For the love of Peter Pan…IT’S A FOOD BABY!

Hey friends!

So…

funny story.

When I was at work today, I was asked the one most taboo-no-no-off limits-what are you thinking-have you been sniffing paint again-question. The one question that you, me and the next guy or gal must never, ever, neverevernever ask someone. Like, ever.

A woman came through my line at Tarjay, her cart full of beef jerky, apple sauce, toilet paper and duct tape. I always get a kick out of some of the combinations of items that guests purchase. There was once a man who had, and I am not joking, three 1 gallon jars of hot sauce and four giant bags of marshmallows. A new spicy take on the s’more perhaps?

This particular woman looked to be in her thirties, give or take a few years and seemed very nice. We were making small talk (“Can you believe how nice it is outside?!” “Are you going to watch the Oscars tonight? That Bradley Cooper is one fine piece of actor is I ever did see one, isn’t he?”) and everything was going along swimmingly until these words escaped her mouth…

“I hope I don’t offend you, butt…”

Now. Anytime this phrase is uttered, one can assume that nothing good can come from it. In fact, you can almost guarantee that you will be offended in some shape or form. This was no exception, however what this woman would eventually ask I never in a million bajillion years saw coming.

“I hope I don’t offend you, butt are you pregnant, miss?”

PREGNANT?!?!?!

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

I stood there. Just stood there.

Unless I pulled a Mary Magdalene, then yup. I am sure.

At first I wasn’t sure if I heard her correctly. She didn’t just ask that question, right? Anyone who’s anyone knows NOT to ever ask that question.If anyone knows that unspoken cardinal rule, it would be a fellow woman, right?!

The woman didn’t waste a lot of time before she followed up with, “You have such a cute little belly. And you’re positively glowing!”

PREGNANT?!?!

WHAT?!?!?!

I looked at the woman and said very calmly (or as calm as I could), “No ma’am. I am not pregnant.” I could feel my face turn a shade of scarlet red, my palms started sweating and I think I may have sprouted my very first gray hair. The woman of course apologized for implying such a thing and seemed to be pretty embarrassed by the whole thing.

At that moment a Rolodex of comebacks spun through my head, things I wanted to say, should have said but probably would have gotten me fired. For example:

“Cute little belly?! It’s called a food baby, lady!”

“No, I am not pregnant. Are you?”

“Willy Nelson called. He wants his mustache back!” *Note: This lady did have the biggest, fuzziest caterpillar of an eyebrow (just one. A big ‘ol uni) that I ever did see! It was actually quite impressive

Oy.

The whole situation was pretty funny, but you know what was even more so? The fact that I didn’t allow her comment to make me feel bad. Not at all. Before, I might would have took that as a sign that I was the word that shall not be named. No. Not Voldermort, but a word that is equally as negative. The “F” word. FAT.

Sure I have a little more padding on my bones now. I have a bit more junk in the trunk and a little pudge around the middle. But you want to something else? I am strong and healthy, and am able to run and bike and swim and wrestle with my dog. I eat what I want, when I want it simply because I can. Because this body needs and wants those yummy and delicious nutrients (whether they come from Mega Stuffed Oreos–HAVE YOU SEEN THESE HEAVENLY COOKIES?! A unnecessary necessity for sure!–or green beans). And that glow? Well I think that stems from pure happiness.

I may have a food baby belly, but gosh darn it all to Reese’s Pieces, I earned that food baby belly! And you know what else…..

WHO CARES?!

Not this gal! And nor should you. Or you. Or you. We all have those days where our hair will not cooperate whatsoever even after a bottle of hair spray and our clothes fit a bit too snug. We all have our flaws (caterpillar mustache eyebrow included),  but those flaws are what makes you and you and you unique. We should embrace them, not hide them or be ashamed of them!

And we all should feel free to eat a big breakfast or lunch or dinner (or brunch or linner or lupper) and let that food baby hang out, baby! Just let it out! (Wow. That sounded better in my head but a tad weird in writing, no?)

But promise me one thing, k?

Neverevernever ask that question. Like, ever!

I hope you guys have a great rest of your night. I fully intend on planting myself on the couch with a big bowl of ice cream (after all, I am “eating for two” now) and geeking out to all three hours of Oscar mayhem! Helllloooo Bradley Cooper

Question of the day:

Have you ever been asked an equally embarrassing question? Have you ever asked an embarrassing question?

My New Year’s Wish

As we approach the end of 2012 and embark on a new year, a fresh start, a grand beginning, I have one final parting thought for all of you….

Every new year people make resolutions to change aspects of themselves they believe are negative. A majority of people revert back to how they were before and feel like failures. This year I challenge you to a new resolution. I challenge you to just be yourself.

New Years to many is the prelude to second chances, new beginnings and fresh starts. If you think about it, that is what life is all about isn’t. But why wait until December 31st of  every year’s end to challenge yourself to new experiences, opportunities and goals? In the same respect, why pressure yourself to do things that you don’t think you are ready for or even need to do?

Instead of focusing on the negatives, think of the positives; all of the exciting things, wonderful things, things that will make you happy and fulfilled in the new year to come. And once you have thought of those things, go after them! Don’t hold back! But most importantly, DO NOT feel badly if you don’t accomplish them right away or even at all.

The major lesson that I have learned this year is that when you are ready to do something, when God is ready for you do do something, you will. It took me nearly ten years of my life, 10 YEARS, to finally be “ready” to kick my roommate, my eating disorder to the curb once and for all. I struggled for so long, fought and battled and raged war on ED, often feeling defeated or even hopeless that the day when I would be healthy and happy and ED-free would ever come.

But you know what?

That day came!

It finally came!!!

2012 was a year of victory, of accomplishment, of triumph and opportunity. It was a year that I kicked some serious ED ass (pardon my French). It was a year that I finally began to live. I took off my foggy glasses, tore the chains from my hands and lifted that ginormous boulder from the top of my shoulders. It wasn’t easy by any means; in fact, it probably was one of the hardest years of my life, but it was because of that struggle, that fight and that war that I am where I am today, this December 31st, 2012 a whole new gal!

A gal who isn’t afraid to go to town on a giant burger and fries.

A gal who doesn’t stress about the size of her pants.

A gal who appreciates every waking moment for what it is, not what it could be or was.

In this thing called life, there are no definite rules; we can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of. And if by some chance you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again until you do.

Happy New Year friends!

Let’s make it great!

No, let’s make it the greatest!

Thank you to all of you, my dearest friends and family for being my rocks, my inspirations, my hope and my strength. This year wouldn’t have been what it was without all of you!!

Mayan’s Shmyans

Hey guys!

Happy Sunday Funday to you all! I hope you had an absolutely fantabulous weekend…

…as it is the last weekend you, me and the rest of the world will ever, ever have.

That is of course if you believe what the Mayan’s predicted over 5,000 years ago.

So what is all the hubub all about? According to “experts”, the people of this ancient civilization were very smart–they had knowledge and wisdom beyond their time. The Mayan calendar is actually based on advanced astronomical knowledge – the ancient Mayans studied the stars and were extremely proficient mathematicians. They constructed the calendar based off of this knowledge; it was made up of 394 year periods with a total of 13 cycles included. The significance of December 21^st, 2012 is that it marks the end of the thirteenth cycle, or, as some believe, the end of the world. How this “end” will occur they did not know for certain, but many believe that it would involve asteroids, crazy weather/climate changes and of course Hostess filling for bankruptcy, leading them to sell off all their assets including my beloved Twinkie, which was said to survive a nuclear holocaust (and confirmed by an early Y2K Family Guy episode).

Wait.

Hostess DID file for bankruptcy.

So, Twinkies, which were supposed to survive a nuclear holocaust, die 3 weeks before the end of the world?! Well played, Mayans. Well played.

I don’t believe a wink of this silly prediction. In fact, news reports claimed today that archeologists have found a new Mayan calendar that refute the world’s end in 5 days, saying now that the world will actually exist for 7,000 more years. You what that means, don’t you? Cubs fans will now be witness to 7,104 years without a World Series win.

No, I don’t believe the world will end on December 21st (how can it?! I haven’t yet invented a cure for folding fitted sheets and Zoolander 2 hasn’t come out yet) but it did get me to think a little bit…

How would I want to spend the last five days of my existence? Would I do anything differently?

Well, hypothetically speaking of course, there are maybe a few things that I would like to do.

For example, I would eat ice cream for breakfast (and lunch and maybe dinner); sprinkles, whipped cream, hot fudge, cookie dough and a cherry on top…the whole nine yards. Trying to knock off a whole bucket list in a mere 5 days would be a bit difficult to do, but you can bet your Christmas tree that  I would do everything I could to do so: skydive, visit Italy, throw out the first pitch at a Brewer’s game, learn how to finally do the Gangnam Style dance (the words included), publish my book, kiss on the Eiffel Tower and be a contestant on Wheel of Fortune (to name a few). Easy, right? I would also spend every moment I could with my closest friends, family, and dog. I would quit my job, sell the belongings and material things I don’t need and give the money to people who are not as fortunate as me, re-re-re-re-reread my favorite book (s), and finally tell that one special guy how I feel about him.

Wow.

There are really a lot of things that I want to do, so much of my life that I haven’t yet lived. You know what, just because the Mayans may have goofed on their prediction of the end of the world doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t try to do these things anyway, right? As the horrible events of last week in Connecticut have shown, there is only one person, the big guy upstairs (no, not Santa, the other big guy) who knows what tomorrow will bring. Why should we hold on to these dreams, these goals, experiences and bucket list items? Why not, and go with me on this, why not start right now truly living our everydays and nights as if the world were to really end? Make the most of what we have, when we have it.

If that means quitting your job to do something you love instead, extending a helping hand to someone who needs it, spending more time with your family and friends and eating ice cream for breakfast? Well, I say GO FOR IT!

Woofta! Good thing the world isn’t ending, huh?

Have a great rest of your night everybody!

Start living. Don’t wait. Do it now!

Question of the day:

What do you think of the Mayan’s prediction?

What would you do if the world really were to end in five days?

Going with the “Flo”

Hey guys!

So I’ve got a question for ya…

Do you ever feel like you are just going with the flo?

No, not that Flo, silly billy.

Although can I just say…I NEED a pair of those slippers! And how dare that squirrel steal from that poor, poor chipmunk family. Justice indeed, Flo. Justice indeed.

Actually, the “flo” I am referring to is that certain feeling of being stuck in a rut, just kind of going through the motions of the ocean without stopping to smell the roses. WOW that was a lot of different analogies to throw at you all at once. And they all completely, 110% made sense, right?

Yikes. I am going to apologize in advance for this post and the many, many brain farts that are sure to ensue. That is part of the reason I am bringing my girl Flo into this conversation. Don’t get me wrong; I am having a blast at work and am LOVING school! In fact, I just got back my grades for two major papers, the very first major papers of my grad school career, and kicked both of their, pardon my French, asses! I was a bit shocked; I didn’t know quite what to expect, seeing as the Master’s program is a whole other ballgame from my college days. You can imagine how excited I was (there may or may not have been some serious M.C. Hammer happy dancing going on in my house, and that was just the dog).

While I love school, I think that sometimes I put too much emphasis on grades and how well I do. I had the same problem when I was in college; I was so focused on doing my best (and in my mind, “best” equaled “4.0 or bust”) that I really missed out on the whole college experience a bit. As you all know, I am a slight perfectionist.

Okay. I am a HUGE perfectionist. The biggest. And while I have come a long way from where I used to be in that area (A LOOOONNNNGGGG WAY), not putting so much pressure on myself and throwing myself a bone ever once in a while, which we should all do, I still have this inner-need to do well, to tackle it all. I like challenging myself, stretching my boundaries and knowing that at the end of the day, I accomplished all that I set out to do and then some.

What have I always preached to you guys over and over? Moderation is key. Except when it comes to ice cream and in that case, just go ahead and throw away the key because you all know you can never have too much of the cold and creamy deliciousness that is Rocky Road or Cookies and Cream.

While all of these attributes are great to have, even commendable,  they can prove to be detrimental if used to excess. Case in point: the current runt that I have fallen into. For the last few weeks, it seems like all I do is homework, work, read my text books/take notes, work, take a test, work. I realize that this time last year, I was begging for this ‘busy-ness”, this sense of doing something and being productive. And I also realize that jam-packed days and long nights come with the territory of being an employed full-time student. What I need to start realizing however that just because I am doing those things, doesn’t mean I have to let it consume my life.

I cannot just sit back and let life pass me by, gosh darn it. Instead of just going with the flow, I have to start directing it. That may mean setting a time limit for school work during the day, politely declining to cover nonscheduled shifts at work if I just don’t have the time (that is going to be a toughy for me because I HATE saying no) and calandaring in “Me” time at least once a week (sitting down to read a non-text book book, hanging out with friends, watching trashy TV, going out for ice cream, etc.).

I know I have said before how important it is to not carried away with the small things in life, the things like work, grades and money that at the end of the day, won’t mean a peanut butter covered pickle in the grand schemes of things. And I know that I have struggled to follow my own advice in doing so, but I don’t want to take for granted another missed opportunity to really enjoy life.

Let’s all pinky promise that we will stop and smell the roses as often as we can. Just maybe not the ones in Mrs. Habersham’s front yard lest you want to face the wrath of her garden hose. (I’m sorry Mrs. Habersham).

So what do you say?!

Are you with me?!

Questions of the day:

Have any of you ever been perfectionists?

Do you have a hard time balancing work/school/fun time?

What kinds of things do you like to do to chillax?

It’s ALIVE!!!!

Holy moly, goodness gracious, me-oh-my and  giant apple pie….

I AM SO SORRY FOR BEING GONE FOR SOOOOOO LONG!!!!!!!

Let’s see…since we’ve last chatted, I dyed my hair bright pink. And won the lottery. And got engaged. To a prince. And  am moving to the little known country of Chocolatestan where there are trees of Reeses and Snickers every where you look.

Sorry. I couldn’t resist. I WISH that were true. With the exception of the pink hair thing–I would totes go more of a purple or blue hue

I have been meaning to sit down and say hello, update you on what is a happenin’ in my life but every time I get a second to sit down, I usually fall asleep within a matter of seconds.

Yes, I am that exciting.

As my buddy-o-pal Melanie reminded me tonight, I haven’t been as great about keeping up with my blog as I promised.

MAJOR oops on my part. I didn’t realize how intense trying to juggle grad school, work AND my internship would be. Don’t get me wrong, I am LOVING every minute, every second of it–I am learning so much and am having an absolute blast, but it is A LOT of work. A LOT. After coming home from work and the library interning it up, writing 25-page papers (25 page papers?! I know, right?!), reading, test-taking and preparing for midterms, I honestly have just enough time to breath. Barely.

I know that is no excuse and I swear that I will be back at it ASAP, recounting you with my crazy and silly  shenanigans–boy do I have some doozies to share with y’all. I finally have got my student-sea legs back and will be back on here as soon as you can say, and spell, SUPERCALAFRAGILISTICEXPIELADOCIOUS (totally guessing on that way). You’ll be so sick of me, you’ll be wishing I was back with my head burried in a book.

The truth is, I miss you guys and think about you often.

I hope you all are doing tremendously well, are kicking some major bootay in work/school/life in general like I know you can and are having fun.

And, I hope you had a nice vacation from yours truly because I’m back baby!

Have a wonderful rest of your night and an even better tomorrow

Question of the day:

HOW ARE YOU? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO? TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!!!

 

Is it me or is it a bit drafty in here?

Oy.

How many in the class have ever realized after the work day was over, school was let out or you had just gotten home from seeing friends or running errands that in the hustle and bustle of getting dressed that morning, you had forgotten just one teeny, weeny detail…

To shut the barn door.

Close the fly.

You forgot to zip up.

My hand is raising the roof as we speak.

When I was in third grade, my third grade teacher Ms. Zamzow asked me to become a part of my elementary school’s (shout out to the Maine Lions!) Book Bowl team. Book Bowl, if you aren’t quite familiar, is basically like book Jeopardy, with teams competing against each other for who knows the most about the selection of books that we were given to read. The types of questions asked varied, everything from the plot lines and character schemas to the settings, vocab and basic understanding of the themes and lessons found in each book.

Of course I jumped at the chance to participate in something as awesome as this. I mean, spending time after school–and on competition days, DURING school, just chillaxin’ with fellow booknerds like myself, reading awesome books, discussing them and then kicking other team’s booties in the process? Oh, and did I mention the plethora of pizza and ice cream sundae parties that we had as well? Book worms need our energy after all

What could be better?! Book Bowl was awesome. So awesome that I ended up competing for three years. when I was in fifth grade, my last year as a bonified Book Bowl competitor, we made it to the Regional Competition, the World Series if you will of all book competitions. My team had worked hard all year and we had finally made it! That big ‘ol Golden Book trophy was ours for the taking. It was nearing the end of the final round and the last two teams had to nominate two members to stand up and answer the last and deciding question. This was it. All that stood between my team’s trophy and Maine Lion pride (pun intended) was Shelby Voight from Lincoln Elementary. I SO had this.

Both of us stood up in front of all the other teams, our coaches and our fans (hi mom and dad), and were asked the last question: “How do we think the moral implications of The Giver would affect us today?”

Not a simple question to be sure, but I was confident in my answer. I stood up proudly, gave a riveting (to say the least) response and waited for the judge’s reaction with bated breath. I looked at Ms. Zamzow, my team, and lastly my mom and dad in the audience and couldn’t have felt more proud of what we had accomplished, no matter what the final outcome was. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that my mom was trying to say something to me, pointing in my direction. At the time, I thought she was just wishing me luck, letting me know not to worry. How I wish looking back that I paid a bit more attention.

The judges finally had the results and by a score of 29 – 25, the Maine Lions had just become the Regional Book Bowl Champs (cue the Queen song). I was on cloud nine, having just helped my team win the championship but that was to be short-lived. My mom and dad came up to me, hugs and high fives all around but then my mom quickly and quietly took me aside and said the words that sent me running for the hills, actually, the little girl’s room…

“Honey, I tried telling you earlier but your fly is open.”

Oy.

I hightailed it quicker than the road runner to the bathroom, my face comparable to the likes of Sebastian the lobster. I was so embarrassed.  It wasn’t as if my zipper was just down a notch or two or my shirt was long enough to cover up my major fashion faux pas.

Oh no. It was all of the down. The door was all of the open. And I was all of the all of the mortified. Here I was standing up in front of a gymnasium full of people, totally oblivious to the fact that my polka-dotted underroos were for all to see. I swore that after that horrifying incident, I would never, EVER forget to zip. Ever.

Yeah…I wish I could say I made good on that promise.

I don’t know what it is about zippering up that is so incredibly hard for me to do? I mean, it’s not exactly rocket science is it? And it’s not as if it takes forever and a day to accomplish, right? I should say that usually I’m pretty good about remembering to close the barn door, and on the rare occasion when I do forget, I most often quickly realize it before too much damage is done. But there are those days, days like yesterday, where I don’t.

I was on the last leg of my shift at Tarjay and had a pretty darn good day. My boss bought everyone free frappaccinos from Starbucks, I had got the credit record for the day and was even proposed to! The oh so cute little man in his Spiderman t-shirt walked right up to me, offered me his grape Ring Pop and asked if I wanted to marry him. If he had only chosen the cherry instead, I would have actually considered taking the little superhero up on his offer. All in all, it was an awesome day.

Until I was sitting in my car getting ready to leave and noticed that my darn fly was open. My first thought: crap. I forgot again? Really, Wendi?! Are you two years old?! In fact, most two-year olds I know probably know how to get dressed properly. My second thought: I worked for six hours like this. SIX HOURS! All those poor customers and my fellow coworkers had to endure my draftiness. My third thought: If all those poor customers and fellow co-workers knew, why didn’t they say something? My fourth thought? Could I have said something if I was in their Chuck Taylor shoes?

What is the proper etiquette when it comes to letting someone know that they had slipped on their zips? Had something in their teeth? Had toilet paper on their shoe?

Thinking about it, that is probably by far one of the most awkward situations you can find yourself in, even more awkward than being the one who slipped on their zips, had spinach in their teeth or had TP on their shoe. You want to let the person know about their ‘Oops’ so that they can prevent their own Book Bowl moment, but at the same time, how in the world do you go about saying something like that, especially if it involves said person’s crotch area (uhh…why were you looking in that direction in the first place?).

I would love to know your thoughts!

As for me, I have learned my lesson. I, Wendi Hansen, hereby promise to never, ever NOT forget to shut the barn door, close the fly and up my zip ever again.

I’ve got ten dollars saying I last a week.

Have a great rest of your hump day, guys!

Question of the day:

Have you ever slipped on your zips?

Do you let people know about their ‘Oops’ moments? If so, how?!

 

 

 

 

 

Sweet and Salty Sodi[yum]

There was a time when I had convinced myself that I had the body of a 95-year-old portly man.

Accordingly, I made an earnest effort to stay away from foods with too much cholesterol, sodium, etc. Because, ya know, I obvies had to take care of my high blood pressure and cholesterol.

Except I didn’t. Not at all, in fact.

Every time I would go to the doctors for a check up and to get blood work done, my results almost always came back negativo on both of those counts-I actually had low blood pressure and low sodium levels. Go figure.

I guess that’s what staying away from any processed foods and eating an abundance of fruits, veggies, and boring, boring, Boring with a capital B food will do to you.

Of course, eating such “natural” foods is “healthy” in theory, but what is that I’m always telling you, friends?

Moderation. Moderation. Moderation.

No, a diet consisting primarily of frozen meals and fatty meats isn’t ideal. The same goes for hitting up the local McD’s or T-Bell for breakfast, lunch and dinner (although trust me, if I had my way, I could LIVE at Culver’s! Butterburgers and fries and shakes oh my!)

But neither is a diet consisting primarily of all natural unprocessed raw foods. I serve as the perfect example of that. My blood work actually showed that I had become “unhealthy” by being “too healthy”. Sweet salty irony, huh?

As a result of my sodium deficiency, my doctor asked me to increase my salt intake a tad. Initially I wasn’t as excited as I would have been if, say, my sugar levels were low. Cupcake diet? I’m down. But sodium? Meh. My avid sweet tooth wasn’t thrilled.

That was, until I gave salt a fair chance. I started to incorporate little by little plenty of sodi[yummy] foods.

Cheetos are like two treats in one. You eat them and then you get to lick your delicious orange and powdery fingers! What’s better than that?

I do like my weiners.

It’s a sad day in the Wendi house when I lick that last ounce of white chocolate peanut butter out of the jar. That is why I PREVENT this from happening by always having a stock of at least 4 jars in the pantry. Best. EVER!

Trail mix maddness

White chocolate covered pretzels. Ob.Sessed

And you know what?

I couldn’t believe how much I had been depriving my taste buds like crazy with all of the brown rice, unseasoned chicken, reduced sodium soups, crackers, chips and cookies I had been using. Sounds tasty, right? Yeah…not so much. And for what? To combat high cholesterol and high blood pressure? How can I combat something I don’t have?

I think I tend to do this a lot. I take preventative measures to avoid negative outcomes rather than just letting life happen. Low sugar and low sodium products are intended for people who are can’t tolerate them or need to eliminate them from their diet, not for people to consume in order to avoid maybe possibly by chance having slightly high sodium levels or cholesterol.

And what if I did? What if I went overboard on that whole “sodium reintegration” thing and ended up having high sodium levels?

{ Not likely, but we’re speaking in theory. }

Then what?

Oh, okay. I reduce my sodium intake a bit.

Because, guess what? Nothing in life is permanent.

We always have the flexibility to make changes or alterations to work in accordance with our current state. If it’s extra hot outside one day, perhaps we need to drink more water than we would if, say, it were 20 degrees cooler. That’s life. Living in the present and doing what our bodies need at that point. Not drinking 5 gallons of water every day to avoid potential deydration on a really hot afternoon.

When I was in high school and college, I was so obsessed with burying my head in my text books, camping out at the library doing my classwork (that wasn’t even assigned yet!) just in case my professor did indeed give us that term paper to write or research project to complete so I would be prepared. I would be ahead of the game. How nerdy is that?! The nerdiest!! The irony in this was that by taking super silly class preventative measures, being the uber student, it really was, in turn, preventing me from having any fun.

These are kind of poor examples, but do you get where I’m doing with this?

Basically, live in the moment.

Do what you want.

Live your life.

And if, in turn, problems arise – cross that bridge when you come to it. But don’t avoid the bridge all together. Where’s the fun in that?

Hot Pockets…I never thought I could blabber so much about salt, of all things.

Hope you have a great Tuesday guys.

And remember.

Try to stop worrying about the future (so much), and instead live in the moment.

Live in your todays, not your tomorrows.

I will if you will

Questions of the day:

What are your thoughts on preventative measures?

Are there any specific food groups or ‘additive’ that you tend to shy away from for no other reason than you think they’re bad for you?

 

Docs, Locks and Mellow Mushrooms

Hey guys! Long time, no chat.

I am so sorry I have been MIA for the last few days, but things over here at This, That and the Other Thang have been busy, busy, busy. But before I fill you on what’s been a happenin’ in my life, I want to know how you all have been? What have y’all been up to lately?

Go on any fun summer road trips or vacations?

See any bands are movies? For those who have seen the latest Batman flick, is it as tote’s amazing as they’re saying it is? I’m wondering whether or not to sneak in some Twizzlers and M&M’s in my purse and go see it this weekend.

Get brain freeze on any new ice cream discoveries? If not, you MUST go out and get yourself a pint of this delicious goodness. I am telling you–heaven on a spoon, or if you’re like me, a giant soup ladle (ultimate ice cream scoopage capabilities to the max!).

Get locked out of your own house for almost two hours and had to end up calling a locksmith at midnight to come and let you in for a small fee of $210 buck-a-roos?

No? Hmm…maybe that was just me

Here’s just a quick wrap up of the shenanigans yours truly has been getting into recently…

Monday

•  I accepted a job at my old stomping grounds, and also one of my most favorite stores EVER, Target. Or as they say in French, Target. It’s just a part-time gig but it will be nice to have something to help me start paying for all of these lovely, and quite expensive, graduate school text books I will be purchasing in the next month or so. I also got exciting news; I was asked to come in for an interview next week with North Georgia University for the Library Assistant position I applied for. I’m crossing my fingers and toes that I do well and they, as Sally Field once said, “really, really like me!” Wish me luck
• Later that day, I high-tailed it down to Warner Robins, GA where I picked up my mom and continued on our way a bit more south to Valdosta, GA where we were going to visit my sister. The poor thing had to have minor liposcopy surgery the following day and we wanted to be there to hold her hand as she went into the OR, help her get back on her feet, make sure she was A-okay and of course, make fun of her post-surgery anastesia stupor. Kidding
• Went out with the gang that night and ate some good, and VERY authentic mexican food. I’m talking beef-tongue- and-tripe-menu-appearance-making authentic. I stuck with a little less scary chicken tacos which were pretty tasty and for dessert…this glorious cup of goodness.
• Most awkward-turtle moment of the day by far: Part of being hired at Target is agreeing to a drug test and background check within 24 hours of the offer, which I am totally okay with. Before I hit the road, I had to do the pee-in-the-cup deed at one of the walk-in clinics in town. I met with the doctor prior to going in where he got my information and filled out the necessary paperwork. He noticed I had an accent and asked where I was from. I told him I was a Yankee from Wisconsin and found out that he had a brother who once lived in Madison and was, and is, a cheesehead Packer backer. How cool is that?! Yeahhh budddy!  The awkward moment came when I went in to, ah, go. he told me NOT to flush when I was done, which I didn’t. But I SO wish I could have because not only did I have to do #1, #2 wanted to get in on some of that action as well. I felt my face turning a brilliant shade of rouge as I stepped out and handed the doctor my cup, having to apologize for the extra ‘gift’ I left him in the bowl. SO EMBARRASSING!!!  Oy vey.

Tuesday

•  Early Tuesday morning, I woke up and hit the pool at my sister’s apartment complex, got happily chlorinated with a quick 60 laps, and enjoyed a bit of sun. After grabbing a quick bite to eat, my mom, sister and I made our way to the hospital for Lindsay’s surgery. I have got to say, my sister is one of the bravest people I know. She went in ready to take care of business. Was she a bit scared? Of course, as anyone would be who is going to have a team of doctors and nurses playing Operation on your insides would be. But she was strong, she had a sense of humor about everything, and she was optimistic. Just one of the things I love SO much about her.
• The day was full of being shuffled from one waiting room to anther where we did a lot of waiting. And a little bit of waiting. And then to change things up a bit, we waited some more. Isn’t funny how hospitals really are a set of rooms where you go to pass the time between traveling between other waiting rooms?
• My sister came out of surgery AMAZINGLY! She was such a trooper, a little sore, a LOT loopy on medicine, but so glad to be done and going home and even more so, glad she could finally eat something! All she could think of before going in were the Olive Garden breadsticks she was going to devour once she was done. Silly girl.
• Most awkward-turtle moment of the day by far: We bought Lindsay a stuffed animal puppy to give to her after she got out of surgery. it was the cutest and most soft little fellow I had ever seen and knew that she would love it, which she did. before giving it to her, I decided to put it into my purse, its little head and front paws sticking out of the top. Think the Paris Hilton and her ankle-biting, pooch-carrying fad she created years ago. Let me tell you…the looks that I got from both patients and doctors/nurses at the hospital as I walked around with furry little Yodler in my bag. I sure hope she realizes the dog’s not real. It’s not real, right? 

Wednesday

• After starting the day off right with another pool party and sun session, my mom, sister and I did some major chillaxin’ and had good ‘ol quality girl time. It was oh so nice just hanging out with them and spending time together. Being apart from these two, I really appreciate the time we do get to spend together. I miss that.
• Later that afternoon, we said our goodbyes to miss Lindsay and made our way back home. Before I parted ways with my mom and dad, we all went out to dinner and got our munchies on at one of my favorite places, Mellow Mushroom. After filling my belly and chatting duking it out with a Braves fan sitting next to us who was adamant his team was far more superior than my Brewers (puh-lease mister.), I headed on home myself.
• Most awkward-turtle moment of the day by far: Coming home to a locked house. Which in any normal case is a good thing. Except when you are outside without the key. I had one of my friends look after Thunder while I was away. I gave them my house key so she could get in/out and kept the garage door opener for myself so that I could do the same. Before my friend left earlier that night, she locked all of the doors, including the door from the garage to the kitchen, the one I was to use to get in, and left my house key on the kitchen table. I don’t blame her because she didn’t know I didn’t have a key. Oh wwelll. Lesson (s) learned fo sho! One, ALWAYS HAVE A KEY WITH ME. And two, I have GOT to teach my dog how to unlock doors

So that, in a locked nutshell, is what has been going on in my neck of the woods the past week.

I hope you all are having a great Thursday, friends!

Only one more day till the weekend

Questions of the day:

Have you ever had to have surgery?

What was your most awkward-turtle moment of the week?

Control, ALT, DELETE.

I think the world is a pretty darn amazing place.

But if I were given the chance to press the DELETE button on a couple of things to make it an even more amazing place than it already is, I would…

• Say sayonara to the Biebs. I know he allegedly has the voice of an angel (a girl angel maybe, but an angel nonetheless–allegedly), the hair of Adonis and has more influence (and Twitter followers) than the President of the United States, but ‘baby, baby, baby oh’ I can’t take no mo’.
• Gas prices. I mean, c’mon!
• The ‘Back to School’ displays appearing everywhere. When I was a wee one, these signs sent me into complete panic mode. It meant that the days of swimming pools and sleepovers, staying up late and utter freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted were on their way to becoming a thing of the past, a distant memory clouded in piles of homework and scarily set alarm clocks. Summer can’t be half-way over already, can it?!
• Spiders. Creepy. Crawly. Hairy and scary little buggers. I think it was Edwin Starr who once said, “War Spiders, oouh. What are they good for? Absolutely nothing, say it again…”. Okay. I know they are good for things like eating mosquitos and blah, blah, blah, but holy EEK, Batman!! Or should I say Spiderman?

But perhaps one of the most important things that I would rid the world of are labels.

Labels on how we should look, what we should eat, where we should work/what our careers should be, who we should love, how rich or poor we are.

He’s such a geek. Can you believe she’s just a janitor? They live there??

Labels. They suck. Honestly. Can you imagine a world in which there were none of these stigmas, these superficial and empty and not-at-all important preconceived boxes that we put others and ourselves in? Can you just imagine?

It would be awesome! People would start to see themselves, their friends and family and complete strangers for who they are and not what they should or shouldn’t be. We would start to define ourselves and others not by what fancy shmancy car they drive or how thin they are, but by things like how kind and generous and smart they are. We would appreciate more and take for granted less.

We spend so much time focused and worried about how others perceive us, trying desperately to do anything to fit into that ‘box’ that others have subscribed to us–I have been guilty of this myself in the past, living as a label and not as an individual with uniquenesses and crazy cool differences. We place unbelievably high and somewhat ridiculous expectations on ourselves and others, not afraid to put others down in the process to achieve that perfect label. Equality and acceptance is often times thrown out the window which results in a lot of hurt and lot of pain.

I  don’t know. Maybe I’m an optimist. (p.s. I initially typed “optometrist”. Maybe I’m one of those too). But I firmly believe that if all of those gosh darn labels were thrown out with tomorrows trash, the world would change, one DELETED label at a time.

So I ask you…can you imagine a world without labels?

Baby, baby, baby ohhh I sure can

Question of the day: If you could rid the world of one thing (or things) what would they be?

I just named a few things off of the top of my head, but I would also be sure to add to my list: cancer, B.O., and mayonnaise (gross).

Lessons From a RomCom

Hey guys!

I hope you’re all having a great Monday and are staying cool (or at least trying too)! This past weekend, I spent a lot of time inside the comfort of my A/C’d abode–being stuck inside on a sunny summer day is almost too sacrilege for words but it was so gosh darn hot out! I read, I got caught up on some writing, a ate a stockpile of ice cream…and I watched a lot of movies.

In honor of my recent silver screen overload, I am putting on my film critic hat today and talking about one of my most favorite of all things…MOVIES.

Besides books, and baseball, and all things topped with frosting, movies are one of my guiltiest pleasures. Some people spend their paychecks on shoes or fancy car parts. Me? I can’t not walk out of a Best Buy or FYE without a handful of DVD’s. The $5 movie bin at Wal-Mart is my best friend. I can’t help it. There is something about sitting down after a long day, forgetting the troubles of the world for a mere hour and a half and mindlessly getting entertained, laughing until your stomach hurts, hiding under behind a blanket and getting the beans scared out of you, or drooling over the scene when the hunky lead character takes his shirt off (hello Channing Tatum!). I love a good comedy, getting pumped up about seeing an action flick and am on the edge of my seat whenever a good drama or suspense thriller comes on.

I also love romantic comedies. I really do. Any movie that pits Drew Barrymore against some lovable former-SNL actor is a guaranteed win for me.

But I do have my limits.

The other day, I went to the library to refill my stock of reading material for the next few days (oh who am I kidding…the next few hours) and decided to pick up some movies as well. Great tip: Your local library often rents out flicks as well so you can save major moolah on your Blockbuster or Pay-Per-View costs.  I’d seen most of what was available–like I said, I watch A LOT of movies–except for “Friends with Benefits” starring former N’syncer Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. Although I had seen “No Strings Attached” (which coincidently is one of N’Sync’s major billboard hits), the major blah Ashton Kutcher-Natalie Portman movie about the same exact thing–friends hooking up free of romantic attachment, desperate times call for desperate measures; and “Friends with Benefits” it was. I got home, popped some corn, planted myself on the couch and settled in for the movie.

The problem with romantic comedies is that they’re so predictable. In the end, the audience knows, the unlikely couple–the two that hate each other, the two that are already engaged to other people, the two who, yes, want to just be friends with benefits–will get together and some form of “happily ever after” will result. So, to throw the audience off it’s predictability scent, many rom-coms try to add novelty in other ways, like gratuitous uses of shock-humor, time travel, or, in the case of “Friends with Benefits” a meta-narrative.

You read me right: meta-narrative (take that fancy word and suck on it). In laman’s terms, a meta-narrative is basically a story inside of a story.

A major theme of this flick is the characters’ awareness of the well-worn ’map’ of romantic comedies–there’s even a movie-inside-the-movie starring Jason Segel (everybody’s favorite Muppet-loving dude) and Rashida Jones (that girl who tried to steal Jim away from Pam in the Office). The unexpected result of this effort to buffer the predictability of rom-coms is that they have become the perfect vehicle for telling moral stories in unexpected ways. What is a love story, after all, if not a moral story in which two opposite forces put aside differences, compromise, and choose to value the other above the self? This is the stuff of good romance, my friends.

By adding laugh-til-you-pee-a-little humor, movies are able to convey moral lessons without beating the audience over the head. In the case of “Friends with Benefits,” and, not surprisingly, also for “No Strings Attached,” the moral is that no man (or woman) is an island, no matter what William Shakespeare or Paul Simon have to say about it. The audience knows this (I hope), and thus the movie is a vehicle in which a value we hold to be intrinsically true is reinforced.

I think it is precisely this reinforcement of my thoughts and beliefs about love that I appreciate most about romantic comedies. Well, that and I am a huge fan of Sandra Bullock! Being reminded that all people are looking for true love with someone who is also a great friend is awesome!

Romantic comedies remind us of our hopes and dreams–our ideals. They show us that love can come from the most awkward people and places. And they also show us that love does not have to be as ideal as what most fairy tales meant them to be. Love just needs to be real. Awkward, funny, and real. The Wedding Singer, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and 27 Dresses are a great example of this (and also three of my fav’s).

On the other hand, I also think that rom-coms have a way of giving a bit of false hope, the ‘happily ever after’ ending is inevitable. The story lines of most romantic comedies or romances in general are usually fairly unrealistic, yet some people expect similar events to occur in their own love lives. People who choose to be an audience of such movies should understand that happiness cannot be shaped by what we see on screen, but that each and every individual will find their own “happily ever after” with time and in the right way.

All in all, I guess I give the genre a lot of grace to be predictable, cheesy, and sometimes downright awful. “Friends with Benefits” was a little lot bit of each of these, but I liked it, despite JT’s less-than ‘two-thumbs-up’ performance. It’s just my personal opinion, but I think he should stick to doing his boy band, wanna-be rocker thang.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date, make that 50 first ones, with Drew Barrymore and my boy Adam Sandler

Questions of the day: What lessons have you learned about love from romantic comedies?

Is “Happily Ever After” an ideal we should strive for?

I’m not wedded to the idea of “Happily Ever After.” It is nice to strive for but who can predict the future? I like rom-coms that teach that love can be awkward, uncomfortable and may not work out (“500 Days of Summer”) or take some time to develop (“When Harry Met Sally”) or that love settles in after you’ve settled down (“The Runaway Bride”)