible; you could go anywhere and do anything without having ever being seen (Brewers’ locker room, here I come!). You could also have super-human strength (would come in handy when trying to open pickle jars), super-human speed (anyone wanna race?), or be able to predict the future.

In some ways it would be nice to see what is in store a day, a week, or five years from now. Think of all the good you could do for people; the robberies you could stop or the fires you could prevent. However, in predicting the future, you also are privy to information and details that you may not necessarily want to find out. The great thing about life is not knowing what is going to come next, the day-to-day challenges and changes and experiences that you experience. Knowing the future would take away from the here and now. You would be so worried and/or focused about what was going to happen next that you would forget to live in the moment. There is only one person, one super-human force who really knows what is going to happen in each of our futures, and that is the big guy upstairs and I will happily leave that job for him and him alone to do.

Yes, flying and being invisible, the ability to lift a car with your pinky finger or race a speeding train would all be great, but the one super power that I would, if I could, take on would be the ability to overcome great fear. Fear to me is an enemy comparable to any superhero nemesis. It has the power to conform you, demobilize you, isolate you, and prevent you from going after and doing the things that you want and need to do in your life. It controls you and can take away your voice, your choice. Don’t get me wrong, a little fear is a good thing; it prevents us from doing silly things that could get us hurt and allows us to air with a side of necessary caution when needed. However, if we let fear overcome us to the extent that we have no say in what we do, the decisions me make, or the places we go, the dreams we deter and the opportunities we miss, it turns into the enemy. I don’t want to completely be get rid of fear, but instead would love to have the ability to respect fear, to acknowledge it, and to overcome it when it turns into something that prevents me from living this great and wonderful life.

I may not wear a cape or have a wicked cool latex costume. I may not be a superhero, but I think I can still find a way to incorporate this ‘power’ into my life. By trying new things, by going above and beyond my comfort zone every once in a while, by falling down and getting back up, slowly but surely fear will lose some of its power, its grip, its control.

I’d like to see Mr. Spiderman do that

Question of the day: If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?

P.S. Job update 101: The interview went GREAT!!!! Thank you oh so much to everyone who was root-tooting me on and for keeping me in their thoughts and prayers. It really means the world. I should hear back from them early next week sometime for one final interview. EXCITING!!! :) Just another great example of how a lot of faith, a great deal of hope, and a lot of super-human fear-fighting strength goes along way!

P.P.S The super power to me that comes in a close second…I would LOVE to have the ability to eat as much ice cream as I wanted without getting sick or insta-brain freeze. Now how cool would that be?!

Friday Funnies

We made it to Friday guys!

Whoo hoo!

I don’t know about you but this week was a doosey, a good doosey, but a doosey none the less. I can’t think of a better way to kick-start the weekend than with a makes-your-stomach-hurt-gives-you-Situation abs-gotta go pee ASAP-belly laugh.

On that note I present to you…

drum roll please…

this week’s edition of friday Funnies!

On my way home from running errands today, I made a pit stop at Wally-World to pick up a few essentials: a bag of peanut M&M’s, a small pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cookie Dough Craving, AA Batteries and some toilet paper, you know, the things every person should have in their house in case of emergencies

As I was navigating my way through the store, I suddenly realized I was in the middle of a high-octane, balls to the wall, scooter showdown. I could almost hear the Nascar-like commentator replaying the exciting events for the cheering crowd…

The Scooter Shuffle

“Well folks we are on the final lap today here at Wal-Mart Raceway and what a race it’s been! The lady in Blue who was dead last to start the race has taken a sudden charging lead and is well on her way to a victory. I wouldn’t say she’s the winner quite yet however because trailing her neck-in-neck are gray shirt, purple frock and paisley polo. This could be a close one folks…”

Ehh boy. Only at Wally World.

Every time I see somebody on a scooter, I can’t help but think of this little nugget of goodness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gq4rT62TRsI

I don’t know about you, but with a scooter as cool as this baby, I would most definitely scoot to the edge of the Grand Canyon and  hover around the Statue of Liberty. Goodness, going anywhere would be a synch. I bet I could even take a trip into space and be the very first person to set foot, err, wheel, on the moon.”One small hover, for man. One giant scoot for mankind.” Just think of the possibilities! The question is though…if you owned a Hoveround Power Chair, where would you go next?

Another gem that instantly popped into my head upon witnessing the big Wal-Mart race today….

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csuZHyW-iGI

One of my favorite Seinfeld episodes of all-time (and there are a bunch!). You gotta hand it to George…he really held his own against the elderly scootin’ brigade. I mean they were tough. And did you check out the motors on those things? I bet they could have gone from 0-5 in, like, 30 minutes max.

I hope everyone ‘rolls’ right into a great weekend!

Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself.

Here Comes the Bride…in Cleats?

So…I think I’ve caught a slight case of wedding fever. This
past year seemed to be the year of weddings for me, well, not for me exactly,
but for quite a few of my friends, family members and those who I sorta-kinda
wish were my friends and/or family members (i.e. a couple you may or may not
know as Prince William and Duchess Kate who happened to have just a small
wedding this past April, or, our american equivalent to the royal couple, Kim Kardashian and
baller Kris Humphries–I will address their small shindig that took place over
the past weekend in a bit).

Yes, wedding fever has struck. I think I attended and/or was invited to more weddings this past year alone than I have my whole life combined, making for a lot of chicken dances and buttercream! One of the side effects of wedding fever? Wedding drool. Yes, it is an actual medical condition, one which I had a hard time controlling last night. Not only did I start salivating profusely over this lovely fondant and frosting masterpiece when I went to the bakery last night to treat myself to a cupcake…

but I also found myself being sucked into a mad marathon of TLC’s
show ‘Say Yes To the Dress’, also drooling, but this time it was over this…

and this…

and this…

Wowsas! I really don’t know what’s come over me. I usually am not such a
girly girl when it comes to these kinds of things. I promise. There is just something about weddings that enters the core of every girl’s heart, I guess. The love that this long-lasting tradition represents, the forever and always, the feeling of comfort and excitement in knowing you get to spend the rest of your life walking side by side with your best friend, your partner in crime. Call me a hopeless romantic, but in a time where sadly marriage seems like a comical idea, something that is easily replaceable and taken for granted, I still want to believe in true love, in growing old together, in the happy ending.

As a young girl, I would prance around my room and down the hallway, wearing my mom’s pearls and high heels, pretending to marry my prince charming (who usually was Mr. Gruffles, my favorite teddy bear, although sometimes, Squiggles the Tiger got his shot and I have to say, Squiggles looks quite fine in a tux constructed out of construction paper and Duct tape). Even though that was a long time ago and a lot has changed since then, I still find it fun to think of what I would want for my big day; the cake, the venue, the decorations, and of course…the dress. I have been to many a wedding and have seen many a wedding portrayed in movies and television and each are unique and special, each are snapshots in time that celebrate the beautiful union of two people.

Of course there are the over-the-top, crazy extravaganza, fairy tale type weddings that almost seem surreal; from the guest lists to the decorations, the flowers to the cake, everything is done with a bit of pizzazz and a whole lot of “Wow!” Case in point, the recent wedding of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. Do you know that it cost over $10 million buckaroos?! That is craziness! The invitations alone set them back a cool $10,000 not to mention the $6,000 cake, the three dresses Kim wore throughout the evening costing each $20,000 and the $2 million dollar rock that currently resides on her left hand. Whoofta! No need to worry though (I know a lot of you were having heart palpitations on how they were going to pay for all of this): Kim reportedly had most of the wedding donated to her, AND she got a multi-million dollar photo and television deal to boot. I understand she is a celebrity (for what and why exactly, again?) but even so, this seems a bit much. But to each her own, I guess.

There are also weddings that are very creative (do you know you can get married underwater, in space, and on a rollercoaster?), destination weddings, traditional weddings that take place in a gorgeous church or chapel and who could forget the ever popular and elusive Vegas weddings (thank ya, thank ya very much)?

Personally, I have pictured myself having all sorts of types of weddings; some that are pretty out there and some that are more traditional (Although in order for me to actually do any of this, I guess I have to find a groom, huh? I’m now accepting offers and applications if anyone’s interested FYI). One of my favorites involved getting pitched, I mean hitched, at Miller Park. Yes, I know what you all are thinking right now and no, I am not crazy (completely any way). Just picture it:  My dad walking me down the infield from the pitcher’s mound to home plate where my groom would be standing, looking dapper in a suit and jersey. I of course would be adorning a simple dress of blue and gold, tennis shoes on my feet and a veiled baseball cap upon my head. The Pastor, dressed in an umpire’s uniform, would perform the ceremony. The reception would of course include a scrimmage game, dogs and beer, and a giant ice cream sundae bar. At the end of the evening, I would toss my ‘glove bouquet’ over my shoulder, spreading the luck of the next marriage to one of my bridesmaids. What do you think?

Okay, maybe I was overexagerating on some of those ideas but I still think having a baseball wedding would be one heck of a home run

In all honesty, I am as low-key as they come. Although it is fun to think of the over the top and the glamour of it all, what is most important is not where the wedding is, the dress I wear, the food that is served or the party favours that are given; what is important is who I am walking down the aisle towards, the celebration of love and sanctity, and that my friends and family are there to help celebrate with me.

And of course the cake. The cake is very important

Hope you are all having a very great hump day friends!

Question of the day: Crazy theme weddings: Yay or nay?

Friday Funnies

Oh my Honey Bunched of Oats.

Did you guys hear about this?

In this edition of Friday Funnies, I present to you the big Depardieu Boo-boo.

Noted french actor Gerard Depardieu was on a flight this past Tuesday from Paris to Dublin when he got the sudden and apparently immediate urge to, uhh, go. I guess Depardieu had one too many pre-flight cocktails before boarding the plane because not only did fellow passengers describe the G man as more than just slightly in the bag, but his bladder was fuller than the movie theater parking lot opening night of Harry Potter. Right as the plane began to take off, Mr. ‘Pardieu proudly (or not so proudly) announced to the aircraft, “I have to pee! I have to pee!” (or in french “J’ai envie de faire pipi! J’ai envie de faire pipi!”). When the cabin crew politely told the actor to remained seated during takeoff, he proceeded to stand up and ‘faire pipied’ all over the aisle of the plane! His ‘whiz’arding ways delayed the plane for over two hours as the crew had to clean up and sanitize the plane. If I was a passenger on that plane, I would have been pretty p’d off, pardon my french.

There have been many a time where I couldn’t hold it in any longer (don’t they always conveniently seem to happen in the worst of situations). One of the most memorable times happened when I was just a little girl. When I was about four years old, I was fishing with my dad and my grandpa on Lake Wausau. I loved going out with them, even if I didn’t do any fishing, although if I can brag a bit, I was one of the few four-year old girls I knew who could bait and cast her own line (thank you daddy). On this particular trip, both my dad and grandpa had warned me to make sure that I went to the bathroom before we got on the lake because once we got out there, they weren’t coming back in until they were done fishing, whether I needed to or not. I reassured them that I was a-okay and set to go. However, that was before I had gulped down 2 cans of beer, heavy on the root (what can I say, I was, and am still, a huge fan of A&W and I was with the guys so I had to keep up with them, although they were drinking a very different kind of beer). My poor little bladder couldn’t hold all of that liquid and as a result, a mere hour into our fishing trip, I looked at my dad and said, “I gotta go!”

My grandpa always carried a big bucket in his boat for occasions such as these but when he told me that that was my potty de jour, I was horrified! No way was I going to pee in a bucket. I was a lady for gosh sakes. A little lady perhaps, but still a lady. I could hold it. Or at least that was what I kept telling myself over and over again. Just a few more minutes. But with each minute grew the need to go (and trust me, there is nothing worse than riding in a bumpy boat or car when you have to go to the bathroom…you feel everything. And I mean everything). It was not looking good for this girl. I told my dad how embarrassed I was to go in the bucket so he came up with an alternative. What happened next, I am not proud of. It was, and is probably one of the most embarrassing things that has or will ever happen to me. My grandpa trolled the boat over to an empty dock in a pretty remote area of the lake. I dropped my Strawberry Shortcake shorts, my dad picked me up held me over the side of the boat and I went, my feet hovering over the spider-webbed dock. And if that wasn’t enough to make me go into hiding for the rest of my childhood, the people who lived at the house directly behind the dock were privy to the whole thing, witnessing my bad aim as they stood in front of their kitchen window. Needless to say, we high-tailed it on out of there even before my britches were up. Yes, I, Wendi Hansen, peed over the side of a boat. But boy did I feel better afterwards

Now I understand that when you gotta go, you gotta go (which is exactly what I did and why I did it). Really, I do. But Gerard? Buddy. In the plane aisle? Really? That’s just nasty. At least I was on a mostly deserted lake. And I had at least tried to hold it in. And I was four!

Gerard Depardieu later issued an apology for his actions, stating that he was extremely embarrassed and sorry, and that he suffers from prostate problems which was what caused him to ‘relieve’ himself in such a way. Lesson learned Mr. Depardieu so next time, maybe not drink so much before boarding the plane. Or you could always carry with you my grandpa’s bucket. And hey, on the bright side, at least he didn’t, uh, Depardieu number two ;P

Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself.

I’m not the only one who found this pretty funny. Check out reporter Anderson Cooper! Poor guy couldn’t stop the giggles from coming (and I don’t blame him).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SabNnJGw6xo&feature=player_embedded

Have a very funny and great Friday everyone!

Question of the day: Have you ever had a very embarrassing ‘gotta go’ situation?

Fabulous 50!

Wowsas! Can you believe it? I made it to 50, guys (posts that is)! What started out as just a fun, online journal of sorts has really metastasized (great word for all you Scrabble players out there) into something that I really, really, really (x infinity) love to do, something that allows me to connect, share with, and even inspire others.

When I first began this venture into the blogosphere, my intent was, I will admit, kind of selfish one. I have always had a passion, an infatuation if you will, with the written word. I love to write. About anything. Plain and simple.  I started this blog as a platform to do just that. To write. About anything. Plain and simple. I never in a million years would have thought or expected that anyone would actually read about the crazy shenanigans, thoughts, and ideas that consist and make up my day-to-day life.

But I am sooooo very glad that you all did!

Not only am I now writing just to write and give my brain mental push ups every once in a while, but I write because of you. I may not be a (total) genius. I may not have all the answers. I may not be super-rich or have a fancy job with a fancy title. I am not perfect nor am I trying to be.  I am just like you. And you. And you…yeah you, wearing that purple and gold-striped sweater with neon green high-tops (okay, maybe we’re a little different when it comes to fashion…). We are all learning and growing as it goes, taking steps forward (and sometimes steps back), trying new things, meeting new people, experiencing new things. That’s the great thing about life. You never know what’s going to be around the corner; what you are going to do, where you are going to go, or who you are going to meet. That’s what also makes this blog so much fun to write.

The best thing that I could have received in the past 24 years or so of my life are the experiences that help shape me, the memories that ground me, and the relationships that complete me. My only hope is that those of you out there who may or may not be reading this are touched in some way by my words. I hope I can make you smile. I hope I can make you think. I hope I can make you laugh out loud till your stomach hurts (or you end up with abs like the Situation, although hopefully not laugh too loud, especially if you happen to be at work because then you really would have a situation). I hope I can inspire you and maybe bring a little sunshine to your day on an otherwise cloudy and gloomy one (we all have those from time to time). Like I said, I am not an expert by no means. I am just a girl who loves to write and to share with the world why life is so great, even if it is crazy and random and sometimes just plain weird.

I want to thank all of you out there who are reading this right now; it truly means the world. First 50 done, the next 50 coming right up. I promise there is much more to come from this girl :)

I think a celebration is in order!

A toast to 50!

No, not that kind….

Much better. Although…

Now that’s what I call a celebration toast!

I hope you have a great rest of your Wednesday night guys!

P.S. Brewers on right now!! Are you cheering them on? If not, grab yourself a hotdog and cold beverage and get on that! Go crew!

Oofta!

Frazzled? I'm not frazzled. Why? Do I look frazzled?

That is what my brain was saying last night after a long day of job hunting/resume writing/cover letter editing. Even though it seems as if I have been doing this forever and could probably teach a course on how to do these very things (hey…there’s an idea!), it never really gets any easier. Or any more fun. In fact, it sucks lima beans.  Putting yourself out there, basically summing up your professional and personal worth within the confines of three or so paragraphs, and being vulnerable to rejection at any point in time (often more than once) is hard. It can take a toll on a person for sure.

 

Unfortunately, that person was me last night.  Goodness was my mind running a mile a minute; if it was competing in the Boston Marathon, I would have bet my right hand (I’m a lefty so it wouldn’t be that much of a big deal if I was to make an error in my judgement) that it would have left all the other brains in the dust. After a long day of job hunting, I was looking forward to a relaxing night…which for the most part it was. I ended up chatting with one of my dear friends who I hadn’t talked to in quite a while which was nice. I grew up with this amazing girl and even though we now live miles (and states) apart, even though we may go for years without seeing each other, we can pick up right where we left off the last time we talked. I love that! I truly cherish those friendships and am so very lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. After some much-needed and appreciated girl talk, I put on my face paint (okay, not really but I totally thought about it!) and cheered on my Brewers to victory after an incredible game against the Card’s last night. GO BREWERS!! They are making their way to the playoffs one bat swing and double play at a time, I can just feel it…knock on wood of course. Their last game in the series against St. Louis is tonight, just FYI  After a rousing game, I partook in a little post-game celebration: some pretty darn delicious cookies and milk–courtesy of Nabisco and Golden Guernsey thank you very much–watched a little Letterman, brushed the old bicuspids and hit the hay–this girl was beat.

Despite how ready for a good night’s shut-eye I thought I was, my brain however had other motives. As I lay on my comfy and cushioned bed, all I could think of was jobs (or in this case, lack there of). And everything possibly having to do with them. Instead of sugar plums and fairies, all that was dancing in my head were resumes, and job applications, and cover letters oh my! I actually felt my brain writing and rewriting these documents, over and over. I was thinking back to what I had submitted earlier in the day, what I could have done better, what I maybe had forgotten to include, what I could include tomorrow, where I could have looked, where I could look tomorrow. Yikes-a-bee!

I tried reading my current book of the month pick (it’s Sarah’s Key and so far, it is soooo good! I will be sure to post a review of it once I’m done) but found myself reading and rereading the same page over and over. I just couldn’t concentrate. I even tried counting sheep my mine were so busy applying to jobs that they has no time to jump those silly fences. So, on to door number two: I skirted into the living room, flipped on the tube and tried to see if a little mindless channel surfing would dull me into a great sleep. Have you ever watched television at 3 in the am? Boy there are some interesting and prime program options to choose from, let me tell you although I have to say, the Home Shopping Network would probably be my favorite. How can you not be sucked in when a greasy, plaid-wearing, Pee-Wee Herman look-a-like with a mullet is pushing amazing products such as:

 

Fashion forward...or completely backwards?

and this

 

Taking a 'stick' of butter to a whole other level!

and this

 

Spray on hair. Donald Trump, you may want to consider this instead.

and this

 

Why didn't I think of that?

Are there people out there who actually buy this stuff? Oh really? Oops. Although I must say, that forkinator looked pretty darn cool…no pun intended. All that high-quality television viewing must have done the trick because after traipsing back to my room, I was finally able to fall asleep, not a job thought in my head. After a night like last night, I realized maybe I was pushing myself too hard. I usually am not one to stop something unless it is finished–which I have found to be both a good and bad thing–, and that includes this whole job-hunting process. I almost feel guilty if I take a break and do something other than the task at hand. But you know what, a little break now and then is okay. In fact, it is crucial for my sanity. Just like with any muscle, rest is essential to build back up your strength and get ready for the next challenge. From now on, I am officially allotting nap and recess periods for my thinker, a time to rest up and have fun, away from all of the applications, resumes and cover letters.  I might even take my brain on a mini vacation–I hear daydream trips to Tahiti are quite lovely (and cheap) this time of year.

That, or I might just have to splurge and get myself one of those fantabulous forks

I guess what to take away from everything is that balance is key. Working hard to get something or somewhere is great, but too much can set you back, whether that be in terms of your health, your relationships, and even your work. Work hard, but be sure to play just as hard! Life is way too short!

Speaking of which, I am sorry to be so short with this post but my Brewers are hitting the field as we speak and I’ve got a couch and a bowl of popcorn awaiting my arrival.

Have a great night everyone!

Question of the day: Do you ever push yourself too hard when it comes to work or play?

The ‘Oops Wave’

You: Waves hand.

Me: Notices you waving your hand.

You: Smiles and says hi.

Me. Waves my hand back and is about to say “hi” back when…

You: Look at me with the oddest expression on your face.

Me: Realizes (with a face the shade of the Kool Aid man) you were waving your hand not at me, but to the person behind me and are now thinking to yourself ‘Who is that strange girl?’

Awkward duck.

How many times has this happened to you? Embarrassing, no? The absolute worst is when you don’t even know the person who is waving ‘at you’, but you wave back at them because you think that maybe you really do know them but have just forgotten their name, or your too far away from them at the moment to see and recognize them fully, so in order to protect yourself from the embarrassment of not waving back because you forgot who they were, you wave overly enthusiastic like you really do know who they are, when in reality you really don’t, and end up embarrassing yourself because you did wave. Whoofta. I think I need a breather.

What are you supposed to do after you realize that this person wasn’t waving at you, but at someone entirely different? Unfortunately for me, I have found myself in this very situation on multiple occasions (this very morning in fact), always the ‘blind-sided waver-atter’. Fortunately for you, these blush-inducing faux-pas situations have given me some great tips to pass on to you on how to deal with the after math. I have found that depending on the magnitude of the wave (Was it a ‘jump up and down’ wave? A beauty pageant wave? A full-arm jiggle wave?) , the notice-factor (how much did the person see and think that you were waving at them on a scale from 1-10?), location, and even weather, these go-to excuses are a fantastic way to cover up and hide your ‘Oops-I-thought-you-meant-me’ slip-up.

First off, always try to play it cool. Try not to look like you know you misinterpreted the other person’s gesture; they can smell embarrassment a mile away. Smile and at casual. And never. I repeat. NEVER. Under any circumstances, start LOLing silly to yourself while at the same time trying to duck behind the lady walking in front of you who is carrying a small poodle in her purse. It always turns out bad. Not that I have any personal experience with this or anything…

Of course if you are too caught up in the moment to think on your ‘cool-ain’t no thang but a chicken wing’ feet, you could always act like you’re waiving at the person behind them, even going as far as to shout something ridiculous at your imaginary friend like “Hey how’s it going man?”. Note, this only works in a somewhat crowded area; you don’t want the person to turn around and see nothing but his shadow behind him. At that time, he will assume that you have some issue that requires immediate attention. You could also try doing the whole ‘swatting at the invisible fly in front of your face’ act, pull the ‘Boy, it’s hot out here and I need to fan myself down’ card (this is where the weather factor comes into play–doesn’t fare to well in the winter unless you’re abnormally hot all of the time), act like Mr. Suave and pretend you’re geling your hair back John Travolta style–both Grease and Saturday Night Fever will work– and last but not least–and this should be used only as a last resort option–you could jump into the bushes and wait for the person to pass (although make sure it’s not a rose-bush because, well, OUCH!)

Note, no matter which action you do decide to take in these kinds of situations, it will most likely cause some embarrassment, a funny story to tell to your family at the dinner table later that night, and possibly a few scratches (like I said, NOT the rose bushes).

And with that, I wave to you a great rest of your Thursday!

P.S. To the man who waved at me but not at me who I waved back to but not really…”Man, it was hot out and I desperately needed to fan myself off.”

Ya think he bought it?