That is what you make when life gives you lemons…and boy did life ever throw me a barrel of the tart and tangy fruit this week.
As you all know, about 7 months ago, I was given possibly the best news that a girl could ask for…I was given a job (what I thought was my dream job) in a town that I loved. After 3 long years of searching and rejection letters, I finally had done it! I finally had gotten what I had been dreaming about for so very long. I packed my bags, moved half-way across the country, found an uber cute apartment (equipped with my very own “Brewer” room) and began my journey into the working world.
And things had been going great.
They really were.
I loved the people I worked with. I loved what I got to do every day, learning and creating and delving into projects and ideas that I had never delved into before.
I loved it.
That is until this past Monday morning when my boss called me into an empty conference room to talk.
I could tell from the way she handled herself, the way she nonchalantly asked how busy the day was going so far, that it wasn’t going to be a good talk.
This moment is still on constant replay, playing over and over in my mind. She looked at me and said the words that I had never heard before, words that no one ever wants to hear, words that I had never even remotely saw coming…she said, “Wendi, I am sorry but things are just not working out. We are going to have to let you go.”
Let you go.
Kaput. Kapeesh. That’s it.
To say my heart sank would be an understatement. It was Titanic. Complete and utter shock took over me. I was stunned and heart-broken and devastated and scared out of my mind, all at the same time.
I couldn’t believe it. This had to be a dream, a nightmare I was having after a night of too much spicy tai food. Yeah. That’s it. It was all just a dream. Sadly however, this was no dream. My once perfect job, the thing I had prayed and worked so hard for, for so long, was taken from me. Just like that. Without any warning. Without any notice. Just, taken. I was told that although I had done a lot of great things for the company and had been progressing, I just wasn’t progressing fast enough. Of course the first thought that popped into my head was, “Wendi, you failed. You didn’t live up to your expectations or those of your boss and the company. This is your fault.” I thought about what my parents would think of me. I thought about what my friends would say. I have never failed, at anything in my life, so this for me was a pretty hard pill to swallow. To know that you didn’t do your best at something is such a terrible thing to feel. I got pretty down on myself that Monday, but after I allowed for my new reality to sink in, after I talked with my family and friends, and some of my very kind and sweet co-workers who I left behind, I kind of had a moment of clarity.
There are things in life that just don’t make sense, things you can’t control. Either I could fall prey to the negativity and sadness, becoming paralyzed in a hole I couldn’t dig myself out of…or I could fight. I could take this and use is as fuel to press on to brighter things.
Looking back on the past 7 months, I realized that I did do a good job. A great job in fact. I was an excellent employee. I went above and beyond my jurisdiction to help others when they needed it. I loved what I did and I learned so much, not only about design and writing and marketing, but about myself. I learned what I truly am passionate about, what my talents are, and most importantly, how to not let what others may think of me determine what I think of myself. That to me is the antithesis of failure. I still don’t understand why exactly I was let go, nor do I think I ever will. But you know what, it doesn’t matter because I can’t change what I happened, I can only learn from it and move on. I believe that everything happens for a reason. God has some major stuff up his sleeve for me and even though I am chomping on the bit in anticipation of discovering what that it, for now, I will go on with my life. Like Tigger, I will bounce back from this little drop in the bucket, this little bump in the road, and I will move forward. I can’t change what happened in the past, but I most certainly can determine what will happen from here on out. A good friend of mine said to me that he didn’t believe in ‘blessings in disguise’. He said that the blessing was in how we can find the silver lining in something, even thought it may not be as visible to us as we would like. Very wise, that Chris is I couldn’t agree more.
So now what?
I wish I could tell you I knew for certain. For the first time in my life, I don’t really have a plan (and for a girl who usually always does, this is kind of new territory, let me tell you). I am not sure of what tomorrow may bring but you know what, I am kind of excited about that. I can start from scratch. I can find what I am excited about, what I am passionate about and go after it. There’s nothing stopping me. The world is my oyster in a half shell (or is that turtle in a half-shell?). No matter what is in my shell, I am certain that it will lead me to even greater and better things.
With a lot of faith and a lot of prayer, I begin this next chapter in my life. Am I scared? You betcha. Am I excited? Absolutely! I am a fighter and this is one fight I do not plan on losing.
Question of the day: Have you ever failed at anything? What did you do to combat those negative thoughts?