“He ate my tip!”
My friend Sarah said that with eyebrow-cirnkling rage while we were out grabbing drinks on a laid-back patio a few nights ago. She shook her head sternly and surveyed our table of belchy beer drinkers for emotional support.
We offered none.
In my defense, I had no idea what she was talking about, so I just took a sip of my strawberry lemonade and whipped my citrustache from the top of my lip. When I casually glanced back at Sarah I saw that she was still steaming so I tossed her a thin-lipped nod and a flimsy half-hearted response.
“Your tip, huh? Boy that is really too bad. I’m sorry, girl.”
I figured we were done but she wasn’t stopping. Nope. Not even close. She slapped her palms on the sloshy metal table covered in soggy beer and peanut shells, coasters and lemon wedges, leaned her head in really close, popped her eyes out like a B-grade actress who’d just been axed in the back in one of those super corny but still super creepy horror movies.
“You know, the tip of my pumpkin pie. He ate the tip of my pumpkin pie! He knows I love the tips! I always talk about how much I love the tips and last night he had the nerve to steal it from me. He ate that perfect, delicious triangle at the front of my dessert. I was SO mad!!”
And then I suddenly got it.
“Whoa, whoa whoa…he stole your tip?! What did you do?!” I asked, suddenly sucked into this tale of sugary robbery.
“Oh, you want to know what I did? I’ll tell you what I did! I ate the tip off of every single piece of pie that was left in the pan. There were seven pieces left and I just scarfed down seven delicious tips!”
Now this really got my attention. What a feisty little nibbler, I thought. My pal’s boyfriend jokingly stabs his fork in his girlfriend’s dessert and suddenly she turns into the mad Hulk, lightning bolts flickering in her eyes, her teeth grinding and her lips curling into a clownish smile (we’re talking It here, people. IT!). Not to mention she carried this tip-eating grunge to the next day.
I kind of liked it.
Frankly, all of us sitting at the table that night did. We all laughed at Sarah’s tip-eating rampage and realized that, come on, tips are pretty darn amazing. I mean, let’s think about it for a second here…
1. Slice of pizza. Bubbly cheese, crispy pepperoni corners and tiny drops of hot orange oil swirl around at the center of the pie. It’s the nucleus of the pizza and the core of all the yummy taste. No, there’s no danger of uneven sauce coverage here and the crust is nice and thin. Plus, if you’re lucky, you might score a cheese dangle, which involves your pizza tip using the power of the melt to snag excess toppings from a nearby slice. And hey, if your tip is the one getting robbed of toppings here, no worries. You just scrape up the bits of cheese and sausage from the rest of the box and toss it on top. Everybody gets a great tip.
2. The top of a Dairy Queen swirl cone. Folks in the biz know it’s an art to create that delicate swirl on the top of that cone. It’s the only real baby-nibble on the cone and therefore a nice tease for the next few minutes. Most of the way down you’re licking and biting your ice cream, so that top swirl makes for quite the little appetizer, a per-cursor for the main course. Plus, isn’t it cutest little thing that you ever did see?
3. Quiche. Does anybody but my mom and the Queen of England eat quiche? Well, if you’re in the game for this one, I’m guessing you’re loving that chunky broccoli, salty ham, fluffy egg and oily crust combo at the front of your slice. Tres yummy, no?
4. First crispy nacho from the top of the tower. Full-size triangle chip with crisp corners, bubbly cheese, and a little salsa puddles, waiting innocently for you to dive right in. We’re not talking about bland, lettuce covered shards at the bottom of the heap. No. We’re talking about the tip of the nachoberg here people.
5. The first sip from a bottle of soda or beer. This is the liquid tip. Not as triangular or pointy, but let’s face it: for those who drink that first sip of beer on a Friday afternoon after work can be refreshing, bubbly bliss.
6. Cakes. I saved the best for last. As those tall, wobbly cheesecake towers arrive at your table or you delicately carve out a thick slab of black forest at a birthday party, we both know that you’re eying that delicious triangle tip right up front. And look at it sugar-shining in the light just waiting for you. It’s practically saluting and pledging allegiance to your mouth, am I right? RIGHT?!
So my friend, come on, Let’s all hold our hands today and remember the many great tips that we have enjoyed over the years. Yes. Smile at all those delicious first bites and first sips that surprised your tongue and teased your taste-buds with hints of what’s to come.
Love tips, love bites, love tips, love life
But you best not EVA mess with my girl Sarah’s pumpkin pie. EVA!
Question of the day: What are some of your favorite “tips”?